Aug 022018
 

I am Sydney-based Pro Domme, Mistress Artemisia de Vine and this piece of BDSM fiction is based on My real training sessions with submissives.

It contains: small cock humiliation, ball busting, cock and ball torture, CBT, human toilet, golden showers, discipline, femme Domme, female supremacy, 
corporate, blackmail, electro play,  anal play including pegging, strap-on & a butt plug.

If you enjoy it, drop Me a line to let Me know. Or better yet, book a session and be assessed for the kind of submissive training most suitable for you. 

Without further ado…

His tongue tip was touching the seat of the ceramic toilet bowl and his body shook with the effort of keeping it there. Just the tip mind. He was doing his best to obey only as much as he had to. It was humiliating enough to be in this position and he was quite revolted at this task.

He swallowed awkwardly trying to keep himself from drooling. He had resigned himself to the slow dripping sweat that relentlessly slid down his face. He was helpless to do anything about it with his hands expertly tied behind his back and his neck collar fastened around the toilet base, but at least he could try to keep the drool at bay. 

He was nervous of course.  Who wouldn’t be?  His knees ached from kneeling on the cold tiled floor. His eyes traced the black and white pattern for what must have been the millionth time… or the hundredth… who could tell?  Time had slowed and then sped up in such unfathomable ways since he had entered The deVinery.  He had no way of knowing how long he had been prostrate before that porcelain throne.

The blinking camera was facing him.  Was She watching him right now? He had no way of knowing.  He had risked taking a quick break once but the all-encompassing electric shock that coursed through his anal plug quickly had him collapsed in involuntarily convulsions, begging for forgiveness. He didn’t try that again.

So yes, he was nervous… afraid even… but he was also strangely calm.  It was a difficult state to describe.  Right now all he had to do was obey.  It took him all his strength to follow the cruel instructions but there was nothing else at all on his mind.  Just obey Mistress Artemisia, no matter what. There was a kind of peace that came with that. The outside world, the city of Sydney that was normally so familiar to him, was a long forgotten dream. He did not feel like he was even on the same planet anymore.

“Arch your back prettily for me slave,” came the deceptively soft voice of Mistress Artemisia, an elegantly perverted lady, ripe with power. 

He jumped. How long had She been standing there?  He hadn’t heard Her enter the bathroom at all.

“I said arch your back, pretty boy.  Present your rear to Me like a pussssy cat on heat,”  She purred with lazy amusement and sauntered into the bathroom.  He immediately strained to comply. 

“Not quite right,” She laughed and grasped both hips, pulling them upwards, rearranging him into a position She found satisfactory. She forced his knees further apart with Her stocking clad foot and then tilted his pelvis so his buttocks parted and his plug-filled anus was fully exposed.  

She pressed against him as She moved him into place.  He could feel something hard between them. What was that? He had no time to focus on working it out.

Her fingers massaged around the butt plug and worked it out of his aching hole. It was a relief to have it gone. 

“I want you in a position that suggests complete availability for My use, do you understand?  After all, do you remember what got you into this mess in the first place?”

“Yes Mistress,” he groaned. 

“What was it you had said about your work colleague again? Remind me?”

“I am sorry Mistress I didn’t mean it!  I am sorry!  It was just locker room talk.  Boys will be boys.  You know it is all a load of bravado.” 

“Tutt tutt, it is a bit late for contrition now poppet” said Mistress running a slow deliberate fingernail from the base of his spine, all the way to the nape of his neck. What was it you said about her again?” Mistress’ voice remained calm but Her grip tightened around the back of his neck.

“I sa… I said… I said that I’d like to ben.. bend her over and give her my fat one until she changed her attitude,”  confessed the miserable slave.  Having to say it out loud to a woman made the banter seem so utterly ridiculous.  Why had he said it?

“Did you now?  Just how fat was this “fat one” I wonder?  “As fat as this?”  With that, Mistress Artemisia firmly grabbed his hair and yanked his head back so he was forced to be eye to eye with a monstrous, shiny black strap-on dildo complete with ball sacks.

“Not that big Mistress!  I couldn’t possibly!!!” 

Ignoring his protests completely, Mistress slapped his face hard and shoved the dildo decisively into his drooling mouth. As he gasped for air she slid it all the way back to his throat. His eyes watered and he spluttered and gagged pathetically.

“You are lucky my dear boy,” She said dispassionately staring down while holding his struggling head in place, “You are lucky that you work for such an unusually progressive firm.  When your boss became aware that you had been caught saying such disrespectful rubbish about women in your “locker room talk” she could have fired you in disgrace, never to work in the industry again.  There goes your expensive university degree… However, luckily for you, she gave you another chance. She had a quiet word with the head of HR and they decided to send you to Me, a Femme Domme Disciplinarian and trainer of wayward men.  Your future in this whole industry depends on My report.” 

With that Mistress Artemisia pulled the dildo out of his mouth and let his teary, mess of a face gulp air. He looked up at her in desperation. 

“That was kind of her wasn’t it poppet,”  purred Mistress.  Her sensual femininity an alarming contrast to Her cruel actions. 

“Yes Mistress,” he stammered. 

“You want a good report don’t you?” She cooed.

“Yes Mistress, please I can’t afford to be fired… I will do anything…”

“As you know, when you use your tongue to speak that sort of filth, all your tongue becomes good for is filth isn’t it?” 

“Ye yeas Mistress.”  slave replied miserably. 

With that Mistress shoved his head right inside the toilet bowl and ordered him to keep his tongue in contact with the side… this time on the inside… He shuddered with revulsion and paused only a second before realising he had no option but to comply.  His boss was going to review the footage of this training and assess his willingness to change, before making her final decision on his future at the company.

He flushed crimson with the utter humiliation of it, but he was completely controlled and owned by these women now.  They had him backed into a corner. 

“I want you to lick, nice big, enthusiast licks all around the inside of the bowl.  Never let your tongue leave the surface.  I want every inch of the inside of the toilet bowl licked clean, is that clear?” 

He gagged again and licked tentatively with the tip of his tongue.

“You can do better than that slave.  Use the flat of your filthy tongue. Nice big licks. I want to hear lovely big slurping sounds slave,” said Mistress as She moved behind him again, slapping his rump hard. 

“Moan like you are supping on the most delicious delicacy… Lovely porn star moans…. Let me hear just how grateful you are for this reprogramming your boss has invested in.  A professional like Me doesn’t come cheap you know!  And don’t forget to arch your back prettily.  After all, if you are going to objectify your female colleagues, you should learn exactly what that feels like shouldn’t you?” 

With that She leaned down and grasped his cock and balls and yanked them back towards her roughly.  Slave squealed and lost contact with the toilet bowl.  Despite himself, he hardened to Her  touch.

“So easily distracted aren’t you! I thought I said to keep your tongue in contact with the inside of the toilet bowl at all times slave? She tightened her grip on his balls and dug her fingernails in. “Get. your. tongue. back. on. that. bowl. boy.”  Each word was a staccato command.

His body tensed involuntarily and he grunted in pain but it was only a second or two before his tongue was back studiously licking that bowl, this time with more enthusiasm.  He was confused by the mixture of disgust, pain, embarrassment and arousal he felt.

“That’s better boy.  I find most men just need the right motivation to learn their place,” said Mistress Artemisia as She relaxed her grip and stroked his balls almost sensually.  She peered at them and commented, “Such little sacks of skin, just little olive pips and yet they are responsible for so much trouble….  and this!” She said picking up his cock with a thumb and forefinger, a look of distaste wrinkling her pretty features.  “THIS little thing is the “fat one” you were threatening to “give” your femme co-worker?”  She mocked incredulously.  This little gherkin is hardly a match for mine now is it? 

“Nooo Missthress” came the muffled reply. 

“Since this is the thing that you used as the symbol of domination against the woman at your work, this will be the thing we punish today slave.” 

Without further warning she slammed her knee into his exposed balls. 

The world went white and he could not think at all.  The sick feeling in his stomach lurched him forward face into the water at the bottom of the toilet bowl.  His open mouth gulped in toilet water and he spluttered in shock. 

As he came to enough for the room to take shape again, all he could hear was the tinkling sound of Mistress laughing.  For some reason, this made his erection harder than he could ever remember.  He was miserable and humiliated and yet… his body betrayed him and desired this treatment. 

Mistress noticed.  “I see you are beginning to respond to your training slave.  You are beginning to learn your place.  You belong on your knees being grateful to lick the toilet women use, don’t you?”

His head rushed with indignation but his body was so turned on he felt possessed by Her.  “Yes Mistress, I’m only worthy to lick up your waste.”

“Keep licking then slave,” she said moving back around towards his head. “I am a firm believer in female supremacy the way your body is responding to being put in your rightful place is proof that this should be the natural order of things.  You men are controlled by your sexual desires.  If I control the cock, I control the man.”

She  stopped talking and straddled the toilet bowl above his head. and slid a finger under the elastic of Her knickers, pulling them aside. 

“Big keen licks now slave,” She murmured as She began to piss her golden nectar all over his head where it trickled down into the toilet bowl. It was warm and potent smelling. Her scent overwhelmed him.  He was revolted and excited all at once. There was something primal and pheromone driven about it. 

“Lick it all up.” She said in a calm tone that brooked no objection. She was a woman used to being obeyed.

He lapped at Her warm golden shower, as it coated the inside of the toilet bowl. “Oh god!” he thought, if the boys at work could see me now! They’d never respect me again, and she’s filming this whole thing! I’m nothing but a pig at a trough, lapping up Mistress’ piss…. and worse still, I like it!”

“Filthy little slut!” murmured Mistress amused, as though She had read his mind. “I will teach you to crave that scent… that taste… you will only ever want to lap up the urine I bless you with. No one else’s opinions will matter to you again. I’ll keep you chained here with no water.  The only way to be hydrated will be to drink my nectar and the toilet water. Once you are trained to love it, you will do anything I say in order to be allowed a taste.

She continued, “I am sure your boss will be most gratified to see that change in you slave but you really are only at the beginning of your training.  By the time I am done with you, you will be eagerly obeying all the women in the office, showing utmost consideration.  You will literally worship the ground they walk on… but first I need to break you before I re-make you.”

She unstraddled him and walked behind him, grasping both hips with Her hands. 

“Drink deeply boy!” She said as the slid the huge dildo into his stretched asshole and thrust hard.  His face was pushed deep into the piss-filled water at the bottom of the toilet and he spluttered and gulped it in, unable to stop himself from swallowing.  

“And now, little whore, I will bend you over and give you My “fat one” until you know your place…” smirked Mistress as She pounded without mercy.  He could do nothing but submit to his fate.

If you enjoyed this smut, you may also enjoy this piece I wrote about a real life maid training scene. or this one where I deliver devastating torment to my slave

To be alerted when Mistress writes more smut or tours to a city near you, join Her mailing list, follow Her on twitter

Sydney Dominatrix Artemisia de Vine

Mistress Artemisia is a real life, Professional Dominatrix in Sydney, Australia. She specialises in in-depth journeys into Domination and submission and enjoys the wide variety of expressions and flavours this can take.  From sensually intimate to cruel and sadistic… She is always in complete control.

Most of Her submissives submit to ongoing training that builds on previous sessions but She does welcome one-off explorers too. However slaves, subs and pets that resonate with Her style, often end up serving Her for years and together they explore the infinite possibilities of the erotic psyche.  There is a whole universe in within…  

See more at devinekink.com

 

Apr 242018
 

There is an epidemic of men tired of always taking the lead in the bedroom.  I see it again and again when they come to me… the relief of having someone else guide the dance so they can finally let go and free fall into arousal. 

I am an expert in domination, but domination is not always in its more extreme forms.  Sometimes it is subtle, sensual, enticing… and yes sometimes it is nurturing… other times it is delightfully dirty and degrading. Either way, it is a chance to feel what it is like to let go and surrender to sensation and erotic beingness. 

My heart goes out to those who have been socialised to believe men are only allowed to be in “doing” mode.  They have been robbed of the exquisite pleasure of just being…. or opening to all that is within them… primal… held… witnessed… taken… ravished… overwhelmed with all it is that they secretly yearn for…

Regardless of gender, we humans are capable of accessing a variety of erotic states of consciousness.  There are some exquisite places within that simply cannot be accessed without surrender. Imagine missing out on this because of masculinity stereotypes!

I am pleased to say that things are changing and more and more men are casting off the shackles of expectations and discovering who they are sexually when allowed to just be themselves and explore.

Each person is uniquely wired, so my challenge is to discover their erotic map to trigger this state of being in them.  I can’t always find it straight away but I do have a very good track record of finding it more often than not.  I relish the challenge and I am pretty damn good at it.

Anal Play

I find the one of the first places men learn to explore this side of themselves is often through anal play.  Their butt, not mine. 

Not only is the anus full of rich nerve endings, but it contains the male equivalent of the G spot.  The P spot (prostate) is as fickle and hard to seduce as a woman’s G spot but similarly, once you find it blows your erotic world right open. 

The spot itself is easy to locate.  What is challenging is getting it to respond pleasurably.  Going straight into pounding that baby like it is some sort of magic turn on button, doesn’t feel good at all.  The P spot literally needs to be seduced… it needs foreplay… it needs to be coaxed into arousal gently and patiently.  One needs to be in a relaxed but aroused place or the nerve endings do not switch on for pleasure. 

Because of this, I have noticed a distinct pattern of men who enjoy anal play on themselves being much better lovers to the women in their lives.  There is nothing quite like embodied experience to help men “get it” and become better at guiding others into that place of erotic surrender.

From single finger massage to pegging to extreme fisting, anal play is an art form.  I guide men into using their breath and other techniques to open deeply… physically and mentally… There is something so intimate about being inside someone… penetrating them…  Whether we agree to play dirty domination or sensually opening anal games, I can feel that intense feedback loop between us.  It can be one of the most magical moments between strangers. 

So whether, your preference is a full body sensual massage or to be strung up in my leather sling or bent over and restrained to my bondage bench, I invite you to feel safe to explore erotic surrender through anal eroticism with me.  

To help you work out your pegging style, I have blogged about some of the different flavours here.
Other forms of erotic surrender include: 

Erotic Massage with Anal Play & Edging:  See why these sessions are so famous here. 

 

 

Tie & Tease: Be restrained and edged… Brought to the brink but denied satisfaction until I decide to allow you the release of orgasm… Wave after wave of pleasurable torture…
Can include anal play but certainly includes edging.  (Keep an eye out for a blog I am currently writing on edging)
 

 

Role Play:  Perhaps you are wired to enjoy being “blackmailed” into bending over the desk and being pegged by your female boss… or an employee who has something on you and is enjoying making the thrill of making you her play thing? Perhaps you fantasise about being anally seduced by your step mother?  Your teacher?  Your dominant girlfriend?  

Both tie and tease and role play sessions can sometimes feel right to me to be full service based.  This is negotiated on a case by case scenario and my higher rate, starting from $450 an hour applies.

Mistress style play sessions are much more BDSM focused with an emphasis on Domination and submission. My power and your surrender, in this framework, is not role play but a genuine, consented to dynamic.  These are NEVER full service sessions.  Mistress rates and play structure, including in-depth pre-play consultation, applies.

The point is, whatever your unique erotic map, there will be a way to tap into it and find your place of erotic surrender.  My expertise is to help you find it and create an opportunity to explore it… play with it… and get off on it…

For kink sessions see devinekink.com
For Erotic Massage sessions see my sensual site

Dec 132016
 

artemisia-de-vine-prAs part of the sexological bodyworkers collective, I am presenting a workshop on Embodying Sexual Fantasy in the Educational Erotica weekend held in Sydney this coming February 18-19.

Twelve of Australia’s leading sex educators are gathering for a unique weekend of the most practical, interesting and concept shifting sex ed on offer – artfully facilitated with heart, humour, wisdom and fun.

Presenters and Weekend schedule Here 

Tickets Here:  Early bird is available until Dec 20 if you are looking to buy a Christmas gift for a loved one that will bring you closer together.

Embodying Sexual Fantasy Workshop with Artemisia de Vine

This workshop takes a closer look at the role of sexual fantasy and asks the questions, what happens when we create an intentional relationship with our fantasy selves?  What happens when we hear the inner voice that is speaking to us through our fantasies?

This is a chance to explore how things shift when we move our sexual fantasies from the head, into the body through consensual, embodied play scenes, based on the recurring emotional themes that emerge.

From enjoying imagining certain body parts, to imagining what it would be like to have sex with a certain person right through to elaborate, sometimes taboo, storylines, most people engage with sexual fantasy. Sometimes these fantasies can seem to go against the grain of our own moral compass bringing about inner conflict and confusion.

With a playful, compassionate, curiosity, I will guide us into peeking under the hood of our sexual fantasies. It is a good beginning for those interested in exploring the hidden corners of our sexual psyche and turning our fantasies into our allies.

Note: Even though I am a professional dominatrix, this is a workshop on sexual fantasy, not on BDSM/kink as such. BDSM themes may come up but equally so may sexual fantasies of any kind. Clothes remain on in this workshop and while we do have a chance to engage in embodied learning, we will not be engaging in sexual activities. You are invited to participate only at the level you choose to at any given time.

Sydney Mistress Artemisia de Vine BDSM CKBio: Artemisia de Vine is a Sydney-based, professional Dominatrix and switch who specialises in BDSM with awareness. Her expertise extends beyond BDSM as she is a devoted student of the erotic arts from the sensual to kinky edge play.

She is passionate about tuning into the unique erotic wiring of each individual she plays with to create imaginative scenes relevant to their personal journey.

She loves to explore the erotic psyche in relation to the Mysteries of Existence and engages play styles that asks just what fabulous madness is possible when we peak under the covers of civilised behaviour and nudge our boundaries.

She accesses all the aspects of human nature normally forbidden to us in everyday life, like humiliation, shame, fear, cruelty and power but does so from a place of compassion, consciousness and intension for the holistic well-being of all involved.

She is at heart, interested in exploring the ways in which owning our suppressed side can make us whole and how creating an intentional relationship with sexual fantasies can lead us home to ourselves.

Website

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Oct 162016
 
london-2

 

artemisia-strict-disciplinarianHere I am in London, the city of smacked bottoms and let me tell you, I like it.

In my first week I was invited to join Miss Elsa Svenson in disciplining two wayward gents. There is something so fabulous about travelling to the other side of the planet and walking straight into a school room scene with the chance to wield the cane. I had been jet lagged, disoriented by being in a foreign country where nothing seemed to work as I expected and feeling overwhelmed by the London underground. Strange as it may seem, it was the sound of crooked kaboo and dragon canes slicing through the air and landing soundly on school boy bottom flesh, that helped me feel grounded. Ah, yes this is feeling is home.

 

 

 

Miss Elsa Svenson: Good old fashioned discipline

Miss Elsa Svenson: Good old fashioned discipline

Miss Svenson

is a no nonsense, strict disciplinarian with a large collection of corrective tools that have been beautifully broken in over many a bottom. Slippers, taws, straps of all thicknesses and levels of severity. She is the headmistress personified and is strictly non erotic in her administration of behaviour correction. I liked her immediately.

We are talking about the possibility of doing some filming together before I leave with me as a new teacher in her school, bringing Australian flavour to detention time. You can see some of her clips here. Also, you can follow her on twitter.

 

 

kentmistress0390I also had the privilege of seeing Miss Eleanor Sullivan in action. This woman is brilliant at a severe telling off and harsh, heavy-handed spanking. She was relentless in her ministrations. I was impressed with her endurance. She also appears in some of Miss Svenson’s clips and you can follow her on twitter.

three-disciplinarians

Eleanor Sullivan, Elsa Svenson & Artemisia de Vine smiling after thoroughly disciplining a naughty peeping tom.

I also learned that it is possible to have a naughty boy bent over all three of our laps at the same time, in such a position that we can all easily access his bottom. If two ladies sit side by side on chairs, opposite the third lady who is facing us on her chair… knees touching and slightly interlaced… then the naughty boy is bent over all of us and we can all manage quite a good swing.

We took turns beating his bottom for being a peeping tom. A thorough slippering from his “mother” and the “girl-next-door” who he had been spying on, as well as her “mother”. Oh my! Three incensed women putting him in his place. What a un/lucky character he was.

Electra Amore roleplays Irene & Artemisia de Vine play Ella

Electra Amore roleplays Irene & Artemisia de Vine play Ella

Switching!

While back in Sydney I am far more often the disciplinarian, I am here to experience both sides of the coin. I have accepted a few appointments with polite gentlemen who wish to bend me over their knee and am looking forward to it, if with some trepidation. I have my advert on spankee finder, so may be tempted to accept a few more opportunities to experience what I normally dish out, if gentlemen approach with the right attitude. These will be in London central, Woking & perhaps Birmingham if there is enough interest to take the trip.

Email me or contact me on my UK number 07340716336.  You can also follow me on twitter or join my mailing list.  See my spanking gallery here. 

 

Mr Possum, my travelling companion has tasted the delights of lovely English bottom flesh too. He was tight-lipped about details as a gentleman should be but he did have an extra twinkle in his eye and spring in his step after enjoying the company of Lily Ann last week. He has a few more lined up spankees. We are in the process of setting up a blog for him to tell his own tales, publish his prolific spanking stories and talk about the Australian scene. Keep an eye out for that.

 

New Disciplinary tools

Meantime, I have ordered several new implements from David at Quality Control and have my eye on several more from The London Tanner. I am hoping to meet a few other implement makers while I am here. I will be eager to test them out so let me know if you are keen to offer me your bottom in a session. I see people of all genders.

A big thank you to all those of you who have reached out to make me feel welcome, offered to play tour guide and proffer tips about the local scene. Please keep the invitations to spanking parties and events coming.

Aug 132016
 

 

cross dressing sydney boot fetish sissy Mistress blurred ck

 

It was an absolute delight to session with Sarah, the fabulous sissy and shoe fetishist yesterday.  Sarah asked if she could bring her shoe collection to show me.  I eagerly agreed as I do love shoes.  When she got here, she brought suit case after suitcase into the room… all full of shoes!  She even brought a surfboard cover full of shoes! I didn’t count them but she said there were 98 pairs there.

shoe boot fetish sydney Mistress Artemisia blurred CK

 

I invited my friend, M, over to join in the fun.  M has an interest in learning about sissies, cross-dressing and fetishes and has a natural inclination towards helping others explore their sissy side but lacks the confidence to conduct professional sessions.  However with her clear passion for all things cross dressing and sissy, I am sure it won’t be long before she runs brilliant sessions!

At first M was quiet and just observed but it didn’t take her long to break out and get drawn into the games.  Much to sissy Sarah’s delight, by the end of the afternoon, M was right into it!   There was a shoe fetish spit roasting scene with Sarah on all fours sucking the divine heels M was wearing while I took Sarah from behind wearing this fabulous butt plug attached to a shoe!

shoe fetish butt plug sydney Mistress Artemisia CK

Amongst all this fabulousness was a bunch of dresses that Sarah paraded around for us.  This pleased M so much that she joined me in donning a strap-on and our sweet sissy Sarah obediently became our slutty bitch.

Sydney fetishist sissy cross dress CK
At the close of our play,  Sissy Sarah gifted both M and I a pair of beautiful shoes each.  M was delighted with her elegant black and white heals while I am so very pleased with my great thigh high leather boots.

Not all my session are about intense domination.  Sometimes it is about letting our hair down and having a romp.  All in all it was a great afternoon of shoe sniffing, champagne sipping, girly lesbian fun.

Sissy Sarah

Sissy Sarah

sissy sydney shoes fetish domina CK

Aug 022016
 

Sydney Mistress Artemisia de Vine BDSMTaking a deeper look into our taboo sexual fantasies and kinky desires, can be an extraordinarily illuminating experience.  Furthermore it can have a really positive effect in so many areas of our lives, yet we are often so debilitated by shame that we cannot even tell our nearest and dearest we have these dirty little secrets.

Or else, we proudly live out our fantasies in the kink scene… or by being a player… or masturbating to them… but are afraid to lift the lid and take a closer peak at what they mean and end up missing out on their full potential at best, and hurting ourselves and others, at worst.

One of the reasons that we often feel so much shame around sexual fantasies, is that they frequently tap into parts of us we have suppressed.  We are often in denial about these aspects of ourselves so when our sexual fantasies knock on the door we feel as though they don’t really represent us.  The shame impulse can kick in and we can suppress our fantasies altogether.  Or another common response, is to enjoy kinky desires or taboo fantasies, only for the length of time we are aroused, and then revert to feeling shame in ourselves and brush them back under the proverbial bush.

So many of us fear letting others know what we really think about when fantasising and yet we are all in the same boat!  Even those that initially think they don’t have sexual fantasies, discover they do when we take a closer look.

Common Fantasies

In my work as a lifestyle and professional dominatrix, switch and sex worker I have had the privilege of working closely with thousands of people’s fantasies.  I help them tease them out and create play scenes designed on each individual’s unique erotic wiring. While we are all different, there are common themes that emerge again and again.  There are also common patterns in the aspects of ourselves that we suppress that are directly linked to our fantasy turn ons.

Some are fantasies are about people we know, others are about ideal lovers and many are embarrassingly politically incorrect!  We can feel things that we would never want to act out in everyday life.  Aspects of us come out of the murky depths when we allow ourselves to tap into sexual fantasy!

Love and Power is a very common theme.  Those that see themselves as loving don’t like to see their desire for power for instance and suppress some of these aspects of self, while those that see themselves as powerful secretly desire to surrender to love… Or be forced to… These aspects come out in our fantasy desires.

Some of those that consider themselves “manly” don’t like to have others know they have a suppressed desire for the attributes socially coded as “feminine”.  Yet often those types will be the very ones that come and see me secretly for a cross dressing session… Or to be ravished with strap on…  There are of course also other reasons someone might be drawn to this type of play.  This is just an example of how a suppressed aspect of us might come out through fantasy.

Being ravished, or ravishing someone is a common theme.  Non-consent and rape fantasies can get us hot under the collar even though we don’t really want to experience them in everyday life at all!  These fantasies are an entirely different thing to real rape.  Our fantasy rapist magically knows how to do all the right things to get us off… Forcing us to experience the aspects of us we deny ourselves…

Sometimes we desire to give up all responsibility and be taken care of by some impossibly perfect lover…

Sometimes we fantasise about doing acts we consider dirty with people who are taboo for us to desire…

Sometimes we desire to hurt or be hurt… Physically or emotionally… Or eroticise things that genuinely cause us distress in real life…  Sometimes we eroticise shame itself…

Sometimes our fantasies are less obvious and take a bit more to decipher.  They are complex reflections of our inner world…  as complex and unique as you are, but however yours show up we have a lot to learn by taking a closer look.

Our inner fantasy world is a stage where all the parts of us we deny can come out to play. However, while we remain in shame or denial about these aspects of ourselves, these aspects take on a life of their own and can rebel against us.  They can express themselves in destructive ways.

So what is the antidote?  Well this is exactly what I would love to explore with you in my upcoming workshops series.

In the level 1 workshop you will get a chance to explore your recurrent erotic themes.  We will also explore what happens when we create an intentional relationship with our sexual fantasies.  What happens when we trust our sexual desires as an important message from unconscious selves and cultivate a playful and compassionate curiosity about them?  What happens when we find consensual and healthy ways to live out these aspects through play scenes and role play?  What happens when we all start accepting these sexual expressions in ourselves and in each other and stop being ashamed to admit we all have them?  How will that impact us personally, and collectively as a society?

This workshop is not about trying to “heal” these desires so we don’t have them anymore but quite to the contrary, it is about embracing our denied aspects and creating healthy and super sexy outlets to play with them!  It is about turning our sexual shadows into our allies.

Likewise this workshop also acknowledges that it is possible to act out our fantasies in ways that reinforce the shame and suppression cycle and keep us prisoners.  I explore the ways in which we can avoid those traps.

In level Two, which is a four day, fully catered retreat with optional play party, I share my skills as a professional kinkster and fantasy specialist.  I show you the tools I use to create play scenes that are based on your own, and other people’s fantasy blueprints. Level one teaches you how to work out and relate to those blueprints and level two shows you how to bring them to life through play.  Next year I will also be offering a more in depth Practitioner Level Training that includes these skills and much more.

Interestingly, in my experience, unpacking our unique fantasy blueprints doesn’t kill our turn ons, but instead creates more opportunities to intentionally tap into what can be our most exciting and fulfilling sexual expressions.

It also creates really fertile ground for deeper relationship with ourselves and intimacy with our loved ones.  It brings us into alignment with ourselves and leads to a sense of healthy sexual wholeness.  For some, it can even lead to connection with that aspect of ourselves that is bigger, deeper, wiser than our everyday self.

This work is transformation though play and it’s super hot!  What’s not to love about that!

Are you someone who only ever secretly fantasises while watching porn, during sex or while masturbating but would like to learn how to get more out of these desires by bringing them into your sex life more proactively and openly?  Then this workshop series is for you.

Are you someone who has a partner with taboo desires completely different from your own and experiences confusion about this disconnect? Would you like to understand these fantasies more and learn how to play with them in ways that are mutually fulfilling?  Then come along, this is going to be really helpful for you.

Are you someone who would love to know how to discover your own, and other people’s, sexual fantasy blueprint and how to design a play scene around it that hits all the right buttons?  Well let me share my years of experience and the knowledge I have gleaned from creating thousands of play scenes as a professional.  Level 2, the four-day, fully catered retreat & optional play party will be especially useful for you.   However, first you need to understand level 1.

Are you someone who has played around in the kink scene and done-all-the-things, but feel as though there is something more possible with this play?  Something you can’t quite put your finger on?  Then this is for you too.

All genders and sexual orientations are welcome.  Singles, monogamous couples, poly folk, you are all welcome.  You do not need to have a partner to attend.

There will be no nudity or sexual activities on level 1 but in level 2 there will be the possibilities of your own expression at the optional play party. You could also easily attend level 2 without ever choosing to be nude or play in any overtly sexual ways. You are invited to participate only to whatever level you feel comfortable with at any given moment and honor your learning edge.  Safety and consent frameworks will be openly discussed and put in place. Breaches of these codes of conduct will be taken seriously and may result in your removal without a refund.

Listen to my podcast on Exploring Sexual Shadows here.

Read more about the workshops and BUY TICKETS here.

Join my mailing list to stay informed about upcoming workshops, private coaching and play sessions.

Alternately follow me on Twitter.

Sydney Mistress Artemisia de Vine BDSMAbout Artemisia de Vine
Sydney-based, professional & lifestyle dominatrix, switch & sex worker who specialises in creating opportunities for sexual self discovery through play scenes designed on her client’s unique erotic wiring.  She draws on her experience and training in BDSM, tantra, sexological bodywork, Taoism, personal development coaching, years of work in the adult industry and more.  Her skills and experience span the sensual to the deliciously twisted.  See her website for more.

Sep 272014
 

Professional Disciplinarian SydneyPart Two of a spanking story based on a real domestic discipline and corporal punishment role plays I do with some of my clients.  The basic premise of the script is their idea.  They choose to play the errant husband who wants to be punished by their sister-in-law for taking their wife for granted…. Or very similar variations on the same theme…  Contains adult themes, over-the-knee (OTK) bare bottom hand spanking, caning, corner time, behavior correction, humiliation, coercion, sexism and forced cross-dressing.  


Start with PART ONE here: bare bottomed, OTK, hand spanking…

‘Bend over and place your palms flat in front of you Paul,‘  I said pointing to the solidly constructed wooden table.

He appeared to steal himself for what he knew was coming next but to his credit his did not protest.  Perhaps he thought it best to get it over with.  He laid himself over the table, red spanked bottom poking out from under his business shirt and splayed his fingers out in front of him.

I rummaged around in the draw for a moment watching with amusement as Paul’s head cocked to the side trying to work out what I was doing.  He didn’t dare turn around to look.

Eventually I found what I was looking for and hummed to myself as I walked slowly up behind him, black heels clicking ominously on the tiles.  I bent down close so he could feel the warmth of my breath against his ear as I quietly but firmly explained what was going to happen next.

‘See these marbles?’ I asked holding two large, multi-coloured class orbs in front of his face.

‘Yes.’

‘Yes who?‘

‘Yes Ma’am,‘  He quickly corrected himself.

‘That’s better.  I am going to place these on the backs of your fingers,’ I said following through as I spoke, ‘They need to stay there without rolling off while you receive your discipline.  Each time they roll off we will add another cane stroke to your set.  You currently have two sets of 6 to get through.  Do you understand?’

‘Yes Ma’am‘  he said dismayed.

‘Good boy’.

I stood back up and slowly walked around the table and picked up the junior cane.  “We will start with the lighter of the two since this is your first time”, I said bending the flexible rattan for dramatic effect.

I walked back out of his line of sight, each step deliberate and pronounced in the kitchen acoustics.

‘This is going to hurt.  A lot.  You are going to take it like a man because you know you deserve it and you want your wife back.  This is your penance,’ I stated with no room for argument.  ‘How well you do will have a direct effect on what I choose to tell Clara and you know my influence with her is strong’.

I paused to let that sink in.

‘Between each stroke you will breath all the way out and then when you have gained your composure, you will count the stroke and thank me for taking the time to correct your behavior.  You will say, “One thank you Ma’am, Two thank you Ma’am” and so forth.   Is that clear?

‘Yes Ma’am’, replied Paul with no hesitation this time.

‘Good because if you lose count or forget to thank me, we will begin that set again’.

Paul shifted his weight slightly but did not comment.

I lifted Paul’s shirt out of the way and folded it neatly back exposing him fully.  His bare bottom was swollen and red but as yet unmarked in any way that would last more than a few hours.  It was time to correct this.

‘We tend to remember the lessons that are seared into our flesh Paul”, I said  finding my stance and getting the measure of my swing.  I tapped the cane lightly across both cheeks.
Then taking my time, I drew back and sliced through the air with a perfectly placed stroke.   vivid red welt blossoming across his bottom.

Paul’s sharp intake of breath made it clear he felt it.  Every inch of it.  He let his breath out hard and adjusted himself slightly but the marbles stayed balanced on the back of his hands.

“One thank you Ma’am,”  he said with stiff control that clearly took an effort.

I tapped to take aim again and then whoosh, the cane whipped through the air and landed half an inch below the first welt.

“Phewwww,”  he breathed but did not falter.  “Two thank you Ma’am”.
A third, then a fourth stroke biting into his skin and the already tender flesh beneath.  I could see him wincing and clenching his jaw but his hands remained perfectly still.

I laid out two more strokes with artistic precision.  ‘Five thank you Ma’am’  then ‘Six thank you Ma’am’, he managed to make it through the first round.

‘Good boy Paul.  I can see I am starting to get through to you.  Now tell me about what you have thought about.  How are you going to be proactive in making changes dramatic enough to make you worthy of my sister?’

He cleared his throat and offered, ‘I will definitely help more around the house’.

‘Help you say? To say you are helping implies that housework is your wife’s responsibility and you are assisting her in her duties.  That isn’t good enough.  I need you to understand that housework is as much your responsibility as it is hers.  Do you understand?’

‘Right yes, of course, you are right,’ he said hurriedly, realising his mistake too late.

I walked around the table and placed the junior cane down only to replace it with the senior cane.  Let’s mark this new resolution into your flesh with this, the most painful punishment you have received yet,’  I said, completely devoid of emotion. ‘Time you will thank me exactly as before after each stroke but you will also ask for another stroke to show me you are serious about mending your ways.

I found my stance and practiced my aim again while reminding Paul, ‘This stroke is to remind you that until I say otherwise, it is in fact now your duty to ensure the housework is done.  This is to make up for all the years you have taken Clara for granted, you will now take the role she used to take and if you are lucky she may “help” you every now and then.  Just like you used to “help” her.’

Without waiting for him to agree I pulled back my arm and laid a hard fast stroke right across his bottom.  This time, he couldn’t keep silent.  A jagged moan involuntarily escaped his lips and the marbles wobbled dangerously on the backs of his fingers.

It took him several moments before he gathered himself enough to say, ‘One thank you Ma’am, may I please have another?’

I smiled to myself.  Now my methods were really starting to take effect.  ‘Good.  Let’s see what else you have learned.  What else are you going to do to change your behavior?  Make it good.‘

‘Er… I will be more grateful, especially for Clara’s cooking’.

‘Yes you will, and in order to really value the effort put into cooking, you will now cook as often as you expected Clara to for the foreseeable future.  You will even make a special effort to learn great recipes for her favorite dishes and slave away for hours to lay on three course meals for her and her friends to help her socially network.  You can do this on top of your full time job just like Clara used to do for you.  Do you understand?’.

‘Yes Ma’am!‘ he replied unwilling to argue.

‘I will visit unannounced to spot check you cooking is up to scratch’.

The cane whistled through the air and sliced into his bottom with vicious precision.  His body shuddered  under the impact and he eventually whimpered, ‘Two thank you Ma’am! may I please have another?’

‘Good.  Now what else have you learned?’

‘That I mustn’t demand intimate relations‘ he replied.

‘Correct.  After working all day in an office, coming home and doing the cooking and the housework while you rested with your feet up, the last thing a wife wants is intimate relations.  As part of making yourself worthy of Clara you will be signing up to learn the art of female arousal from a practitioner of the erotic arts and you will attend tantra classes together so you can learn how to truly pleasure a woman.  Not just pleasure, but connect to her, because funnily enough, it is not just about you.  May this cane stroke imprint that deeply on your flesh, ‘ I said as I took aim and delivered my hardest stroke yet.

Paul squirmed and let out a cry.  There was a rolling sound and a loud clunk as both marbles fell off his fingers, rolled across the table and skitted onto the tiles with an echoing clatter.  Instead of staying firmly on the table as requested, both his hands were now rubbing his bottom furiously.
‘Forgotten your instructions already I see,‘ I said calmly, hiding my amusement, ‘Both marbles on the floor! Looks like we will have to add two cane strokes to your total for this set, bringing it up to 8.  Six is the traditional number of course.  Just be grateful I am only adding two strokes and not adding two extra sets of six to keep things neat and tidy’.

Paul groaned.  ‘I can’t!’ he said.

‘Well you can stop at any point of course I reminded him, ‘but it would be a shame since you have come so far.  Five more strokes and you will be finished and my sister will consider taking you back.‘

There was silence as he considered this.

‘‘Pick up the marbles Paul,‘ I said with deathly calm.

He looked at me with concern in his eyes but immediately dropped to his knees to search for the glass spheres.  I just watched and waited, arms folded.

Eventually he found them and presented them to me.

This time he bent over the table without being asked.  I replaced the marbles on the backs of his fingers, leaning in close, brushing against him.
‘What else have you learned Paul?’

He was straining to come up with anything now.  His distress was a playing across the theatre of his face.

‘May I suggest that perhaps this cane stroke could remind you not be so consumed with yourself and your work but also make Clara a priority in your life?’

‘Yes, yes of course!‘  he agreed, relieved to be given a clue. ‘I will pay her much more attention and listen to her feelings and all that,‘  he said guessing at what was required of him.

‘Something like that,‘ I replied amused.  ‘You will no longer only think about how Clara plays the support role to your dreams and passions but will actively play the support role to hers.  That means attending her work functions and listening to the things that are important to her.  It also means arranging to take Clara out to the kinds of entertainment she enjoys.  You will be the perfect opera date for her without a hint that you are bored or disinterested.  Is that clear?’

‘Yes Ma’am,‘ he gulped.

I took aim and delivered the next two strokes in quick succession, cruelly on the same spot.  This was a new level of pain for Paul and he reeled but did not slump for shear terror at the prospect of losing the marbles and having more strokes added to his sentence.

“Four and five thank you Ma’am! May I please have another?’

‘Good I thought to myself.  He really must care for my sister after all to endure this to be given a chance to get back together with her.  At his core he wasn’t a bad man.  He was just spoilt.  Luckily for him there is a cure for spoilt.

‘Repeat after me Paul, “Clara deserves to be treated like the Goddess she is!”

Without hesitation he repeated my words back to me and judging by the tremble in his voice, he actually meant it.

‘Good man,’ I said rewarding him by no longer calling him a ‘boy’ in acknowledgement he was now beginning to behave like an adult.

The last three strokes were no less severe but I no longer tormented him with penance.  I delivered smarting blow one after the other giving him just enough time to gasp and thank me.  Six, seven and finally with a solid crack eight.

He let out sob before he could gather himself.  I nodded to myself in satisfaction.  I had made an impression.  Paul’s re-wiring was under way.

I removed marbles from hands and he sat down with a thump only to spring straight back up again when he realised how sore his bottom was.   He attempted to hide the fact that there were tears in his eyes, and discretely blew his nose into a tissue.  I didn’t say a word until he finished and stood uncertainly waiting to be instructed.

‘Paul, I am going to call Clara and have her pick you up.  In the meantime I want to you to put your trousers back on and stand in corner and wait for her to arrive.  I suggest you use that time to think up the very best apology you can muster’.

He looked miserable but bent down to retrieve his underwear obediently.

‘No not those underwear Paul,‘ I said confiscating his cotton briefs, ‘These ones’.  I held up a pair of pink lacy panties.  You will wear nothing but lady’s knickers until you learn to respect femininity.  You will wear them to work under your expensive suits and you will wear them at home as you do the housework.  They will serve as a reminder to self-correct your behavior as out go about your business.’

Paul’s eyes widened in disbelief at this indignity.  He stood there for a moment then reached over and picked up the lingerie I offered him fir thumb and forefinger as though they would burn him.  His face burned with embarrassment and his jaw tightened as he clenched his teeth but he dared not utter a protest.  He slowly bent down and slipped the offending hot pink panties on, pulling them up over his smarting bottom, dressed himself agin in his neat pinstripe trousers and belt and placed himself in the corner.

The image of him standing there, nose to the wall, waiting patiently was the image of an entirely new Paul.  His re-programming was well under way.
***
A week later I spoke to Clara on the phone.  ‘How are things going with Paul?‘ I asked.

‘Amazing! gushed Clara.  ‘I don’t know what you did to him but it has been all flowers, attentiveness ever since he came back from your place.  He cooks *and* does the dishes!  There have been a few small slip ups where he drifted back into his habitual ways but all I had to do was mention that perhaps he needed some more sister-in-law therapy and he pulled himself into line quick smart!  Just goes to show that your unconventional methods really work.’

Professional Disciplinarian SydneyAbout the Author:  Artemisia de Vine is a Sydney-based professional disciplinarian pasionate about all things spanking, domestic discipline and corporal punishment.  She is a true switch and plays the role of both Spanker and Spankee.  She specialises in traditional domestic scenes, from the playful to the intense including behavior correction, role play and ecstatic spanking sessions.  See more here…

Jul 052014
 

Mistress corporate logoHello Ms de Vine,

I just wanted to reiterate how amazing it was and how much I got out of it. The fact that you listened to what I was after and then incorporated it seamlessly into an incredible session, where all the way through the session it really felt like we were in the role play scenario that had been created. I said that the what I was really into was the overlap between submission, pain and sexuality and the session certainly hit that sweet spot (as I suspect you could tell from the mind-blowing orgasm I had at the end!) while also really pushing my boundaries. I’m already thinking about our next session and where I might ask you to push my boundaries a bit further!

Below I’ve put down some more of my thoughts regarding the session. Feel free to use any or all of it (and any of this email) on your blog/website as long as you keep me totally anonymous.

Here is how Anonymous described what actually happened in session

“I made sure I turned up right on time (not early or late) for my 2 hour session with Ms De Vine. Although I was a little nervous she immediately put me at ease with her welcome and a soothing cup of tea with our pre-session chat. I had already talked to Ms De Vine regarding what I was after but the pre-chat went into much further detail and Ms De Vine really digged down into what I was after to ensure that the session was as amazing as possible. I had indicated my likes and dislikes and said to Ms De Vine that my overarching interest was a role play session where we explored the overlap between submission, pain and sexuality.

knickersAfter a quick shower I re-entered the play space (naked naturally) and, as a naughty nephew, started to examine some lingerie that my Auntie has left out. After a couple of minutes she came in and asked what the hell I was doing. Her eyes were immediately drawn to my small cock, which she left me in no doubt was inadequate. I was given two choices, be exposed as a pervert with a tiny dick or take the punishment that my auntie had devised. Naturally I chose to be punished.

Auntie immediately informed my that as I had a small clitty rather than a penis I should be dressed not as a boy but as the girl I was such and was made to put on a pair of Aunties girly panties. They didn’t stay up for very long though as Auntie put me across her knee and gave me a hard spanking. Once my bum was nice and red she led me over to the bench where I was given a further hard spanking with the paddle and strap.

Auntie then led me back to her couch and told me to stand in front of her with my hand on my heads while she tied up my cock and balls. This took some time as Auntie had some trouble due to the smallness of my penis. Auntie of course managed to succeed and then gave my clit and balls the whipping that they deserved. It stung let me tell you leading me to drop my hands a couple of times and incur a further punishment later on. As Auntie had identified my clitty was never going to satisfy a women she generously offered to instruct me in the worship and pleasure of a women using my tongue. I tried my best, but naturally I was not up to the task and so Auntie punished my balls (hard)  further on several occasions with her foot (ball busting). Eventually she told me to stop my inadequate efforts and told me it was time for further punishment.

Mistress high heelsAfter some further cock and ball torture, Auntie told me to lie down on the bench and start playing with my clitty. The fact I only needed to use two fingers to pleasure myself caused Auntie a lot of amusement. Just as I was starting to feel good Auntie started to cane my penis, drawing me close to orgasm several times before bringing the cane down on my cock.

Eventually she took mercy on me and said I could orgasm as long as I begged enough for it. I begged hard let me tell you! Begging Auntie to keep rubbing my little clitty until I could cum. At one point she stopped right on the edge and I thought she was going to stop but after some further begging she kindly allowed me to cum (and have a mind-blowing orgasm). After disgustingly wiping away the cum she told me if she caught me playing with her underwear again the punishment would be twice as bad.

Overall this was a mind-blowing session. Ms De Vine really created a role play environment that I believed I was in all the way throughout. She listened to what I was after and incorporated it into the session (especially the overlap between submission, pain and sexuality) while pushing my boundaries in several areas (beyond even what I had thought possible) and because we had a good understanding of where our interests overlapped I really felt that Ms De Vine was as into the session as I was. In addition she took the time after the session was over to ensure I was ready to re-nter the real world! I will be booking another session soon!”

Dec 162013
 

 

Temptation logoPleased to announce my upcoming workshops at the Celebrating Sexuality Conference  just outside Melbourne in Feb 14-16.

It is a two-hour introduction to my more in-depth 2 day workshop on this topic.   If you are interested in attending the more extensive version of this or other workshops, be sure to join my mailing list to find out when they are being held.

Artemisia de Vine Goddess of Conscious Kink & the Erotic Arts presents: Embracing our Erotic Shadows through Fantasy & Role Play.

Professional dominatrix, switch & practitioner of the conscious erotic arts, Artemisia brings her expertise and passion for entering into the deeper realms of kink play to life in this workshop.

In this workshop, Artemisia introduces the idea of consciously using role play to engage our vulnerable, hidden, erotic shadows and “forbidden” sexuality in a way that benefits ourselves and our loved ones and allows us to form a deeper, more aware relationship with our shadow selves. She guides you through fun but potent exercises and provides practical tools for creating role play scenes and rituals. There is no nudity and you do not have to share your personal erotic fantasies. Engage in the practical exercises only to whatever level you choose to.

Fantasies often get a bad rap amongst tantra circles as something that takes us away from being fully present and embodied with ourselves and our lovers. Sexual fantasies are toted as acceptable in popular culture but very rarely is their potential to access healing, personal growth and spirituality ever talked about or explored. Often our sexual fantasies are different to our lovers and it can be quite scary to share them. We quite often don’t want to admit we have them ourselves because the nature of fantasy is that of strange dream-like desires, images and urges that drift up from our unconscious mind only when we are aroused. In fantasy we act in ways towards ourselves and each other in way we may not really want to in everyday life. This can be confusing and a source of shame. Artemisia presents an accessible but powerful ways of embracing our shadow selves through fantasy, erotic role play rituals.

Artemisia is a professional and lifestyle kinkster, sex worker, somatic sex coach, workshop facilitator, public speaker, blogger and aspiring author. Trained in sexological bodywork, various forms of neo-tantra, lomi lomi bodywork, BDSM and draws on various esoteric erotic traditions. Her whole life is dedicated to passionately exploring and sharing the erotic arts in aware and delicious ways.

Should you enjoy this introductory workshop and want to explore deeper, Artemisia offers more in-depth one-on-one sessions and lessons and a far more in-depth 2 day workshop on this topic.  Join her mailing list to hear about upcoming opportunities and browse her Conscious Kink website for current offerings.

Nov 182013
 

Mistress A

Had a fantastic talk after an intense humiliation session. The only part of us that gets upset when we are humiliated is the ego. By surrendering to humiliation we can sometimes also surrender the ego and find a beautiful sub space.  Sent that client home wearing a nappy… ;)

A brave erotic adventurer of a young man asked me to role play an unrequited love scene.  Fascinating and potent stuff!  He had such a great attitude and I loved playing with him.

My cross dressing, exhibitionist ,sissy slut is an absolute darling who delights in buying really hot, good quality sexy things for herself.  She also brought me roses cut from the garden she tends herself.

What will tomorrow bring?  Bring it on Canberra!

(Only in Canberra until Nov 21st…. but will be back so join my mailing list if you want to know when I tour here again).

Nov 092013
 

Temptation logoAs a professional Dominatrix, ocassional switch and educator in the world of conscious kink, I am often asked how I can possibly thoroughly enjoy play sessions that intentionally humiliate or embarrass my play partner.  How can I be invested in a loving, self-aware path that focuses on mindfulness and embodied meditation and also be into objectifying, degrading, controlling and belittling another human being?

Warning!  This blog discusses explicit adult themes of a fetish, BDSM and kink nature.   

It’s true that I am both a person who strives for integrity and cares deeply for the well-being of my play partners while at the same time I find it incredibly hot to make them perform erotically humiliating acts.  It’s one of my specialties and personal core erotic themes.  I am a humiliatrix.  I even like to some times, with the right partner, switch roles.  Embarrassment, power and eroticism frequently go hand in hand.

Being conscious about kink certainly doesn’t mean “light  and fluffy” BDSM only.  Delving into the feeling of danger and mystery can often be what ignites our erotic play… taking risks… peeking into the dark crevices of our souls…  exploring power or intensity can be what gives a session its bite and heat… carving a delicious memory into our flesh that lasts a life time.    

It could be as simple as having to bare your bottom and bend over for a thorough spanking… being anally taken by a strap on… forced to worship my feet… verbal put downs from mild  to intense…. being made to kneel… spat on… called names… small cock humiliation… put in degrading positions… being made to eat out of a dog bowl…  forced to drink golden showers…  being treated like a sissy slut…  being tied up, teased and laughed at about how turned on you are and how you are never going to be allowed to actually touch the body in front of you… and far more intense, explicit things I won’t go into here. 

shadow04Erotic Shadows

Conscious kink is not about sanitising that… It is about engaging with it in a consensual and aware way that aims to have a positive effect on all involved and allows us to travel deeper into each moment.  It is about learning and harnessing skills to ride the wave rather than be rolled by it… and to enter states of being and, well, consciousness one cannot get to otherwise.  Consciously approaching kink play takes bravery to be self-aware, take self-responsibility and be the hero on your own erotic quest of self discovery.  Far from detracting from the experience, being conscious in BDSM play only makes it more potent.

Each of us have core erotic themes that run through our fantasies and erotic dream-scape.  Core erotic themes vary greatly from person to person and are very often made up of the parts of us that we have suppressed as part of our personal and cultural upbringing.   As we develop and adopt the socially acceptable ways of being and behaving in any given family or culture, some natural parts of us are deemed inappropriate.   Showing anger might be one… taking up too much body space might be another… openly expressing our sexuality might be another…  According to Carl Jung, all of these aspects of our personality are suppressed into our unconscious where we are no longer aware of it on  a day-to-day basis.   The qualities that are suppressed are called our shadow and contains both negative and positive aspects of us.   Our shadow becomes the part of us we can’t see yet has a huge impact on the way we feel, act and react all the time.

Creating shadows is a natural part of learning to belong to any culture but creating shadows also creates shame.  It’s pretty simple.   Suppressing certain aspects of us also creates shame about those aspects.   Our shadow self is made up of all these suppressed aspects.  We access our unconscious, where our shadow lives, through the images and feelings in day and night dreams, imagination and yes, our sexual fantasies.     

Core erotic themes vary greatly from person to person but we all have them  if we dig deep enough we find common flavors running through our sexual fantasies and none of them are politically correct.  Some people, have core erotic themes that are about longing, being desired, having power, being powerless and some of us have core erotic themes that are formed from the clay of humiliation, embarrassment and shame.   Even those that have non humiliation core erotic themes, may have a smattering of humiliation woven through their fantasies anyway.  It is not universal but is very common.   

portal spaceSexual Fantasy as Portal to the Unconscious

Our sexual fantasies are gateways to these suppressed aspects of ourselves because being aroused or in sub space or both, takes us into a different state of consciousness.  When in these head-spaces we think, feel and experience things differently.  In these states of consciousness the veil between unconscious self and conscious self is thinner.  The unconscious bleeds through and we start to think in the langauge of the unconscious… in dream language… in fantasy language… So we have sexual fantasy and shame hand in hand here…  We also have an opportunity  for  inner alchemy here.  To turn the base metals into gold…  All the ingredients are there.   We have an opportunity for the conscious and unconscious to co-operate and align if we choose to embrace our shadow in our erotically fuelled  and/or subspace altered state of consciousness.   

knickersSissy Sluts as an Example of Erotic Shadow 

Cis men into cross dressing are into it for a huge variety of reasons and not all of them have a core erotic theme based in humiliation.  Like-wise, not every one who has humiliation as a core erotic theme is into cross dressing.   I am just using cross dressing as a possible expression of someone who has humiliation as a core erotic theme in the example below.

A person born in a male body is socialised to “act like a man” and “man up” from the moment he is first put in his pale blue onesy as a baby.   Depending on the particular culture, subculture and family beliefs, the idea of how to ‘act like a man” will have various expressions.  Some common themes are not being allowed to wear pink, satin, frills, flowers, make up, or anything associated with being a “girl”.   Crying, showing emotion, forming intimate connections with mates where feelings are openly shared… skipping… moving the pelvis in a “feminine” way etc…  Along for the ride with this mentality is the idea that men are the “doers” in sex and women are the “done to”.   Sex inherently taints women but not men.  Being receptive is female…  Being penetrated is not a “manly” thing to do. 

These attributes and acts literally have to be trained  out of our boys to turn them into “men”.   That means the attributes were there to start with buthad to be suppressed. Many aspects of  masculinity have to be performed and reinforced and are often reinforced quite brutally.  I’m not saying there aren’t natural differences between people born with penises and those born with pussies, but I am saying there are clearly also some pretty strong socialisation processes.  Boys frequently bully each other the second they show any sign of being “girly”.  Being like a girl is the worst crime and is considered weak, submissive and pathetic.  It may even earn you a beating and being socially ostracized.   There is deep shame in showing any attributes considered feminine.  Having a “big cock” is the ultimate symbol of being a sexually virile manly man and is associated with dominance.

barbieAs a dominatrix, I see a lot of men who are incredibly turned on by being forced to wear girly, frilly panties.  They feel really turned on by being forced to do all those things normally considered “sissy” but have no idea why.  It is such a common pattern there is a common name for it.  It’s called a “sissy slut” session.  The sissy sluts who also have humiliation as part of their turn on want to feel all the girly things forbidden to them and be humiliated for it.   They want to feel sexually desired and objectified the way women often are.  They love the feel of the silky under things against their skin but for the humiliation themed sissies, it isn’t truly hot until they are mocked and degraded for it.   They want to not only be smeared in lipstick and made to take on the body language of girls but they want to be degraded and called a slut for it… forced to suck my strap on and then be used anally.   Some find having their cock mocked as small and useless is a real turn on.   Basically, living out their worst fears and transforming them into something pleasurable through eroticising them.

This is just a small sample of many possible forms humiliation sessions might take.  Anyone of any gender can enjoy humiliation play on either the giving or the recieving end.  Another example could be treated like an animal, caged  and collared… because likewise the aspects of us that are considered uncultured, raw and sexual are often correlated with “acting like an animal”.  

Another person may enjoy eroticising the feeling of being seen and used as just a sex object.   Some may secretly fantasise about being a trussed up like a naked, hog-tied, turkey in the middle of the boardroom table while surrounded with corporate types in suits observing and analyzing them.   Others enjoy the thought of  being de-humanised altogether and treated like a resource.  A thing.  Or actively scolded and dressed down.

It’s not always overtly erotic either.  It can be more about subspace and the state of consciousness people go when the mind is tricked into a state of open surrender.  Sub space = submission space and often ressembles the place meditators aim to access.  A surrender of the ego to let some other part of us take the driver’s seat.  

Humiliation is complex.  I won’t go into all the possible nuances here.  Some of us have it as a deeply rooted core erotic theme that will remain with us for the rest of their lives.  Others of us have other core erotic themes but have aspects of feeling shame and embarrassment threading through our secret masturbation fantasies like a spice that adds the kick.  It’s not surprising really given the mixed messages we are given about our sexuality from the get go.  It’s a source of wonder and great shame.  The sex Goddess is also the “slut” and the “whore”.  

thespianDoesn’t acting it out reinforce it?  How can that be conscious and healthy?

So what do we do with this?   I have met may a tantrika or well-meaning person who thinks we need to heal this aspect of ourselves.  While I agree that working through sexual shame is one of the great works of our era, I do not agree that  our sexual fantasies and consensual role plays should be “healed”.  That is, the aim of conscious kink as I see it, is not to make those uncomfortable fantasies go away.   To avoid embracing our politically incorrect turn ons would be to suppress those aspects of ourselves even further… creating an even stronger struggle between our conscious minds and our shadow selves.   Instead, I propose we embrace our shadow in a conscious, lusty, full power way with a cherry on top!

By creating safe spaces to bring out and explore our shadow selves in a play scene we are creating a container with a neat beginning, middle and end that allows us to let the usually suppressed parts of ourselves take the driver’s seat.  It is a ritual if you like, where we can create temporary, different rules and ways of being that we consent to with awareness.  Our subconscious doesn’t speak the same langauge or play by the same rules as our conscious minds.  In a play scene we are letting the language of the subconscious take over, or at least bleed through.   By acting these shadow aspects of ourselves out, we  create an opportunity to bring the paradoxical elements of ourselves into alignment.  The paradox never goes away but we learn to ride it and find the treasure at the heart of it.  It is right there in the point where darkness and light meet that the magic lies.  

The point is not to turn darkness into light.  Oh no!  Too much sweetness and light leads to spiritual diabetes.  The point is to ride the paradox and engage with it consciously.  

By bringing unconscious and conscious into alignment something powerful happens.  Our shadow is no longer, well unconsciously controlling our feelings, reactions, beliefs, relationships.   Instead, the conscious and unconscious are co operating and co creating.  The shadow becomes our ally rather than our feared monster under the bed and we have a sense of inner alignment.

This moment of paradox in alignment sometimes just happens accidentally without us ever consciously examining any of the whys and hows.   The play is enough on its own to create this effect.   If you are erotically drawn to something and you have the opportunity to live it out in a safe way with consenting adults, then go for it.  Follow those erotic cookie crumbs!  They are leading you to a deeper relationship with your shadow self.   However just doing it randomly is a bit hit and miss.  

If we enter into humiliation play with awareness and conscious intention, we have the potential to nudge the result into an even more effective and powerful place more often.  While there are never any guarentees, the result is far more likely to be empowering rather than reinforcing the status quo.  There is the world of difference between a client who comes to me like our play is a dirty secret, feels ashamed that he has this need, responds unconsciously by being shifty and sleazy and then turning on me afterwards, to a client who comes to me willing to be the hero on his own inner alchemy quest by exploring his Kink proclivities with awareness and taking self-responsibility.   The outcome of the two sessions are vastly different.

In the case of the sissy sluts, conscious kink creates a place to play with gender.   We don’t try to make it politically correct because that would actually kill the power of acting out our shadow selves.  Remember the unconscious is not politically correct and we need to allow space to give it voice.   By acting out our sissy slut, we come into a greater awareness and relationship with the suppressed so-called “girly” or “slutty” parts of ourselves.    Instead of then becoming revolted when men act in “girly” ways without knowing why, we begin to lose that knee jerk revulsion.  We then have more choice around how we interact with gender and allow those around us to interact with their own gender identity in whatever way they choose.  Being  sissy slut doesn’t stop beign a turn on for us and as far as I am concerned it shouldn’t.   What happens is we have a more aware, healthy relationship to our inner sissy slut that ripples out into our relationship with ourself and others in all areas of life. 

erotic themesPersonal Core Erotic Themes

Each of us has different core erotic themes so not every one will be drawn to explore humiliation scenes.   Of those into humiliation, there will be a huge variety of fantasies about how that might manifest in your hottest turn ons.   Certainly not everyone will be turned on by being a made into a sissy slut.  While many men go through the process of having the “girl” beaten out of them through socialisation, only some end up with sissy slut fantasies.   No one really knows why for sure.  

Perhaps instead your fantasies are based on being caught masturbating, or having the girl you fancy use her power over you to make you jump through hoops?   Being degraded and having your mouth used as a toilet…  Or simply being made to beg to be fucked…  Maybe you like role play where you are caught rifling through your neighbor’s  knicker draw and she threatens to tell your parents if you don’t do exactly as she says…  Maybe you fantasise about being naked in a board room full of corporate types in suits?  The scenarios are endless and I have become very creative in finding ways to tease out those hots spots in an individual’s core erotic theme.  

The reason that I am drawn to humiliation play is that is one of my own core erotic themes.  I get it.  I really get it.  My goodness did it take me a long time to be able to admit it!   I’m into degrading and erotically humiliating others and under the right circumstances, I’m turned on by having the tables turned.  Oh the shame of having humiliation and degradation as a turn on.  *Cue irony*

As an aside, It is also worth noting that having core erotic themes like humiliation, does not stop us from also accessing other forms of erotic pleasure like making love, sensuality, ecstatic erotically-fuelled trance states, kundalini experiences and more.   Fantasy and kink play is only one possible expression out of many.   If you only know how to be aroused from your core erotic theme and can’t access any other forms of erotic interaction, then I suggest going to a sexologcial bodyworker or other conscious sexuality professional and learning how to access even more potential within you.  More options  = more ways of playing and connecting with self and others. 

ying-yang-yin-x-250943 So what makes Conscious Kink humiliation play sessions any different? 

There are all sorts of skills from neo-tantra, mindfulness and other somatic embodiment practices that are helpful to enhance any sort of kink play.  There are all sorts of subtle ways of  moving into deeper relationship with self from various esoteric traditions and somatic body-mind techniques.  Techniques from tantra, yoga, mindfulness and transcendental meditation practices all translate well into kink play.  However,  a really great place to start is simply with intention and awareness.

Just being aware that this play is a opportunity to own our erotic shadow selves and make them an ally already makes a big difference to how we approach any session.   Having the intention to tune into and embrace our erotic shadow changes everything.

I find discussing and stating out loud our intention in a clear sentence or two before we begin has a subtle but potent impact on a play scene.  Our unconscious responds to our intentions in ways that ripple out into our lives in ways we can’t really pre-conceive.   Having the intention, to love and respect ourselves and consciously let go for a given amount of time to fully enter into a normally suppressed way of being, accepting ourselves and each other “warts and all” makes a big difference.  Being witnessed, accepted and held in our  secret, sexy, vulnerable, shameful places is huge!

This kind of play often leads to a way of being where our shadow selves start to work with us in everyday life rather than control us in unconscious ways, bursting out like volcanos in seemingly unconnected areas of our lives.  Personally, I have been blown away with just how powerful simple tools like intention and awareness have.

barbed candleConscious Kink as a Spiritual Path 

Each person has their own spiritual or existential perspective and far be it from me to tell you what to think.  You certainly don’t  have to adopt my take on spirituality for this process to work.   However, to me, the great soul work of being human is to fully experience being human and awaken to our full selves.  Awaken all the layers…  We often wander about in a sleep walk, living our pre-programmed social scripts and wonder why we feel dissatisfied.   The antidote is to wake up!

More and more people are waking up and truly living.  One of the key ways to do this is to befriend our shadow selves and turn it into an ally.    One excellent and effective way to do this is through accessing our sexuality… where the veils between the conscious and unconscious are naturally thinner and alignment is more easily achievable.

I am of the school of thought that we are not human beings having a spiritual experience but we are spiritual beings having a human experience.  That means everything is already sacred just the way it is.  However the ultimate experience is being conscious of and fully exploring our humanity with awareness of our inner spark of divinity.  We feel the most right, the most content and at “home” when we are in alignment with all aspects of ourselves.

Sounds good, so where do we start?  

So all this sounds really exciting and you’d like to play.   Start by thinking about the common themes running through your hottest, most forbidden fantasies.  The ones you hardly dare think about unless you are so aroused you are about to cum.   There will likely be lots of different scenarios you enjoy.  Take notice of what the underlying themes are.  What common ingredient makes it hot for you again and again no matter what shape the fantasy takes?   Break that down so you can clearly communicate it and consent to it, agreeing to safewords and after-care.

hand shakeConsent, Negotiation and Safe words

Humiliation is a volatile fantasy to play with.  It has to be very carefully discussed and consented to before hand because one person’s turn on is the next person’s traumatic experience.  I can’t emphasis enough how important it is to discuss a potential humiliation scene thoroughly and work out exactly what hits the hot buttons and which ones hit the genuine ouch buttons.   It is important for all parties involved to consent to certain activities, attitudes and understand the vibe of the individual player’s core erotic theme.  

No matter how much you plan, there is always a certain amount of risk in these kinds of games.  I get my play partners to actively acknowledge that risk and take self-responsibility for it.  Having a plan for if things go awry is really useful.    We agree to a safe word that can stop our play at any time if needed.  I ask my play partners not to use the safe word willy-nilly but to take three long, slow breaths before using it.  If they still need to use, it, go for it but make sure they need to.  Life isn’t all nice kittens and pie and sometimes the most challenging parts of the play turn out, in hindsight, to be what really gave it power.

My most immediate psychological “first aid” tool for if my play partner or I becomes triggered is to focus on breathing.   When an unexpected surge of emotion rises in us, as it sometimes does when working with erotic alchemy,  I get the person to focus completely on their breath.  Counting with them and guiding them to breath very slowly and fully.. letting the air fall all the way out before taking the next breath.   Doing this for ten breaths is often enough to shift the burst of emotive energy  to be able to talk about it and feel into what needs to happen next.  If what needs to happen is beyond my scope, I have the numbers of highly respected, kink-friendly counsellors and psychotherapists handy.

It’s also important to discuss after-care.  Even if my play partner is grinning from ear to ear at the end of our session, aftercare may be needed to bring things full circle.   It is good to discuss with the person what they need to reassure them they are a respected, valuable human being.  For some people suddenly becoming all nurturing at the end of the session would burst the bubble for them but for others, it is essential or they will feel weepy and empty for days.  There are no fixed rules so communication and risk aware experimentation is key.    Quite often a blanket, a cup of tea and a chance to de-brief about the experience is enough.

If your play partner is not experienced, it may help to seek out someone in the kink and/or tantra scene who is who can help you work it out.   The local kink scene often runs workshops and skill shares.  Or else you can book in for a professional session with a dominatrix or switch. Some professionals approach their play more consciously than others so ask questions until you find the right fit.  Many kink professionals are happy to see couples and guide them into a play session together.  

If you are looking to specifically learn the skills to take humiliation into the realm of conscious play as part of your personal journey into great self-awareness, personal transformation, discovery and alignment then there are people listed on my website who work in those areas offering everytign from counselling, workshops, and play sessions.   There is a book list on the resources section of my website.   You are also welcome to sign up to my mailing list to keep an eye out for upcoming workshops or book in for a personalised consultation or play session.  Skype sessions consultations available.  

Most of all, remember that while this kind of play can push boundaries and be challenging, it is also lots and lots of  fun and one hell of an adventure!   Good luck on your quest to discover even more of your inner world and get off in the process.  Yay for the paradox of holy smut!

 – Artemisia de Vine: Goddess of Conscious Kink

 

All material on this blog is copyright and the property of Artemisia de Vine.   

Oct 122013
 

vintage spanking 3I am a spanking enthusiast based in Sydney, Australia.  I thoroughly enjoy the role of spanker and spankee.  There doesn’t appear to be much of a traditional spanking scene in Australia and I intend to remedy that with my fabulous spanking enthusiast colleagues.

There is something truly, wickedly divine about a spanking.  I simply adore being both a spanker and a spankee.  I love everything about it.  The nervous anticipation… the playfulness… the sternness… the lovely floaty trance inducing rhythmic spanking… and the shock of the harsh punishment spankings… paddles… canes… taws… hand spanking… OTK (over the knee) and more.   I love the red, tender welts that serve as a reminder…  The embarrassment of being put-in-line… The thrill of exploring power over each other.

Each spanking session has its own flavor but there are a few that stand out as worth mentioning.

One of my favorite playmates and I really enjoy exploring the role play of boss who has caught his secretary stealing from petty cash… She can be fired or she can save her job and take a sound spanking followed by six of the best cane strokes.   Blushing and protesting she bends over his knee for a long hand spanking… Skirts hiked up and panties down…  The humiliation of it is quite delicious.  Then, when she is thoroughly warmed up, she is striped naked and made to bend over the desk to take the paddle, strap and finally the cane.  It is an intoxicating mix of pleasure and pain.

Vintage-Spanking-Image 6However when this is done, the secretary realises that actually the boss has been embezzling money which is a far worse crime.  She uses this information to turn the tables on him in a sizzling scene where she gives far more punishment than she gets and won’t stop until she gets a pay rise.   Oh boy does the boss regret his earlier degradation of her as he is forced to take everything she dishes out or be publicly outed and possibly face jail time.   It is a terribly fun game of humiliation and revenge, giggles and banter and squeals as cane bites flesh.
Another favorite is playing card games or board games like snakes and ladders.  Who ever loses gets the next spanking.   School student being disciplined in the principle’s office is another fun game…  Over the chair, touch your toes… Thwack, thwack, thwack!

Here is a tale I wrote out about Paul who is disciplined by his sister-in-law for not appreciating his wife.  Hope you enjoy it!

However, on occasion I do not want any role play at all.  I simply want to float in the genuine pleasure of a rhythmic spanking.   Spanking can actually be used beautifully with tantric techniques to induce an erotic, ecstatic trance.   People have been using pleasure and pain for centuries to carry them into altered states of consciousness for pleasure, ordeal initiations and for spiritual experiences.
I have loved spanking for as long as I can remember.  It is a personal passion.   I think the English tradition of the spankee is truly fabulous and aim to bring something similar to Sydney.  I also plan on exploring a few non traditional ways of exploring too.  As well as my professional sessions, I dream of having spanking parties and events.  I am seriously considering making a few spanking clips in future so stay tuned.  Perhaps even drop me a line to suggest a favorite spanking scenario.