Oct 182018
 

 

Submissives often get a little confused as to whether to apply for a Mistress session or a Goddess Worship session.  Here’s a guide to help you.

The first question you need to ask yourself is, do you want to see Me to explore your own kinks or do you wish to experience putting aside all your own desires in order to submit to Mine? 

Let Me be clear, neither of these are wrong.  In both cases, I will genuinely be dominant.  The difference is where the focus goes. 

Exploring Your Kinky Wiring

Quite often, people have all these lovely kinky desires within them and no avenue with which to explore them.  Perhaps they don’t have a partner who shares their kinks, or perhaps their partner doesn’t have training in the relevant art form. This is where play time with a Pro Domme comes in…

However, when applying for a Mistress session with Me, remember that while I am happy to help you explore yourself and am very interested in how you are uniquely wired, I am still very much part of this dynamic.  There are two people playing here.  I don’t fake being Dominant. 

To make this work, I sit you down in an in-depth consultation and work out all sorts of interesting things about how your erotic psyche works, many of which you will be unaware of yourself. I then create a Dominant and submissive dynamic that draws on these aspects but also takes into account what I want. I find the ground in which we naturally overlap and play there, using your kinky wiring to get responses I desire. It is the resulting D/s feedback loop that transports us both. 

Your desire to explore certain things like anal play, bondage, cross dressing, corporal punishment etc can be taken into account in a Mistress session.  Of course, there are times of complete submission to My desires within this play too.  There is space for both to happen as it needs to.

However, this session never includes intimate body worship.  The *only* time I feel good about that sort of play is in the Goddess Worship session.

Submitting to My Desires

Goddess Worship sessions are about entering a place of complete surrender and worship. It is not about what you want at all. You have to be willing to let go of all your own desires to submit to Mine. 

This includes letting go of being attached to being aroused.  Maybe, what I want won’t arouse you.  Maybe it will.  That is not the point.  The point is, letting your attachment to arousal go, so I am free to be who I truly am in the moment and can express Myself unhindered. 

I do listen to your limits and respect them and we still use safe words but within that framework, this session is ALL ABOUT ME.  I don’t know what I will want to do until I want to do it. I listen to My body and My desires from moment to moment and you become a living sacrifice on My altar. 

Your job is to submit utterly in worship. That is it.  Nothing else. Simple yet really challenging and unspeakably profound once achieved.

This session is the only time I enjoy intimate body worship. However, there is still no guarantee that you will get to touch Me at all.  Remember there is a massive difference between Goddess Worship and objectification. If I don’t feel it, I don’t do it.  I can choose to make you stand in the corner the entire session if I choose.  Or I could want to do some other BDSM activity entirely. It is up to Me and you are to be grateful for any experience that comes your way. 

Let go of expectations. You won’t get what you want because it is NOT ABOUT YOU.  

Different tribute applies

Why would someone book this session? 

Well, true submission transports a person.  One cannot describe it.  Furthermore, this is the *only* way that you can ever be let into the inner most intimate sphere of this Mistress.  The holy of holies.

Most submissives start by submitting to take.  That is, to get their own submissive needs met.  Don’t get me wrong, it is ok to have submissive needs and to find someone you can explore them with.  However, to then graduate into submitting to give… That is next level again. That is where one truly begins to experience the Mysteries of Dominant Goddess Worship.

There is no other way to get there than utter surrender. You cannot fool the deep psyche. It knows.  I can also feel it if you are making it about you instead of making it about Me. You will never experience those Mysteries unless you let go completely. 

To Apply go here…

Oct 172018
 

 

I am enjoying working out the kinky possibilities of My new venue. Each version of The deVinery lends itself to different emphasis.  This one comes with a fantastic cross dressing room as well as the main, well-equipped dungeon, complete with cupboard under the stairs for locking up My overnight slaves, like little kinky Harry Potters.  

My style is elegantly perverted Mistress of the manor and I enjoy Feminine dominance that spans the full spectrum of BDSM arts.  This venue suits Me well.  

If you would like to find out what it is like for those who submit to Me, keep reading. 

Sydney Professional Dominatrix, Mistress Artemisia de Vine

Extended Sessions
Sydney, being the business hub it is, often attracts overseas visitors who factor in play time while they are here.  Some explore a one-off experiences and others opt for several sessions that build on each other, dropping deeper and deeper into submission the more we unwrap the erotic psyche together.  Others travel to Sydney especially to experience ongoing submissive training and we enter into an extended sessions that can last days, or even a week.

I lock their clothes and possessions away, only to be returned after they have completed the training program. Of course, we do use safe words, but unless there is genuine need to invoke them, My submissives belong to Me utterly. They are My slaves, pets or toys to shape, reward and punish as I see fit.  

Sydney dungeon The deVinery owned by Mistress Artemisia de Vine

As always, My biggest kink is getting inside their minds to hidden things in the shadows even they didn’t know lurked there. I like power.  In order to have true power over them, I have to deeply understand them and I turn My full attention to the task.

Interestingly, this leads to quite delicious intimacy. Afterall, do you feel closer to those who only see your socially acceptable “nice” side or to those who crawl into the taboo corners of your psyche and accept you as you are? More than that, revel in it through play… 

Each of these training programs is designed around the unique psyche of the submissive kneeling before Me.  I then use this knowledge to make them dance to My tune.  The places we can travel to within ourselves, and with each other, through the resulting feedback loop, is really breathtaking.  It is not something one can put in words.  

“That was the first experience I’ve ever really had of being pushed past the boundaries I knew… that was breathtaking! I didn’t know… I had no idea… all this time I thought it was about what made me feel horny but this… I don’t even have words for this! I couldn’t have cared less if I came or not… It was beautiful!” he said, gently crying in the afterglow, his head on my lap. 

Another slave who chose to delve deeper into submission to Me, responded this way: “You nailed it! You just got inside me and, well got me. You should write a book on the psychology behind this because clearly you really have some incredible insight and experience.” 

“Yes, yes I bloody well should.” I replied.  And one day I will write that book.  

 

 

Not all sessions are hardcore sado-masochism.  Some are more about bringing out aspects of self that have had no air to breathe before:

“Mistress, I found you very intimidating at first but your sessions were very rewarding. You really opened me up and set me on the amazing journey i contine on now. When i met you i was mainly into Boots and little else. You encouraged my feminine side and got me to appreciate the sensuality of dressing in heels, stockings and gorgeous make up . You got me to do so many things like buying womens shoes and underwear, something i do with ease now. You christened me Mirandah, introduced me to Fetlife and set me on my way. Thanks to you i currently serve an amazing Mistress and am so happy in myself.

So thank you for all you did Mistress. You basically got inside my head, extracted all that was in there and got me to do it. You are an amazing Mistress and i cannot thank you enough.”

Submerging into this journey affects all levels of us and the positive effects ripple out into our lives.  When we keep our kinks in darkness and shame they remain twisted.  When we create an aware and intentional relationship with them and delve deeply into them, they come into alignment with the rest of us, improving our relationship with ourself and with others. 

 

My maid has been serving me for several years now and this is what she has to say: 

Dear Mistress,

My life has changed for the better, since meeting You.

From the outset several years ago, You helped me escape my reality through acting out fantasy scenarios and allowing me to explore my true self in a safe, non-judgemental setting within pre-determined boundaries. This was the beginning of a journey which took me to places I could not have imagined prior to meeting You. As a result, I am a far better person today.

I was continuously drawn to You because Your personal and professional identity seemed to be one in the same. You are an authentic, intelligent, creative artist who lives the persona on a 24/7 basis. Since there was no ‘acting’, I immediately felt a dynamic bond formed between us. You embraced and understood me, guiding and teaching me in my journey throughout the D/s world.

There are many ways in which my life has been enhanced through our interactions and training. A few of these are: communication, patience, respect, self-control and service.

I remember often You referring to the importance of communication – the means by which trust is built. This not only provided me a ‘high’ throughout our sessions moreover, it helped improve relationships, both at work and at home. Many of the regular daily confrontations simply melted away.

Additionally, for the first time in my life You’ve helped me feel entirely comfortable with who I am. We’ve had many conversations, both in and out of session, about my life’s direction and how it aligns with my sexual identity. Thankfully, the stereotypical roles of males being the aggressive and sadistic, and females being the passive and masochistic have been blown sky-high. I have the greatest of respect for You as my superior and Your training has profoundly changed my attitude toward gender roles in society.

While living is this state of transition has not been easy, You have shown me how to be my true-self, which of course included serving You. My anxiety and associated depression have not bothered me in a long time. I am in a comfortable place now.

What began as a fantasy has evolved into a grown-up lifestyle journey. The vestiges of arrogant male pride have been shattered and replaced with a genuine ‘female’ desire to serve my Mistress. Making Your life a little better is the greatest reward for as we are taught, it is in giving that we receive.

With great affection,

Isabel

If you wish to apply to submit to Me, you will need to read My website first, then call to discuss with Me the possibilities. I do cater to one-off explorations of your kinks but My true love is teaching you to deeply submit and serve Mine. 

Also, subscribe to my newsletter to ensure you don’t miss out on latest pics, blogs, tours, news. 

Follow Me on twitter 

Jul 262018
 

Her lip quivered slightly as she held her shaking hands out in front of her, palms up.  She stood there in nothing but her knickers and squeezed her eyes shut in anticipation of the stinging cane stroke I was about to deliver. I made her wait for it.

“A maid should carry herself with decorum at all times.  You should be aware of your surroundings and how you appear to Me.  Are you are a neat and appealing addition to My room or are you a cluttered, mess disturbing my equilibrium?  I expect My maids to move with grace and stand, kneel or sit in the proper positions as outlined by My protocol training.  Fidgeting is not tolerated.”

“Yes Mistress.  I apologise Mistress.  I will try harder.” she said blushing.

“Normally I cane your lovely plump bottom, but fidgeting hands are likely to remember to be still if they are throbbing and sore.” 

“Yes Mistress, You are right Mistress.”  She acquiesced, trying to make herself as agreeable as possible. Her arms were beginning to shake and droop a little.

“Hands out straight! Sloppy Missy! Sloppy and disappointing. I think I will double your punishment if you cannot take My instruction seriously!” 

Her face filled with alarm as she promptly lifted her arms back up straight out in front of her. 

Australian Disciplinarian

The cane whirred satisfyingly as it sliced through the air and landed sharply across both palms.  Missy cried out and involuntarily pulled her hands away. 

“Tutt, tutt.” I purred as I pulled them back into place.  “You know you are to present your palms willingly for your punishment.  The whole reason you are here is because you have no control over your posture.  Hold  your hands out straight and do not withdraw them.  You have six strokes, but each time you pull away, we will start at number one again.” 

“Yes Mistress, she said.  I had her full attention now. I like how pain does that.  A well delivered punishment not only corrects errant behaviour but also brings their wandering minds fully into the room with Me. No escaping My sharp attention.  

“Now remember to count and thank Me after each stroke.” 

Again the cane sliced through the air, finding its target  perfectly.  Again the maid’s responses were involuntary as she pulled her hands away and winced in pain. 

“One thank you Mistress, may I please have another?”

“I can see you are not taking My lessons seriously.  You should be grateful I am putting this time and effort into training you. I can see I am going to have to take this up a notch.”  I paused, then continued…

“Stand in the corner, with your nose touching the wall until I return.  She obediently did as she was told.  I sauntered over and placed a 50 cent coin between her nose and the wall. 

“Hands behind your back!”  I quickly locked the cuffs she permanently wore behind her.   “Now, don’t drop that coin.  I expect it to still be there when I return or your punishment will triple.” 

She began to sweat,  which of course, made that cursed coin even harder to hold in place.  I then bent down and pulled her knickers down.  There was evidence of her earlier caning in the form of neat welts on her milky buttocks.  I slipped a gloved finger between the crack.   

“Some say fidgeting means you have ants in your pants” I said.  I plan on training you to be perfectly elegant in your posture and movements no matter what is in your pants.  Do you hear Me?”

“Yes Mistress,” came the miserable reply. 

I gently massaged her tight little pucker and eased it open.  Confused she moaned at this pleasurable touch and struggled to keep the coin against the wall. 

“Arch your back and present your bottom to Me and whatever you do, do NOT fidget, am I clear?”

“Yes Mistress”  she said immediately opening her herself to My touch.  Her rounded hips and small waist were pleasing in this position. 

I slid my finger inside her and a small moan escaped her mouth.  She quivered and the coin came crashing to the floor. 

“My, my Missy, what am I going to do with you?” 

“I am sorry Mistress, I am so sorry.  I won’t do it again.  Please give me another chance?”  she begged.

“I plan on giving you a lesson you won’t forget in a hurry, young lady.”  I smirked, stern but enjoying Myself.

“Now pick up the coin with your mouth, kneel before Me and present it to Me.” 

She  crawled  on the floor with her hands still tied behind her back trying to get the coin in her mouth.  I leaned back to enjoy the view.

After while of scrambling about, her bare bottom bobbing in the air, she managed to get the coin in her mouth and knelt before Me.  I had her drop it in my hand.  It was wet from her saliva.  It would be even harder to hold against the wall now…

I reached down, cupped her chin and looked intently into her eyes.  “Now, you have been a disgrace with your training so far Missy.  You need to learn your place as My maid.  If you ever wish to earn the right to wear the colours of My house, The deVinery, as a fully trained service submissive and maid, you will need to try a lot harder.  Do you understand?”

“Yes Mistress,”  eagerness to obey in all her features.  “I really want to be the best maid I can be.  I really want You to be proud of me so I can serve Your guests and make Your life easier.  I am willing to submit to Your training and will do my very best to please You.”

“Good girl.  Now stand back in the corner and hold this coin in place with your nose no matter what I do to you.  Quick smart!”  I clapped my hands twice sharply. 

She leapt up and presented her bottom beautifully, nose pressed firmly against the wall, hands still cuffed behind her back. 

I slipped a gloved finger between her buttocks and began massaging her hole open again.  Missy strained with the effort of keeping still and quiet. 

I took My time… No need to rush… I was enjoying this game.  I want to train My service staff to be exactly who I want them to be.  I train servants of all genders.  They each have their appeal.   I enjoy the process of moulding them, body and mind.

Missy arched her back slightly more, trying to resist the urge to lean into my touch.  I slid something hard and cool between her cheeks.  It was slippery with oil.  Missy’s breath was sharp as I slid it into her bottom.  It took a moment before she reacted. 

Three, two, one… her skin flushed red and she really began to sweat in earnest. 

“Wha… what is that Mistress!” gasped Missy in confused alarm. 

You do not speak unless  you first ask permission to speak Missy.  You know better than that!”

“Sorry Mistress, permission to speak please Mistress?” 

“Yes you may speak.”

“It burns Mistress!  What is it?” 

It is a lovely ginger root, I peeled and carved into a butt plug for you and then coated in home made chilli oil.  Chilli from My own garden.  Aren’t you lucky!”

“Errrr… yes Mistress, thank You Mistress.  Oh Mistress, it burns!”

“Yes worse than ants in pants I imagine.  Now you will learn how to hold your correct posture and demeanour no matter what.  I can remind you again and again by applying this technique until you learn.  Thank Me for training you.” 

“Thank you Mistress.  Thank you for taking your time to train me properly.”  she said, breathlessly attempting to sound measured and polite. 

“Good, now hold that coin in place while I go and arrange the rest of your punishment.  You still need to receive your six strokes of the cane across your hands without fidgeting.” 

“Yes Mistress,” she gulped, sweat beads turning into rivulets on her forehead, knickers still bunched around her knees.

The corners of My mouth curled slightly in satisfaction as I left the room. I took my time and made Myself a lovely cup of tea and checked my messages.  I rested and enjoyed the afternoon sun refracting through the crystals hanging in my dining room window.  My herb garden was looking lovely!  Especially those bright red chillis. So nice to spend some quiet time to Myself for a moment.

When I judged my maid had spent enough time anticipating My return, and suspected her bottom had perplexed her enough to make her willing and compliant, and her imagination had gone wild with what I planned next, I rummaged through the pantry until I found what I was looking for. 

I re-entered the room and poured uncooked rice in a pile on the floor.  Missy was bent over in the corner.  The coin had obviously slipped down some so she was bent, shaking, trying to hold it in place.  This made an appealing view of her behind, with the tip of the ginger root protruding. 

I paused, silent and just watched for a full two minutes.  I enjoyed hearing her breathing reveal her struggle even as she remained as still as she could. 

“You may drop the coin now Missy.”  I said with casual unconcern.

She dropped it in relief and stood back up in the posture she had been trained to use when standing and waiting for orders.  Shoulder back, eyes down, feet neatly together. 

“Come here Missy”, I said clapping my hands sharply in summons.  She obeyed. She was alert to my every mood and movement, as a good maid should be.  There was nothing in her world but Me.  She was no longer distracted and fidgeting.  She was putting her full attention on what I wanted and how I wanted it. My training was working. 

“How is your bottom feeling Missy?” 

“It still burns Mistress”. 

Good, now kneel on the rice in front of Me and hold your hands out straight, palms up.  We are going to start again with the six of the best I promised you.  This time, your posture will be perfect and you will not flinch, am I clear?” 

“Yes Mistress.” 

She did as she was told and kneeled her bare knees on the rice on the hard tiled floor.  Each grain dug into her flesh.  Her bottom was on fire.  However, this time she held her arms out straight and presented her palms beautifully.

The cane sliced through the air and landed across her fingers.  Her body jolted with the pain of it but she did not withdraw her hands.  It took all her concentration, but she did it.  That is what I wanted from her.  I wanted her to put ALL of who she is into each moment of service to Me. 

“One thank You Mistress, may I please have another?”

Time slowed as again the cane sliced through the air and found its target.  I chose whether or not I wished to hit her palms or her fingers.  She resolutely held her arms out, submitting to My punishments. 

“Two thank You Mistress, may I please have another?“  Her pretty plump thighs shook with the effort to remain still, still kneeling on the grains of rice.  No doubt they were digging in against tender knee bones by now.  

Again I caned her, three, four and five times, pausing between each stroke to allow the dread the coming punishment to build. Her muscles shook and her face flushed with the effort of holding still but did not lose her posture.

“You know what they say about the last stroke don’t you Missy?”

“Yes Mistress, it is always the hardest,” she said, clearly attempting not to cry.

I paused even longer before the last stroke.  Her whole body was shaking now in the effort to hold still.  The rice was pushing the edge of what it was possible for her to bare, her bottom alarmingly on fire and her hands covered in angry welts. 

“What have you learned Missy?”

Tears began to flow.  “I have learned not fidget and that the protocol positions You teach me must be adhered to at all times,” she sobbed, “I have learned I must be graceful and aware of how I look to You at all times.” 

“Good girl.” I said satisfied and sent the final stroke flying through the air like a lightning bolt.

Missy cried out and began to cry uncontrollably but did not move an inch.  I was proud of her.  I watched her hold the position waiting for My command to release her.  I watched admiring her devotion shaking through every fibre of her being and enjoyed just how far she would go for Me.  There is a beautiful kind of intimacy in Dominance and submission.  I made her stay there so I could soak it in. 

“I am proud of you My girl.”  I whispered.  Her whole being glowed with the praise.  “You may drop your hands now and get off the rice. 

She crumpled on the floor in relief. 

“Now let Me give you a little reward.  My training is always a little carrot as well as a little stick. Get on all fours.” 

She did so without hesitation even though her knees were so very sore. She arched her back prettily to make her rump available to Me… Her knees the right width apart…  I straddled her, and used her as a seat, sitting close to her buttocks.  I stroked her sore bare bottom and murmured soothing sounds.  Then, when I was good and ready, I let the warm trickle of my golden nectar run down her buttocks and sooth her fiery red bottom.  She sobbed in gratitude.  My quivering, teary mess of a maid was covered in my golden shower, broken and obedient, as is proper. 

However, this is merely one lesson in a long series.  While she has been serving Me a little while now, she was still only early on in my Submissive Training Program.  I held her head and stroked her hair as she cried and clung to my ankle. 

“That’s enough for today”.  I purred.  “Your next lesson will be how to draw a bath of milk and honey and perform a proper bathing ceremony for Mistress. There is protocol for this that must be followed exactly.  However that is enough for now.  I am pleased with your progress.

Find out more about Mistress Artemisia’s upcoming Submissive Training Program by joining her mailing list and following Her on twitter

Find out more about Mistress Artemisia de Vine, Sydney’s Goddess of Elegant Perversion, BDSM & fetish.  Explore Her kinky world and discover the other types of sessions available.

Aug 132016
 

 

cross dressing sydney boot fetish sissy Mistress blurred ck

 

It was an absolute delight to session with Sarah, the fabulous sissy and shoe fetishist yesterday.  Sarah asked if she could bring her shoe collection to show me.  I eagerly agreed as I do love shoes.  When she got here, she brought suit case after suitcase into the room… all full of shoes!  She even brought a surfboard cover full of shoes! I didn’t count them but she said there were 98 pairs there.

shoe boot fetish sydney Mistress Artemisia blurred CK

 

I invited my friend, M, over to join in the fun.  M has an interest in learning about sissies, cross-dressing and fetishes and has a natural inclination towards helping others explore their sissy side but lacks the confidence to conduct professional sessions.  However with her clear passion for all things cross dressing and sissy, I am sure it won’t be long before she runs brilliant sessions!

At first M was quiet and just observed but it didn’t take her long to break out and get drawn into the games.  Much to sissy Sarah’s delight, by the end of the afternoon, M was right into it!   There was a shoe fetish spit roasting scene with Sarah on all fours sucking the divine heels M was wearing while I took Sarah from behind wearing this fabulous butt plug attached to a shoe!

shoe fetish butt plug sydney Mistress Artemisia CK

Amongst all this fabulousness was a bunch of dresses that Sarah paraded around for us.  This pleased M so much that she joined me in donning a strap-on and our sweet sissy Sarah obediently became our slutty bitch.

Sydney fetishist sissy cross dress CK
At the close of our play,  Sissy Sarah gifted both M and I a pair of beautiful shoes each.  M was delighted with her elegant black and white heals while I am so very pleased with my great thigh high leather boots.

Not all my session are about intense domination.  Sometimes it is about letting our hair down and having a romp.  All in all it was a great afternoon of shoe sniffing, champagne sipping, girly lesbian fun.

Sissy Sarah

Sissy Sarah

sissy sydney shoes fetish domina CK

Jul 052014
 

Mistress corporate logoHello Ms de Vine,

I just wanted to reiterate how amazing it was and how much I got out of it. The fact that you listened to what I was after and then incorporated it seamlessly into an incredible session, where all the way through the session it really felt like we were in the role play scenario that had been created. I said that the what I was really into was the overlap between submission, pain and sexuality and the session certainly hit that sweet spot (as I suspect you could tell from the mind-blowing orgasm I had at the end!) while also really pushing my boundaries. I’m already thinking about our next session and where I might ask you to push my boundaries a bit further!

Below I’ve put down some more of my thoughts regarding the session. Feel free to use any or all of it (and any of this email) on your blog/website as long as you keep me totally anonymous.

Here is how Anonymous described what actually happened in session

“I made sure I turned up right on time (not early or late) for my 2 hour session with Ms De Vine. Although I was a little nervous she immediately put me at ease with her welcome and a soothing cup of tea with our pre-session chat. I had already talked to Ms De Vine regarding what I was after but the pre-chat went into much further detail and Ms De Vine really digged down into what I was after to ensure that the session was as amazing as possible. I had indicated my likes and dislikes and said to Ms De Vine that my overarching interest was a role play session where we explored the overlap between submission, pain and sexuality.

knickersAfter a quick shower I re-entered the play space (naked naturally) and, as a naughty nephew, started to examine some lingerie that my Auntie has left out. After a couple of minutes she came in and asked what the hell I was doing. Her eyes were immediately drawn to my small cock, which she left me in no doubt was inadequate. I was given two choices, be exposed as a pervert with a tiny dick or take the punishment that my auntie had devised. Naturally I chose to be punished.

Auntie immediately informed my that as I had a small clitty rather than a penis I should be dressed not as a boy but as the girl I was such and was made to put on a pair of Aunties girly panties. They didn’t stay up for very long though as Auntie put me across her knee and gave me a hard spanking. Once my bum was nice and red she led me over to the bench where I was given a further hard spanking with the paddle and strap.

Auntie then led me back to her couch and told me to stand in front of her with my hand on my heads while she tied up my cock and balls. This took some time as Auntie had some trouble due to the smallness of my penis. Auntie of course managed to succeed and then gave my clit and balls the whipping that they deserved. It stung let me tell you leading me to drop my hands a couple of times and incur a further punishment later on. As Auntie had identified my clitty was never going to satisfy a women she generously offered to instruct me in the worship and pleasure of a women using my tongue. I tried my best, but naturally I was not up to the task and so Auntie punished my balls (hard)  further on several occasions with her foot (ball busting). Eventually she told me to stop my inadequate efforts and told me it was time for further punishment.

Mistress high heelsAfter some further cock and ball torture, Auntie told me to lie down on the bench and start playing with my clitty. The fact I only needed to use two fingers to pleasure myself caused Auntie a lot of amusement. Just as I was starting to feel good Auntie started to cane my penis, drawing me close to orgasm several times before bringing the cane down on my cock.

Eventually she took mercy on me and said I could orgasm as long as I begged enough for it. I begged hard let me tell you! Begging Auntie to keep rubbing my little clitty until I could cum. At one point she stopped right on the edge and I thought she was going to stop but after some further begging she kindly allowed me to cum (and have a mind-blowing orgasm). After disgustingly wiping away the cum she told me if she caught me playing with her underwear again the punishment would be twice as bad.

Overall this was a mind-blowing session. Ms De Vine really created a role play environment that I believed I was in all the way throughout. She listened to what I was after and incorporated it into the session (especially the overlap between submission, pain and sexuality) while pushing my boundaries in several areas (beyond even what I had thought possible) and because we had a good understanding of where our interests overlapped I really felt that Ms De Vine was as into the session as I was. In addition she took the time after the session was over to ensure I was ready to re-nter the real world! I will be booking another session soon!”

Jun 052014
 

dominatrix strap on 1Anal play and, in particular, pegging, is such a popular session!  After all it is one of the best ways to access the male G spot.  Who would want to miss out on that?

Over the years working as a professional dominatrix I’ve become experienced in anal play on men from finger to fist and everything in between.  There are many ways in which to approach anal play.  However, it is not just the toys we use or which anal techniques we’ve learnt but also the attitude with which we approach a play scene that makes the experience full of fireworks.

CDR457840 digital rectal examEach of us has unique erotic wiring, so it is important to go about pegging in a way that taps into your core erotic themes.  It’s no good being all sensual if you are turned on by the idea of being ravished and taken by a dominant woman… Likewise, it is no good being ordered into a degrading position if you are the type who needs seductive coaxing…  Is being pegged a reward or punishment for you?  A sensual connection or a degrading sex act?   Is it a power game or  the expression of equal lovers?  One person’s turn on is another’s trauma so it is an important part of the consent process to discuss this before you play.

To help you ask for what it is you really crave, I have put together some of the more popular scenarios that get my boys excited to bend over for me.  It’s far from an exhaustive list but covers some of the main fantasy  and play styles.  Which one are you?  Are you a combination of several of these?  What key themes do you  need in order for pegging to work for you?

beginner strap onAdded Spice with all Things Nice:

Key themes: Added Sensation, experimentation, Curiosity

This style is for those who are new to exploring anal play and pegging.   This type of player usually does not want to make pegging the entire focus of the session but treat it like an added spice to their main meal to give it a bit of kick.  These types tend to be more sexual rather than BDSM-focused.

Works well with:  Single digit Prostate massage, small training dildo or vibrator, sex

tantra dildoSensual Surrender:

Key Themes: Intimacy, Connection, Sensuality, Opening, Surrender, Ecstasy, Erotic Trance

Not everyone who likes to receive the attentions of my strap on is into being dominated or degraded.  (For those that do like it dirty or all about power and control, scroll on down. Your type is here too).  Anal play can be a deeply sensual, profoundly receptive experience.  To have someone enter your body with fingers or toys is to surrender and open in a way that is hard to describe.  People into this style of pegging often respond well to a full body sensual seduction first to help drop them down into a floaty aroused state.  An extended external anal massage and teasing session helps relax and arouse… preparing the body for penetration.

When its time to begin, we start gently with a single finger, loosening the anal sphincter muscles.  Pegging is never forced.  We wait until the anus invites my dildo in.  We synch rhythms through music and by tuning into what their body is ready for.   Staying deeply relaxed can make way for male G spot orgasms.  For sensual peggers, it’s about taking the time to truly sink into and open to the experience.   There are two main sub categories amongst the Sensual Surrender Types.

intimacy strap on sex2Sensual Intimacy Types:  It is important to note that some of the Sensual Surrender types will be seeking intimacy and connection while others are going into a sort of erotic trance inside themselves.   Those that seek intimacy usually seek eye contact and often enjoy being placed on their back with their legs in the air and being “made love to”.    Supportive leg harnesses and slings can help them relax their legs and therefore anal sphincters while holding this position.

My lovers bottomSensual Erotic Trance Types: are those who like to close their eyes and become completely overwhelmed by the sensations.  They go somewhere inside themselves. For trance types the play style is about facilitating surrender much like a massage therapist.  This kind of experience is about being embodied  and it helps if they feel held and supported so they can let go and submerge themselves in the experience.   This allows the trust needed for them to drop down deep.  It can be quite distracting to try to use intimacy or fantasy when they are in this state.  It can snap them right out of the embodied erotic bliss.   It always pays to negotiate what your intention is for the play session so you are not pulling in different directions.

Works well with: a full body massage, sensation play, feathers, silk scarves, blindfolds, essential oils, tantric breathing and trance techniques, sex slings, supportive foot/leg harnesses.

dominatrix strap on 2Dominatrix Dick:

Key themes: Domination, Control, Fear, Intimidation, Submission, Sadism, Masochism

For some pegging is about being dominated.  The thought of a woman with an intimidating strap-on standing over them, ordering them to bend over and spread their butt cheeks gets them immediately hard…  Or teetering on subspace…  For some this style of play is about being sexually turned on and for others it is purely an act of submission.  It’s very important to communicate which of these you are.  The more information you give your Domme about how you are wired, the more fun she can have manipulating you in ways that suit her…  And this type of session is all about what She wants…

These types often respond well to waiting on their hands and knees, ready to obey their Domme’s every word.    The scene here is about having their boundaries pushed and offering up their vulnerable asshole to please their Mistress.  She makes them take more than they thought possible.  Being a little (or a lot!) afraid of what she will do next is big part of it.  Anal play may be seen as a punishment or a reward in these play scenes. Those into Dominatrix Dick often respond well to being called “slave”. Use safe words in this role play to stop the scene if necessary.

Works well with: Bondage, Punishment, Intense Sensation Play, Fisting, Footing, Butt plugs, Enemas, Prostate milking, Figging, Electric Play, Proctoscopes, Anal hooks.

strap on big blackRavished  Rear End:

Key Themes:  Being Desired,  Taken, Overpowered

For some pegging is about being ravished and taken.  It feels good to be the object of desire and see the urgent need in your lover’s eyes.  It can feel great to be the one being “done to” rather than the one “doing” for a change.  While in real life, no one wants to be raped, it is a very popular role play fantasy to be “forced” to receive the very pleasure we secretly want.   This can take the form of being “forced”  to be penetrated with primal lust.  Perhaps they are made helpless with bondage or perhaps mind games allowing  that psychologically dominate  them to allow themselves to be used for someone else’s animalistic pleasure.

It is important to consent to this in a clear discussion beforehand and to utilise safe words should you need to stop the scene.  A safe word is a word used to stop all activity and check in to see what is wrong.  Safe words are vital in this situation because the person being ravished may want to role play protesting by saying “No, please don’t do it to me!”  and “But you are so big! I’m so scared”  or various other forms of protests.  If you have a safe word,  the ravishing can proceed with the creative gusto and all involved can sink right into the role play without fear they are actually causing harm.

Works well with: Restraint, Mixture of Rough and Sensual play, Erotic Play, Head fucking.

strap on harness 6Reluctantly Naughty:

Key Themes: Naughtiness, Dirtiness, Seduction, Forbidden Fruit, Manipulation, Submission, Coaxing, Nurturing, Control

These players enjoy the fact that anal play is still considered taboo and dirty.  They enjoy the feeling of  “wrongness”  and of  being coaxed and seduced into doing something wicked.   Some like to protest and play innocent but have someone else tease and coax them into giving up their vulnerable hole to be penetrated.   It is a form of submission and control through a mixture of authority and seduction.  Again safe words are a very good idea so you know when the reluctance is play acting and when it is real.

Works well with: Role Play, Age play, Teacher/school student, Boss/employee, Baby sitter/teenaged boy, Hot neighbor caught you peeping through her window and has decided to have her way with you or she’ll dob you in… You get the idea…

squirting strap onSlutty Toy :

Key Themes: Degradation, Being Used, Humiliation, Objectification, Domination and Submission

This style is for those who are turned on by feeling erotically used and degraded.   Picture all the stereotypes of the slut or the whore being used for another’s pleasure.  Of course I am far too sex-positive to really believe those stereotypes but it can be hot to tap into that archetype in role play.   Slutty toys often like being on their hands and knees being trained to deep throat and having their holes stretched by dildo after dildo in by ever increasing size.  These types can enjoy being trained to take whatever Mistress pleases in whatever way she likes.  Some times this can include either fantasising about or actually getting extra people of various genders to join in the fun.

Works well with:  Gang Bangs, Slut training, Exhibitionism, Forced Bi scenarios, Glory Holes, Butt plugs, Spit Roasting

sissy slut strap onThe Sissy Slut

Key Themes: Gender fucking, Being Desired, Feminine, Submissive, Degradation, Feeling Exposed, Vulnerability, Used, Objectification

This is for those who enjoy playing with gender.  It is very common to draw on traditional (and out-dated) ideas about what makes someone masculine and feminine  and swap them around.  Again, I do not believe these stereotypes are how we really are but they are nontheless super hot to mess around with in role play.

Sissy sluts revel in the opportunity to let all their suppressed “feminine” attributes to come out.  Cross dressing is a big part of this one.   “He” becomes “she” and our sissy glories in being a degraded and used sex object in frilly knickers, fishnet stockings and smeared red lipstick.  She can be re-named something like “Fee Fee” or “Trixie Belle” and taught to parade around seductively in high heels and a wig.

Being feminine is equated with being a submissive, objectified, sexually used, slutty, whore being made to get in various humiliating positions and perform sexual services for their Mistress’ entertainment.  In this version of the game our sissy slut’s cock becomes a “clitty” and her asshole becomes her “pussy”.

This can sometimes include a third person (either male or trans) to train the Sissy in real-life forced-bi scenarios.  The sissy may not actually be attracted to men at all but is turned on by being forced to perform the slutty acts in order to please Mistress.  Oral sex, deep throating, being anally penetrated.  In this instance the Mistress’ pegging may be preparation… A training tool so that the sissy can take cock.

Works well with: Role Play, cross dressing, sissy slut training program, forced bi scenarios, golden showers, squirting dildos, begging, gang bangs, glory holes, forced masturbation, edging and so much more.

sweet strap onSweet Gender Bender:

Key Themes: Desired, Femininity, Innocence, Sensuality, Playful Connection, Receptive, Sexual Awakening

Like the sissy slut, this scenario is about a man taking on a feminine archetype  through cross dressing and play acting traditional feminine roles.  However this is not a sexually degrading version of femininity but an innocent version.  Cross dressing in this instance reflects this girlish innocence in whites and pinks, ribbons and frills.

Sweet Gender Bender types often respond well to a “girls night in” role play where they hang out with their strap-on wearing girlfriend.   They play around together getting dressed up, doing each other’s hair and make up, drinking champagne, dancing to music and talking about boys.  It turns into a lesbian encounter where the innocent crossdressing girl is seduced by her girlfriend.

Again our gender bender’s penis becomes her “clitty” and her asshole becomes her “pussy”.  She enjoys the process of being spoken to in all the feminine terms; “Put your sweet little hands on my cock and give it a massage…” and “Let me see your cute little panties, do they match your bra?”  “You look so pretty tonight, that lipstick suits you…”  There is a lot of flouncing in this sort of pegging scene.  Penetration is usually on her back with her legs spread.

Works well with Role Play:  Kissing, Cross dressing, Sexy Dancing, Exhibitionism,  Erotic Teasing, Sensuality, Fashion Parade and Photoshoot

There are of course more styles than this.  We are complex creatures so you may or may not fit neatly into any of these categories.  However, this is an excellent starting point to work out what style of pegging is for you.

 

Extended Anal Training Program:
While a single play session is of course possible and pleasurable, for anal enthusiasts and those keen to explore deeper, I am offering an Extended Anal Training Package.

Anal sphincters become more flexible with training just like doing yoga makes our bodies more flexible.  It really helps to have an experienced anal expert guide you through an anal training program to discover all the nuances possible.  G spots aren’t always the obvious turn on of the cock or clitoris.  Male G spot can be  illusive, just like the female G spot.    It takes time, practice and patience to discover  just what kinds of  pleasure are possible through anal play but as many anal enthusiastc can attest, once you have accessed this kind of pleasure  it can be full body bliss.

I approach anal training as far more than just phsyically training your hole.  It is a mind, body and sometimes heart and soul journey of self discovery.  It is very much about the places we go inside ourselves during play as well as the physcial acts themselves. You can learn to use erotic embodiment practices to drop deeper into your bodies.  This enhances subspace and/or erotic states of consciousness taking play to the next level.  For those keen to see just what is possible I offer the opportunity to be guided down the anal rabbit hole.

Each package takes into account what style of anal player you are… For those into sensual anal play, the program will have a sensual focus.   For slaves types, you will be put through a vigorous anal training process under Mistress’s eagle eye and strict regime.  It is a journey into submission as much as discovering the joys of your ass.  For sissy sluts, there is a slut training regime… You get the picture…

Each Package includes:

  • Four x 2hr in-person play and training sessions
  • Journal keeping
  • Homework tasks that include training, play and education
  • Reporting back at set times
  • Integration processes

Read more about this program, the author, Sydney-based Mistress Artemisia de Vine, and other kink style sessions available here.   Contact her here.

Please note that this blog entry and all other writing on my website is copyright and cannot be reproduced without my express written permission.

 

 

Nov 192013
 

whipsIt’s a mad trip taking this kink-fest on the road.  I pack my van to the hilt with all sorts of wicked tools of the trade and hit the road, turning hired apartments and hotel rooms into make shift dungeons as I go.  Gypsy Kinkster adventures!

Here are a few of the things I’ve brought with me on tour to Canberra and will be with me in Melbourne next week.   There’s more of course… as well as the whips, paddles, canes, straps, dildos, CBT equipment, rope etc there is also piles of cross dressing paraphenalia, lingerie, wigs, make up… Then there are all the secret things tucked away like needles, anal fisting gloves, enemas, adult nappies… Not to mention my personal costumes!

ropecbt toysanal toys

Nov 182013
 

Mistress A

Had a fantastic talk after an intense humiliation session. The only part of us that gets upset when we are humiliated is the ego. By surrendering to humiliation we can sometimes also surrender the ego and find a beautiful sub space.  Sent that client home wearing a nappy… ;)

A brave erotic adventurer of a young man asked me to role play an unrequited love scene.  Fascinating and potent stuff!  He had such a great attitude and I loved playing with him.

My cross dressing, exhibitionist ,sissy slut is an absolute darling who delights in buying really hot, good quality sexy things for herself.  She also brought me roses cut from the garden she tends herself.

What will tomorrow bring?  Bring it on Canberra!

(Only in Canberra until Nov 21st…. but will be back so join my mailing list if you want to know when I tour here again).

Nov 092013
 

Temptation logoAs a professional Dominatrix, ocassional switch and educator in the world of conscious kink, I am often asked how I can possibly thoroughly enjoy play sessions that intentionally humiliate or embarrass my play partner.  How can I be invested in a loving, self-aware path that focuses on mindfulness and embodied meditation and also be into objectifying, degrading, controlling and belittling another human being?

Warning!  This blog discusses explicit adult themes of a fetish, BDSM and kink nature.   

It’s true that I am both a person who strives for integrity and cares deeply for the well-being of my play partners while at the same time I find it incredibly hot to make them perform erotically humiliating acts.  It’s one of my specialties and personal core erotic themes.  I am a humiliatrix.  I even like to some times, with the right partner, switch roles.  Embarrassment, power and eroticism frequently go hand in hand.

Being conscious about kink certainly doesn’t mean “light  and fluffy” BDSM only.  Delving into the feeling of danger and mystery can often be what ignites our erotic play… taking risks… peeking into the dark crevices of our souls…  exploring power or intensity can be what gives a session its bite and heat… carving a delicious memory into our flesh that lasts a life time.    

It could be as simple as having to bare your bottom and bend over for a thorough spanking… being anally taken by a strap on… forced to worship my feet… verbal put downs from mild  to intense…. being made to kneel… spat on… called names… small cock humiliation… put in degrading positions… being made to eat out of a dog bowl…  forced to drink golden showers…  being treated like a sissy slut…  being tied up, teased and laughed at about how turned on you are and how you are never going to be allowed to actually touch the body in front of you… and far more intense, explicit things I won’t go into here. 

shadow04Erotic Shadows

Conscious kink is not about sanitising that… It is about engaging with it in a consensual and aware way that aims to have a positive effect on all involved and allows us to travel deeper into each moment.  It is about learning and harnessing skills to ride the wave rather than be rolled by it… and to enter states of being and, well, consciousness one cannot get to otherwise.  Consciously approaching kink play takes bravery to be self-aware, take self-responsibility and be the hero on your own erotic quest of self discovery.  Far from detracting from the experience, being conscious in BDSM play only makes it more potent.

Each of us have core erotic themes that run through our fantasies and erotic dream-scape.  Core erotic themes vary greatly from person to person and are very often made up of the parts of us that we have suppressed as part of our personal and cultural upbringing.   As we develop and adopt the socially acceptable ways of being and behaving in any given family or culture, some natural parts of us are deemed inappropriate.   Showing anger might be one… taking up too much body space might be another… openly expressing our sexuality might be another…  According to Carl Jung, all of these aspects of our personality are suppressed into our unconscious where we are no longer aware of it on  a day-to-day basis.   The qualities that are suppressed are called our shadow and contains both negative and positive aspects of us.   Our shadow becomes the part of us we can’t see yet has a huge impact on the way we feel, act and react all the time.

Creating shadows is a natural part of learning to belong to any culture but creating shadows also creates shame.  It’s pretty simple.   Suppressing certain aspects of us also creates shame about those aspects.   Our shadow self is made up of all these suppressed aspects.  We access our unconscious, where our shadow lives, through the images and feelings in day and night dreams, imagination and yes, our sexual fantasies.     

Core erotic themes vary greatly from person to person but we all have them  if we dig deep enough we find common flavors running through our sexual fantasies and none of them are politically correct.  Some people, have core erotic themes that are about longing, being desired, having power, being powerless and some of us have core erotic themes that are formed from the clay of humiliation, embarrassment and shame.   Even those that have non humiliation core erotic themes, may have a smattering of humiliation woven through their fantasies anyway.  It is not universal but is very common.   

portal spaceSexual Fantasy as Portal to the Unconscious

Our sexual fantasies are gateways to these suppressed aspects of ourselves because being aroused or in sub space or both, takes us into a different state of consciousness.  When in these head-spaces we think, feel and experience things differently.  In these states of consciousness the veil between unconscious self and conscious self is thinner.  The unconscious bleeds through and we start to think in the langauge of the unconscious… in dream language… in fantasy language… So we have sexual fantasy and shame hand in hand here…  We also have an opportunity  for  inner alchemy here.  To turn the base metals into gold…  All the ingredients are there.   We have an opportunity for the conscious and unconscious to co-operate and align if we choose to embrace our shadow in our erotically fuelled  and/or subspace altered state of consciousness.   

knickersSissy Sluts as an Example of Erotic Shadow 

Cis men into cross dressing are into it for a huge variety of reasons and not all of them have a core erotic theme based in humiliation.  Like-wise, not every one who has humiliation as a core erotic theme is into cross dressing.   I am just using cross dressing as a possible expression of someone who has humiliation as a core erotic theme in the example below.

A person born in a male body is socialised to “act like a man” and “man up” from the moment he is first put in his pale blue onesy as a baby.   Depending on the particular culture, subculture and family beliefs, the idea of how to ‘act like a man” will have various expressions.  Some common themes are not being allowed to wear pink, satin, frills, flowers, make up, or anything associated with being a “girl”.   Crying, showing emotion, forming intimate connections with mates where feelings are openly shared… skipping… moving the pelvis in a “feminine” way etc…  Along for the ride with this mentality is the idea that men are the “doers” in sex and women are the “done to”.   Sex inherently taints women but not men.  Being receptive is female…  Being penetrated is not a “manly” thing to do. 

These attributes and acts literally have to be trained  out of our boys to turn them into “men”.   That means the attributes were there to start with buthad to be suppressed. Many aspects of  masculinity have to be performed and reinforced and are often reinforced quite brutally.  I’m not saying there aren’t natural differences between people born with penises and those born with pussies, but I am saying there are clearly also some pretty strong socialisation processes.  Boys frequently bully each other the second they show any sign of being “girly”.  Being like a girl is the worst crime and is considered weak, submissive and pathetic.  It may even earn you a beating and being socially ostracized.   There is deep shame in showing any attributes considered feminine.  Having a “big cock” is the ultimate symbol of being a sexually virile manly man and is associated with dominance.

barbieAs a dominatrix, I see a lot of men who are incredibly turned on by being forced to wear girly, frilly panties.  They feel really turned on by being forced to do all those things normally considered “sissy” but have no idea why.  It is such a common pattern there is a common name for it.  It’s called a “sissy slut” session.  The sissy sluts who also have humiliation as part of their turn on want to feel all the girly things forbidden to them and be humiliated for it.   They want to feel sexually desired and objectified the way women often are.  They love the feel of the silky under things against their skin but for the humiliation themed sissies, it isn’t truly hot until they are mocked and degraded for it.   They want to not only be smeared in lipstick and made to take on the body language of girls but they want to be degraded and called a slut for it… forced to suck my strap on and then be used anally.   Some find having their cock mocked as small and useless is a real turn on.   Basically, living out their worst fears and transforming them into something pleasurable through eroticising them.

This is just a small sample of many possible forms humiliation sessions might take.  Anyone of any gender can enjoy humiliation play on either the giving or the recieving end.  Another example could be treated like an animal, caged  and collared… because likewise the aspects of us that are considered uncultured, raw and sexual are often correlated with “acting like an animal”.  

Another person may enjoy eroticising the feeling of being seen and used as just a sex object.   Some may secretly fantasise about being a trussed up like a naked, hog-tied, turkey in the middle of the boardroom table while surrounded with corporate types in suits observing and analyzing them.   Others enjoy the thought of  being de-humanised altogether and treated like a resource.  A thing.  Or actively scolded and dressed down.

It’s not always overtly erotic either.  It can be more about subspace and the state of consciousness people go when the mind is tricked into a state of open surrender.  Sub space = submission space and often ressembles the place meditators aim to access.  A surrender of the ego to let some other part of us take the driver’s seat.  

Humiliation is complex.  I won’t go into all the possible nuances here.  Some of us have it as a deeply rooted core erotic theme that will remain with us for the rest of their lives.  Others of us have other core erotic themes but have aspects of feeling shame and embarrassment threading through our secret masturbation fantasies like a spice that adds the kick.  It’s not surprising really given the mixed messages we are given about our sexuality from the get go.  It’s a source of wonder and great shame.  The sex Goddess is also the “slut” and the “whore”.  

thespianDoesn’t acting it out reinforce it?  How can that be conscious and healthy?

So what do we do with this?   I have met may a tantrika or well-meaning person who thinks we need to heal this aspect of ourselves.  While I agree that working through sexual shame is one of the great works of our era, I do not agree that  our sexual fantasies and consensual role plays should be “healed”.  That is, the aim of conscious kink as I see it, is not to make those uncomfortable fantasies go away.   To avoid embracing our politically incorrect turn ons would be to suppress those aspects of ourselves even further… creating an even stronger struggle between our conscious minds and our shadow selves.   Instead, I propose we embrace our shadow in a conscious, lusty, full power way with a cherry on top!

By creating safe spaces to bring out and explore our shadow selves in a play scene we are creating a container with a neat beginning, middle and end that allows us to let the usually suppressed parts of ourselves take the driver’s seat.  It is a ritual if you like, where we can create temporary, different rules and ways of being that we consent to with awareness.  Our subconscious doesn’t speak the same langauge or play by the same rules as our conscious minds.  In a play scene we are letting the language of the subconscious take over, or at least bleed through.   By acting these shadow aspects of ourselves out, we  create an opportunity to bring the paradoxical elements of ourselves into alignment.  The paradox never goes away but we learn to ride it and find the treasure at the heart of it.  It is right there in the point where darkness and light meet that the magic lies.  

The point is not to turn darkness into light.  Oh no!  Too much sweetness and light leads to spiritual diabetes.  The point is to ride the paradox and engage with it consciously.  

By bringing unconscious and conscious into alignment something powerful happens.  Our shadow is no longer, well unconsciously controlling our feelings, reactions, beliefs, relationships.   Instead, the conscious and unconscious are co operating and co creating.  The shadow becomes our ally rather than our feared monster under the bed and we have a sense of inner alignment.

This moment of paradox in alignment sometimes just happens accidentally without us ever consciously examining any of the whys and hows.   The play is enough on its own to create this effect.   If you are erotically drawn to something and you have the opportunity to live it out in a safe way with consenting adults, then go for it.  Follow those erotic cookie crumbs!  They are leading you to a deeper relationship with your shadow self.   However just doing it randomly is a bit hit and miss.  

If we enter into humiliation play with awareness and conscious intention, we have the potential to nudge the result into an even more effective and powerful place more often.  While there are never any guarentees, the result is far more likely to be empowering rather than reinforcing the status quo.  There is the world of difference between a client who comes to me like our play is a dirty secret, feels ashamed that he has this need, responds unconsciously by being shifty and sleazy and then turning on me afterwards, to a client who comes to me willing to be the hero on his own inner alchemy quest by exploring his Kink proclivities with awareness and taking self-responsibility.   The outcome of the two sessions are vastly different.

In the case of the sissy sluts, conscious kink creates a place to play with gender.   We don’t try to make it politically correct because that would actually kill the power of acting out our shadow selves.  Remember the unconscious is not politically correct and we need to allow space to give it voice.   By acting out our sissy slut, we come into a greater awareness and relationship with the suppressed so-called “girly” or “slutty” parts of ourselves.    Instead of then becoming revolted when men act in “girly” ways without knowing why, we begin to lose that knee jerk revulsion.  We then have more choice around how we interact with gender and allow those around us to interact with their own gender identity in whatever way they choose.  Being  sissy slut doesn’t stop beign a turn on for us and as far as I am concerned it shouldn’t.   What happens is we have a more aware, healthy relationship to our inner sissy slut that ripples out into our relationship with ourself and others in all areas of life. 

erotic themesPersonal Core Erotic Themes

Each of us has different core erotic themes so not every one will be drawn to explore humiliation scenes.   Of those into humiliation, there will be a huge variety of fantasies about how that might manifest in your hottest turn ons.   Certainly not everyone will be turned on by being a made into a sissy slut.  While many men go through the process of having the “girl” beaten out of them through socialisation, only some end up with sissy slut fantasies.   No one really knows why for sure.  

Perhaps instead your fantasies are based on being caught masturbating, or having the girl you fancy use her power over you to make you jump through hoops?   Being degraded and having your mouth used as a toilet…  Or simply being made to beg to be fucked…  Maybe you like role play where you are caught rifling through your neighbor’s  knicker draw and she threatens to tell your parents if you don’t do exactly as she says…  Maybe you fantasise about being naked in a board room full of corporate types in suits?  The scenarios are endless and I have become very creative in finding ways to tease out those hots spots in an individual’s core erotic theme.  

The reason that I am drawn to humiliation play is that is one of my own core erotic themes.  I get it.  I really get it.  My goodness did it take me a long time to be able to admit it!   I’m into degrading and erotically humiliating others and under the right circumstances, I’m turned on by having the tables turned.  Oh the shame of having humiliation and degradation as a turn on.  *Cue irony*

As an aside, It is also worth noting that having core erotic themes like humiliation, does not stop us from also accessing other forms of erotic pleasure like making love, sensuality, ecstatic erotically-fuelled trance states, kundalini experiences and more.   Fantasy and kink play is only one possible expression out of many.   If you only know how to be aroused from your core erotic theme and can’t access any other forms of erotic interaction, then I suggest going to a sexologcial bodyworker or other conscious sexuality professional and learning how to access even more potential within you.  More options  = more ways of playing and connecting with self and others. 

ying-yang-yin-x-250943 So what makes Conscious Kink humiliation play sessions any different? 

There are all sorts of skills from neo-tantra, mindfulness and other somatic embodiment practices that are helpful to enhance any sort of kink play.  There are all sorts of subtle ways of  moving into deeper relationship with self from various esoteric traditions and somatic body-mind techniques.  Techniques from tantra, yoga, mindfulness and transcendental meditation practices all translate well into kink play.  However,  a really great place to start is simply with intention and awareness.

Just being aware that this play is a opportunity to own our erotic shadow selves and make them an ally already makes a big difference to how we approach any session.   Having the intention to tune into and embrace our erotic shadow changes everything.

I find discussing and stating out loud our intention in a clear sentence or two before we begin has a subtle but potent impact on a play scene.  Our unconscious responds to our intentions in ways that ripple out into our lives in ways we can’t really pre-conceive.   Having the intention, to love and respect ourselves and consciously let go for a given amount of time to fully enter into a normally suppressed way of being, accepting ourselves and each other “warts and all” makes a big difference.  Being witnessed, accepted and held in our  secret, sexy, vulnerable, shameful places is huge!

This kind of play often leads to a way of being where our shadow selves start to work with us in everyday life rather than control us in unconscious ways, bursting out like volcanos in seemingly unconnected areas of our lives.  Personally, I have been blown away with just how powerful simple tools like intention and awareness have.

barbed candleConscious Kink as a Spiritual Path 

Each person has their own spiritual or existential perspective and far be it from me to tell you what to think.  You certainly don’t  have to adopt my take on spirituality for this process to work.   However, to me, the great soul work of being human is to fully experience being human and awaken to our full selves.  Awaken all the layers…  We often wander about in a sleep walk, living our pre-programmed social scripts and wonder why we feel dissatisfied.   The antidote is to wake up!

More and more people are waking up and truly living.  One of the key ways to do this is to befriend our shadow selves and turn it into an ally.    One excellent and effective way to do this is through accessing our sexuality… where the veils between the conscious and unconscious are naturally thinner and alignment is more easily achievable.

I am of the school of thought that we are not human beings having a spiritual experience but we are spiritual beings having a human experience.  That means everything is already sacred just the way it is.  However the ultimate experience is being conscious of and fully exploring our humanity with awareness of our inner spark of divinity.  We feel the most right, the most content and at “home” when we are in alignment with all aspects of ourselves.

Sounds good, so where do we start?  

So all this sounds really exciting and you’d like to play.   Start by thinking about the common themes running through your hottest, most forbidden fantasies.  The ones you hardly dare think about unless you are so aroused you are about to cum.   There will likely be lots of different scenarios you enjoy.  Take notice of what the underlying themes are.  What common ingredient makes it hot for you again and again no matter what shape the fantasy takes?   Break that down so you can clearly communicate it and consent to it, agreeing to safewords and after-care.

hand shakeConsent, Negotiation and Safe words

Humiliation is a volatile fantasy to play with.  It has to be very carefully discussed and consented to before hand because one person’s turn on is the next person’s traumatic experience.  I can’t emphasis enough how important it is to discuss a potential humiliation scene thoroughly and work out exactly what hits the hot buttons and which ones hit the genuine ouch buttons.   It is important for all parties involved to consent to certain activities, attitudes and understand the vibe of the individual player’s core erotic theme.  

No matter how much you plan, there is always a certain amount of risk in these kinds of games.  I get my play partners to actively acknowledge that risk and take self-responsibility for it.  Having a plan for if things go awry is really useful.    We agree to a safe word that can stop our play at any time if needed.  I ask my play partners not to use the safe word willy-nilly but to take three long, slow breaths before using it.  If they still need to use, it, go for it but make sure they need to.  Life isn’t all nice kittens and pie and sometimes the most challenging parts of the play turn out, in hindsight, to be what really gave it power.

My most immediate psychological “first aid” tool for if my play partner or I becomes triggered is to focus on breathing.   When an unexpected surge of emotion rises in us, as it sometimes does when working with erotic alchemy,  I get the person to focus completely on their breath.  Counting with them and guiding them to breath very slowly and fully.. letting the air fall all the way out before taking the next breath.   Doing this for ten breaths is often enough to shift the burst of emotive energy  to be able to talk about it and feel into what needs to happen next.  If what needs to happen is beyond my scope, I have the numbers of highly respected, kink-friendly counsellors and psychotherapists handy.

It’s also important to discuss after-care.  Even if my play partner is grinning from ear to ear at the end of our session, aftercare may be needed to bring things full circle.   It is good to discuss with the person what they need to reassure them they are a respected, valuable human being.  For some people suddenly becoming all nurturing at the end of the session would burst the bubble for them but for others, it is essential or they will feel weepy and empty for days.  There are no fixed rules so communication and risk aware experimentation is key.    Quite often a blanket, a cup of tea and a chance to de-brief about the experience is enough.

If your play partner is not experienced, it may help to seek out someone in the kink and/or tantra scene who is who can help you work it out.   The local kink scene often runs workshops and skill shares.  Or else you can book in for a professional session with a dominatrix or switch. Some professionals approach their play more consciously than others so ask questions until you find the right fit.  Many kink professionals are happy to see couples and guide them into a play session together.  

If you are looking to specifically learn the skills to take humiliation into the realm of conscious play as part of your personal journey into great self-awareness, personal transformation, discovery and alignment then there are people listed on my website who work in those areas offering everytign from counselling, workshops, and play sessions.   There is a book list on the resources section of my website.   You are also welcome to sign up to my mailing list to keep an eye out for upcoming workshops or book in for a personalised consultation or play session.  Skype sessions consultations available.  

Most of all, remember that while this kind of play can push boundaries and be challenging, it is also lots and lots of  fun and one hell of an adventure!   Good luck on your quest to discover even more of your inner world and get off in the process.  Yay for the paradox of holy smut!

 – Artemisia de Vine: Goddess of Conscious Kink

 

All material on this blog is copyright and the property of Artemisia de Vine.