Aug 022016
 

Sydney Mistress Artemisia de Vine BDSMTaking a deeper look into our taboo sexual fantasies and kinky desires, can be an extraordinarily illuminating experience.  Furthermore it can have a really positive effect in so many areas of our lives, yet we are often so debilitated by shame that we cannot even tell our nearest and dearest we have these dirty little secrets.

Or else, we proudly live out our fantasies in the kink scene… or by being a player… or masturbating to them… but are afraid to lift the lid and take a closer peak at what they mean and end up missing out on their full potential at best, and hurting ourselves and others, at worst.

One of the reasons that we often feel so much shame around sexual fantasies, is that they frequently tap into parts of us we have suppressed.  We are often in denial about these aspects of ourselves so when our sexual fantasies knock on the door we feel as though they don’t really represent us.  The shame impulse can kick in and we can suppress our fantasies altogether.  Or another common response, is to enjoy kinky desires or taboo fantasies, only for the length of time we are aroused, and then revert to feeling shame in ourselves and brush them back under the proverbial bush.

So many of us fear letting others know what we really think about when fantasising and yet we are all in the same boat!  Even those that initially think they don’t have sexual fantasies, discover they do when we take a closer look.

Common Fantasies

In my work as a lifestyle and professional dominatrix, switch and sex worker I have had the privilege of working closely with thousands of people’s fantasies.  I help them tease them out and create play scenes designed on each individual’s unique erotic wiring. While we are all different, there are common themes that emerge again and again.  There are also common patterns in the aspects of ourselves that we suppress that are directly linked to our fantasy turn ons.

Some are fantasies are about people we know, others are about ideal lovers and many are embarrassingly politically incorrect!  We can feel things that we would never want to act out in everyday life.  Aspects of us come out of the murky depths when we allow ourselves to tap into sexual fantasy!

Love and Power is a very common theme.  Those that see themselves as loving don’t like to see their desire for power for instance and suppress some of these aspects of self, while those that see themselves as powerful secretly desire to surrender to love… Or be forced to… These aspects come out in our fantasy desires.

Some of those that consider themselves “manly” don’t like to have others know they have a suppressed desire for the attributes socially coded as “feminine”.  Yet often those types will be the very ones that come and see me secretly for a cross dressing session… Or to be ravished with strap on…  There are of course also other reasons someone might be drawn to this type of play.  This is just an example of how a suppressed aspect of us might come out through fantasy.

Being ravished, or ravishing someone is a common theme.  Non-consent and rape fantasies can get us hot under the collar even though we don’t really want to experience them in everyday life at all!  These fantasies are an entirely different thing to real rape.  Our fantasy rapist magically knows how to do all the right things to get us off… Forcing us to experience the aspects of us we deny ourselves…

Sometimes we desire to give up all responsibility and be taken care of by some impossibly perfect lover…

Sometimes we fantasise about doing acts we consider dirty with people who are taboo for us to desire…

Sometimes we desire to hurt or be hurt… Physically or emotionally… Or eroticise things that genuinely cause us distress in real life…  Sometimes we eroticise shame itself…

Sometimes our fantasies are less obvious and take a bit more to decipher.  They are complex reflections of our inner world…  as complex and unique as you are, but however yours show up we have a lot to learn by taking a closer look.

Our inner fantasy world is a stage where all the parts of us we deny can come out to play. However, while we remain in shame or denial about these aspects of ourselves, these aspects take on a life of their own and can rebel against us.  They can express themselves in destructive ways.

So what is the antidote?  Well this is exactly what I would love to explore with you in my upcoming workshops series.

In the level 1 workshop you will get a chance to explore your recurrent erotic themes.  We will also explore what happens when we create an intentional relationship with our sexual fantasies.  What happens when we trust our sexual desires as an important message from unconscious selves and cultivate a playful and compassionate curiosity about them?  What happens when we find consensual and healthy ways to live out these aspects through play scenes and role play?  What happens when we all start accepting these sexual expressions in ourselves and in each other and stop being ashamed to admit we all have them?  How will that impact us personally, and collectively as a society?

This workshop is not about trying to “heal” these desires so we don’t have them anymore but quite to the contrary, it is about embracing our denied aspects and creating healthy and super sexy outlets to play with them!  It is about turning our sexual shadows into our allies.

Likewise this workshop also acknowledges that it is possible to act out our fantasies in ways that reinforce the shame and suppression cycle and keep us prisoners.  I explore the ways in which we can avoid those traps.

In level Two, which is a four day, fully catered retreat with optional play party, I share my skills as a professional kinkster and fantasy specialist.  I show you the tools I use to create play scenes that are based on your own, and other people’s fantasy blueprints. Level one teaches you how to work out and relate to those blueprints and level two shows you how to bring them to life through play.  Next year I will also be offering a more in depth Practitioner Level Training that includes these skills and much more.

Interestingly, in my experience, unpacking our unique fantasy blueprints doesn’t kill our turn ons, but instead creates more opportunities to intentionally tap into what can be our most exciting and fulfilling sexual expressions.

It also creates really fertile ground for deeper relationship with ourselves and intimacy with our loved ones.  It brings us into alignment with ourselves and leads to a sense of healthy sexual wholeness.  For some, it can even lead to connection with that aspect of ourselves that is bigger, deeper, wiser than our everyday self.

This work is transformation though play and it’s super hot!  What’s not to love about that!

Are you someone who only ever secretly fantasises while watching porn, during sex or while masturbating but would like to learn how to get more out of these desires by bringing them into your sex life more proactively and openly?  Then this workshop series is for you.

Are you someone who has a partner with taboo desires completely different from your own and experiences confusion about this disconnect? Would you like to understand these fantasies more and learn how to play with them in ways that are mutually fulfilling?  Then come along, this is going to be really helpful for you.

Are you someone who would love to know how to discover your own, and other people’s, sexual fantasy blueprint and how to design a play scene around it that hits all the right buttons?  Well let me share my years of experience and the knowledge I have gleaned from creating thousands of play scenes as a professional.  Level 2, the four-day, fully catered retreat & optional play party will be especially useful for you.   However, first you need to understand level 1.

Are you someone who has played around in the kink scene and done-all-the-things, but feel as though there is something more possible with this play?  Something you can’t quite put your finger on?  Then this is for you too.

All genders and sexual orientations are welcome.  Singles, monogamous couples, poly folk, you are all welcome.  You do not need to have a partner to attend.

There will be no nudity or sexual activities on level 1 but in level 2 there will be the possibilities of your own expression at the optional play party. You could also easily attend level 2 without ever choosing to be nude or play in any overtly sexual ways. You are invited to participate only to whatever level you feel comfortable with at any given moment and honor your learning edge.  Safety and consent frameworks will be openly discussed and put in place. Breaches of these codes of conduct will be taken seriously and may result in your removal without a refund.

Listen to my podcast on Exploring Sexual Shadows here.

Read more about the workshops and BUY TICKETS here.

Join my mailing list to stay informed about upcoming workshops, private coaching and play sessions.

Alternately follow me on Twitter.

Sydney Mistress Artemisia de Vine BDSMAbout Artemisia de Vine
Sydney-based, professional & lifestyle dominatrix, switch & sex worker who specialises in creating opportunities for sexual self discovery through play scenes designed on her client’s unique erotic wiring.  She draws on her experience and training in BDSM, tantra, sexological bodywork, Taoism, personal development coaching, years of work in the adult industry and more.  Her skills and experience span the sensual to the deliciously twisted.  See her website for more.

Jul 202016
 

 

shadow workshop fb-banner-level-one

Artemisia de Vine Conscious Erotic ArtsHi, I am Artemisia de Vine and I am a Sydney-based, professional & lifestyle dominatrix, switch & creative kinkster. I also have a strong, sensual side to my sexuality. We are complex beings with many attributes are we not?

I am here to invite you to my upcoming workshops

Exploring our Sexual Shadows through Taboo Fantasy & Kink  – Byron Bay Aug 5-7 and Sept 29-Oct 2

 

I have created a pod cast which gives you a great introduction to this topic.  If you listen all the way until the end you will get a code word that will allow you to get level 1 tickets at the early bird prices even though early bird has finished.  Furthermore, if you bring a friend and you both book and pay at once, you will both get an additional $50 off your tickets!

Check out the podcast here

Purchase Tickets here

 

Or if you prefer to read…
I have had the privilege of working closely with thousands of people to tease out their unique erotic fingerprint and turn those underlying, and often unconscious, motivations into play scenes. I approach my work, and personal play, with intention and awareness as well as heart and passion. I purposefully create opportunities to interact with more levels of ourselves through our sexuality. This work has the potential to be profound and I am blown away again and again by the positive impact it has on people.

In these workshops we will create a safe and compassionate atmosphere where we can explore the ways in which we can create more satisfying sexual experiences while also deliberately going on a journey of self discovery that brings us into a much deeper alignment with ourselves.

We do this by first discovering our erotic blueprints and what they reveal about our personal erotic shadow. Our erotic shadow contains so much that is important for us if we want to be whole and our fantasies hold important keys to creating intentional relationship with this aspect of ourselves. I will guide you through how to become aware of your own erotic treasure map.

Once we know more about ourselves on this level, we move from an intellectual understanding, into an embodied awareness by creating play scenes based on these sexual blueprints. I go through all the tools I use to design scenes with my clients including the tools needed to create a safe container where we can access some of our most potent peak erotic turn ons.

In order to be whole, we need to embrace all of ourselves, even the forbidden parts. We need to make our sexual shadow our ally and give it safe and healthy expression.

What is our shadow?

When we are first born into the world, we are full of potential. We have the full spectrum of possibilities within us. As we are socialised into our family, our extended social networks and our society as a whole, we learn that some parts of us are acceptable and others are not. This is the process for everyone no matter how open-minded and loving our parents and loved ones may be and no matter what culture you are brought up in.

Both attributes we consider positive and negative end up in our unconscious. However they have not gone away. They are still there influencing our emotions and reactions in ways we are not aware of. It is almost like they take on a life of their own. This is the aspect of ourselves we call the shadow.

An unowned shadow, with a life of its own, can feel really scary. It seems to erupt at inconvenient times in ways that confuse and harm us and those around us.

When we were young, we cut off aspects of ourselves and seem to spend the rest of our lives trying to feel whole again. A person who can reintegrate their shadow in healthy ways feels in alignment with themselves. They are able to access a sense of wholeness and access far more of their potential. Their relationships with others come from a more mature place. More than that, they are able to use their shadow ally as a bridge to access and create a relationship with the deeper part of themselves that carries a wisdom beyond the part of us that is normally in the driver’s seat. That mysterious bigger, deeper, wider self.

FurnitureSo what has this got to do with our sexual fantasies and kink? 

Guess what! Our taboo kinky and/or sexual fantasies are a fantastic way of turning our shadow into our ally!

Sexual fantasies, just like our dreams, speak in the language of the unconscious. They are not logical, or politically correct. In both dreams and fantasies, we often act in ways we never would in everyday life. We often get to express desires that we didn’t even know we had. The langauge of the unconscious is symbolic. Dreams and sexual fantasies speak the language of symbols and reveal so much about what is going on beneath our awareness.

Furthermore, our sexual fantasies allow us to be aroused. Being aroused is an altered state of consciousness where the veils between our unconscious and conscious minds are naturally thinner. We can have a more intentional interaction with both aspects at this time.

I guide each of my client and play partners into an in-depth consultation about their particular fantasies… I peel back the layers of the fantasy to see the common themes that emerge again and again. What are the underlying motivations for arousal? What situations work for you to create the optimum interaction with your shadow? Now I am offering to guide you through this process too.

Dracula RavenBut why role plays and play scenes?

The wonderful thing about play scenes is that they allow us to interact with our fantasies on a different level than if we just had a wee secret wank while thinking about them. Play scenes are embodied ways of acting out the symbols that make sense to our unconscious minds… they are giving our shadow a place in our lives within the safe container of a clearly negotiated and consensual framework.

This has a profound effect on us. Here is what one person has to say about this work.

“Before i went on this journey with you i was aware of some of my turn ons but was afraid of them because they had led to pain in previous relationships. My turn ons were hidden from the world and everyone around me, even my partners. It was a source that i fed off with pornography and in a very unsatisfying way. I wanted to satisfy these turn on so bad but thought that I wasn’t allowed to and knew that i would never work up the courage to.

I couldn’t imagine how i could ever have a different relationship to my shadow and have it be something that i could delve into and derive deep personal satisfaction from in embodied and lived ways. Also i associated my desires with a lack of consent and violence towards women, i felt shame for that and chastised myself for my desires, I thought that i would never be able to work around that.

interfacing with my shadow has helped me to become aware of and work through very key personal issues that i always wanted to confront and explore but never knew how. I was blocked from creating a relationship with those parts of me that i knew were holding me back. I’ve been able to push through some key limitation and grow in very unexpected ways.

Also i just feel so much more sexually satisfied and I’ve felt moments of sexual power and pleasure that i never thought possible.”

This first workshop will be about exploring our erotic shadows.

We will look more closely into why taboo sexual fantasy is actually an ideal method of meeting and integrating our shadows safely. We will look into the frameworks we need to keep ourselves safe and happy while we explore the taboo. I will guide you through some (fully clothed and non sexual) exercises to help you identify your core erotic themes and decipher them as clues to your unique shadow. By the end of this workshop you will:

* Be well on your way to becoming conscious of your unique erotic wiring and how that is linked to your shadow.
* You will have access to frameworks that create safety for exploring this side of ourselves.
* You will have ways of working out your future play partner’s unique erotic fingerprints or core erotic themes.

You will not be required to share your personal taboo fantasies publically unless you choose to and can participate in activities only to the level you feel comfortable at any given time. Consent and safe containers for exploration are important to me.  If this sounds like you, then pop on over here to buy yourself a ticket

Level two:  Shadow Expressions: Learning to play with Fantasy and Kink

So you are keen to explore deeper but how do you bring this to life? You want to create erotic play scenes based on the information you now have about your erotic shadows. What now?

This workshop an immersive intensive and fully catered retreat, where I teach you the tools I use as a professional. These are skills you need to create play scenes for yourself and your play partners that are designed on your unique erotic wiring.

By the end of this workshop you will have created a scene from beginning to end including pre-play consultations and aftercare. You will have a chance to explore a version of this play scene (which doesn’t necessarily have to be sexual) in the play party evening. We will all get a chance to de-brief and learn from each other’s experiences the next day.  If this is for you, then pop on over here to purchase your ticket.

Practitioner Training:
This is something I am very excited about! Next year I will be launching professional training for those who want to incorporate this work, and more, into their professional practices. This goes into a lot more detail about the skills needed to be a practitioner of this style of work. I will share the skills and tools I use to create sessions for clients who want to use their sexuality as a form of self discovery. BDSM practitioners, Sex workers, therapists, sexological bodyworkers and those that just want to be seriously skilled in this work for their personal play, are welcome.

Please join my mailing list here to stay informed.

Dec 162014
 

Artemisia de Vine antique queen final kinklogo

 

Welcome to the Temple of Perversion!

Select worthy slaves and submissives are chosen to be trained to serve this voluptuous Goddess in intimate body worship… just how I like it… until I am thoroughly satisfied…

Artemisia de Vine femdom Sydney CK logoI can be sensual and intimate, slutty and degrading, or strict and cruel…

Queening… scented oil bathing ceremony… exquisite mindful touch… and training to truly enter into service body and mind…  To receive the touch I truly desire, I guide you into an aroused, meditative-like place of erotic flow and instruct you in how to pleasure Me.

Depending on my whim and your progress in training, this may include pussy, arse and breast worship.

Artemisia de Vine

Artemisia de Vine

I allow the time to truly peel back the layers of your psyche so you enter into a space of service.  Entering The de Vinery is a timeless experience, a feast of the senses… desires of the flesh, and the secret spirit within… Here is the unfolding of the shadowy, hidden corners of your being…  Here you find freedom in the bliss of submission…

To worship the intimate crevices of the Goddess and drink of Her nectar is de Vine indeed!  To witness her in the throws of ecstasy… Sometimes, slaves are honored with female ejaculation…  Some slaves are honored with golden showers…

For those more advanced, tantric energy exchange techniques can be included in the worship ceremony.

If I am pleased, I may reward you… If not… you may be subjected to My punishments… or My perverse whims… some sessions are sensual and intimate… some are about teaching you your place… or using you for My entertainment…

Artemisia de Vine femdom Sydney logoWe will find where our erotic wiring naturally overlaps and play in those zones. Consent and flavor of session is negotiated in a thorough pre-play consultation.

Sessions vary greatly depending on person to person, mutual agreement, mood, and intention.  Can include: Queening, face sitting, female ejaculation, golden showers, smothering, sensual tantric worship, slave training, energy worship/cycling, role play, punishments, restraint, rewards, orgasm denial, orgasm control , ritual and much more…  See other  BDSM and Mistress sessions available here.

90mins $400

2hrs  $500

2.5hrs $600 *recommended

Apply by calling direct on 0420 415 658
Email: artemisia@consciouskink.com
Website: www.consciouskink.com

Dec 042014
 

 

 

Artemisia de Vine Conscious Erotic ArtsMy name is Artemisia de Vine and I am a Sydney-based sex worker who specialises in the conscious erotic arts with a greedy appreciation for the deeply sensual through to the utterly kinky.  I am a classically trained BDSM, kink & fetish professional as well as a domestic spanking & discipline switch, erotic massage and conscious sex practitioner and occasional GFE (girlfriend experience) escort.  I am often asked why my sessions are so deliciously unique and seem to satisfy on such a deep level.

My Philosophy is that we can use our sexuality for escapism or for self discovery.  I choose to focus on the later.  If we approach our adult play time with awareness, a sense of open curiosity, bringing our whole selves to the table, our sexuality is not only deeply satisfying but an avenue to discover ourselves.  In some cases this leads to profound personal growth and transformation as we step more fully into our whole being.

The best way I have found to go about this, is through following our erotic cookie crumbs through our inner landscapes and express this with lusty play.  Fun, real and sexy as hell!

The primary reason for my sessions is not therapy though often there are therapeutic side effects.  The reason is because we are inherently sexual beings.  So much of the world fears sex because it truly is powerful.  It has the potential to be destructive or incredibly beautiful.  It can lead us home to ourselves.  By owning our sexuality, all of it, secret dark corners in our minds as well as loving lushness, we create a conscious relationship with ourselves and our lovers.  I am fascinated with how consensual exploration of the full spectrum of erotic possibilities within us with can not only be incredibly hot but can lead us home to ourselves and make us whole.

My Sessions Suit those who sense there is something more to sexuality and yearn for a skilled, open-minded companion to play, explore and discover with.  I create spaces where you can be just who you need to be in the moment.   You do not need to worry that I will impose kink on you if you are a sensual being or vise versa.

The focus is helping you uncover who you really are as an erotic being once the socially prescribed sexual scripts fall away.  I design sessions around your unique erotic “fingerprint”  in conjunction with my own erotic wiring.  I find sessions are just so much more satisfying for both of us if we take the time to find where we naturally overlap and play in that zone.  Clearly there are some things I am not drawn to so will recommend other practitioners if necessary.

My sessions focus on the journey, not just the destination so I recommend a minimum of a 2hr booking.

Artemisia de Vine antique queen final logoBut Where to Start?  Initially we just chat on the phone for a few minutes to get to know each other and feel into whether or not we are compatible.  If it feels right we arrange a booking.

In order to create the place for authentic sexual expression, I offer a consultation process as part of the booking.  I ask questions that draw out things you may not even be aware of about yourself, make suggestions of things you might like to explore with me and teach you simple but effective techniques to aid you in dropping down into the experience more fully.  The more we approach sexuality with awareness the more we can fully turn up with all of ourselves.  The erotic is so much more fulfilling when we open and include the physical & the psychosexual.

This in-depth consultation is part of discovering just who you are and what is erotically possible for you. It is about arming you with the skills needed to get the most out of our play time.  It is also part of allowing the time get out of our heads and into our bodies, peel back the layers and allow our (not always conscious) desires come to the fore.  As such it is part of the session and is best done leading into play time.

However skype session consultations are possible if you prefer.  They cost $150, which is taken off the price of your booking should you choose to go ahead.

Which Session is for me? 

I have two websites, for the sensual erotic arts and one for my kinky side.  You may not fit neatly into any of the below categories and that’s ok.  We can work design something especially for you in our consultation.  However below is a summary of the different aspects of me to give you an idea of the types of sessions I enjoy.

Mistress Artemisia Sydney Pro Domme TealMistress: No mere dabbler in BDSM, I am a classically trained Mistress who has dedicated over ten years to perfecting her art.  I can be wickedly playful, sensually enticing or strict and sadistic depending on my whim. Either way I will ignite your senses and crawl under your skin, deep within your psyche.  I take charge with an elegant, cat-like grace and confidence born of natural dominance, intelligent perception and a deep knowledge of the hidden world of dark fantasies. I delight in pulling your strings and making you dance to my tune… to the tune that is also reflected deep within you… I love that unmasked moment of surrender, where you cannot be anything but your true self.  Witnessed, held, taken…

Check out my blog for stories about the kinds of sessions I get up to.    See the variety of BDSM sessions available.

Note: Mistress sessions are not full service.

 

Kinky Role Play:  I love to explore just what fabulous madness is possible when we peak under the covers of civilised behavior and nudge our boundaries.  I access all the aspects of human nature normally forbidden to us in everyday life, like humiliation, shame, fear, cruelty and power but do so from a place of compassion, consciousness and intension for the holistic well-being of all involved. I am at heart, a kinky shadow worker exploring the ways in which owning our dark side can make us whole.

Besides! Playing with our forbidden fantasies and exploring power can be super hot! Be it Aunt/nephew, Age Play, Boss/Employee, Teacher/student or many more scenarios. Feel free to email me the gist of your fantasies. I generally like being the one in charge but will switch for the right gentleman.

Maybe full service: case by case negotiation and different fees apply depending on content.

 

Lady spanked mirrorIMG_7257-2 copySwitch/Submissive: For select gentlemen I enjoy switching and taking the submissive or bottom role in kinky play.  This may or may not be sexual depending on what we negotiate together.    The kinds of sessions I like to switch in are usually role play or discipline sessions however I am open to discussing other possibilities.

(Sex is not the main focus of these session but may be included as an extra towards the end).


Domestic Discipline: 
Traditional corporal punishment, spanking & discipline sessions have a whole different culture than BDSM.  I am pretty mad about every to do with it and happily take the role of either spanker or spankee in these sessions.  See more here including my spanking gallery.

 

erotic massage sydney logoErotic Massage Practitioner: Hot oil… soft, soft breasts… exquisite, full body skin on skin sensuality… surrender to the pleasure of highly skilled touch…  My sessions are far more than a “rub and tug”. These sessions are for those that truly want to delve into their eroticism and tantalize the whole being. This sumptuous array of sessions suit those that wish to surrender to full being pleasure, explore deeper and discover even more.  Read why my prostate massage sessions are so famous here.


Conscious Sex Companion: Have you ever wished you had a personal, skilled courtesan to explore with? Someone to make your erotic journey the object of their skilled, holistic and compassionate focus? Someone, attractive, friendly, seductive and knowledgable in the conscious erotic arts? Do you have a sense that there is something more to sex but are not sure how to access it? I am part guide to the Mysteries… part lover and playmate… For it is through a combination of conscious exploration and play that we find the treasure… I hold the space, play the role needed, provide the atmosphere and know-how for you to holistically explore your own unique sexual universe.  See more here. 


plus size sydney escort busty bondeEscort (GFE): 
For for select gentlemen who wish to enjoy a playful, sensual time with me to relax, unwind, explore and treat ourselves to un-rushed pleasure, I offer the girlfriend experience. This session is for those times when you do not want to focus on learning tantra or other conscious erotic exploration but just want to enjoy the company of a warm, friendly voluptuous woman. Time to be held in my soft bosom, stroked skin-on-skin and loved up. Let’s pleasure each other in my erotic oasis.  Here is a blog about what it is like on a GFE date with me.

About Me:  I have pretty much dedicated my life to the erotic arts.  I learn from every sexuality professional and pioneer I can.  What do I do with my holidays?  Go learn more sex geekery and put it together in creative ways to create experiences and opportunities for explorers of eros.  It is my life and my passion and I love nothing more than to help people access their full sexual and/or kinky potential.

I draw on aspects of sexological bodywork, lomilomi, tantra, Taoism, BDSM, somatic psychology and many other mindfully embodied practices.
At a Glance: I am a voluptuous, blonde, 39yo with creamy white skin, luscious G cup breasts and size 16 womanly curves.  I stand 5 foot 6 or 166cm without heels.  There are galleries on both websites.

Contact: I prefer initial contact to be via a phone chat so we can get a feel for whether or not we are on the same page.  However, if you cannot get hold of me, feel free to shoot me a text or email and I will get back to you.

Contact and Fees for Sensual sessions. 
Contact and Fees for Kinky sessions. 

Nov 012014
 

 

Mistress Artemisia de vine sassyAs I shoved his face into my toilet and began to secure his head in place with plastic wrap he gagged a little and began to resist.   I grabbed a tuft of his sandy hair and pushed him back into position.  His naked knees scrambled on the shiny white tiles, hands struggling against leather restraints behind his back.  With no way to balance himself he was easy to push around.   He was forced to comply.

“I thought you said I could do whatever I liked to you slave? Are you taking back your promises so soon?”

“No Mistress,  I’ll try harder Mistress,”

“Yes you will… but soon you won’t exactly have much choice in the matter,”  I smiled to myself as a rush of sadistic pleasure coursed through my body.  I love this game.

I tugged on the collar around his neck,  slipping cold metal chains through the loops with an echoing clatter and then wrapping them around the toilet.  I soon had him chained to the cistern, padlocked in place, face squarely over the toilet bowl.  I slipped the key into my cleavage for safe keeping.

“Now you will really have to impress me to be let free slave, and I am going to test your resolve,”  I told him in a calm, slightly amused tone.

“Yes Mistress,”  he replied, his voice betraying his nervousness.

I shoved his face further into the toilet and resumed plastic-wrapping his head in place.   I could feel the power rush coming on, slowing everything down…  making me feel so alive… the throbbing in my veins became connected to the beat of all Life.  The sound of plastic being unrolled, became amplified, squeaking and straining as I stretched it up over the back of his head and down around the toilet bowl… passing it through underneath and back up around again…  round and round until he was unable to move his head at all.

I stood back, wiped the hint of moisture from my brow and admired my handy work, catching a glimpse of satisfaction on my face in the bathroom mirror.  I turned and stared at myself as I stood over my little silk worm snug in his perverted cocoon.

Mistress Artemisia de Vine crop logoMy womanly shape was highlighted by an elegant sheer slip while black fake fur draped my shoulders highlighting my excessive bosom.  The soft curves of my breasts swept down to a tightly corseted waist and widened again considerably to frame voluptuous hips and thighs.  I reached up and twisted the pearls around my neck fascinated by the way my wild blonde curls made me look so deceptively innocent.

I just adored the juxtaposition of such lady-like femininity against the flushed with raw power and cruelty on my face.   I was no mere girl, posing with a whip and looking pretty to tantalize men’s gaze.  My reflection showed a mature kind of attractiveness that can only come from those who have explored themselves… from those that carry an inner knowingness and calm confidence.   My beauty doesn’t come from picture-perfect features,  it comes from being a fully fledged woman in her power.

My attention returned to my slave.  A familiar visage.  Yet another powerful corporate man, naked and bent over in the perfect position to leave him feeling exposed and degraded.  His bottom poked out in easy swiping distance and his s0-called manhood, his cock and balls, dangled nice and vulnerable for me to reach should I so choose.  The way he was fastened there left no way for him to protect them from me…  and he was rock hard.  He was loving this even as he experience a myriad of challenging emotions.

This is what they don’t understand, I thought to myself.  Those sweet eyed, well-meaning, yoga folk and their conscious living.  They are all meditation and green juice but they do not understand that in order to really be whole, we have to own all of ourselves, dark twisted bits as well as the love and light.

Owning our shadow and creating a conscious relationship with it, is part of the spiritual path.   The dark side is in us… always there…  snarling in the depths… hidden in the corners of our hearts and minds…  We are All Things, us mad humans… We are consciousness in an animal body capable of every kind of horror and wonder under the sun…

The more we deny it by trying to control it or suppress it, the more is pops out in other areas of our lives…  and the more it controls us, taking the steering wheel from deep within our unconscious and creating havoc in unexpected areas of our lives. The dark-side butterfly effect.

Owning this aspect of me is what makes me whole.  BDSM is theatre of the soul where we live out all our archetypes… all of them get voice… With consent and awareness this kind of lust, cruelty and power play can lead us Home to ourselves.  Being filthy is the holiest thing I know how to do.

Without warning I stabbed air holes through the plastic with a skewer, sharp metal piercing jagged fissures right near his vulnerable face… him unable to move out of the way.  He could surrender and trust or remain in fear.

He jumped and strained but could not escape… he hadn’t let go yet… He was still holding onto control… to the illusion that he had an impact on the outcome of our play.  The blood pumping through his jugular veins pulsed at a rapid rate…  His breath was sharp and shallow in his chest fogging up the plastic-wrap… Adrenalin.

I let him brew for a while, anticipating what would happen next while I prepared the next part of our little game.  No doubt he could hear me opening draws, scraping metal implements against the bench top…

As I got out the ginger root I had been brewing in the fridge and began carving it into a suitable shape, I could feel the animal in my body mirroring my slave’s rush.   The smell of his fear mingled with the fiery pungency of ginger juice set off the cat-like sadist in me.  A primal urge within just wanted to toy with him… degrade and humiliate him… peeling away the masks of his ego and his resistance until the core of him was exposed…  This lawyer, used to being in control… stuck in his head justifying his existence through logic and rhetoric… denying and suppressing his emotions… his feelings… his instincts… yes, this lawyer was to be broken down.

My role was to bring him face to face with all of that, dragging him squirming and screaming to stare his vulnerability in the eye…  To shatter the illusion of order and control…   Initiate him into his very fear of helplessness, and ultimately, into facing his own inevitable Death… where he could finally surrender to the peace of the void beyond.  Freedom.  Home.

But he is not on this journey alone.  I may be acting as his guide but I am on a journey of my own.  There is pleasure seeing him stripped of his dignity.   There is pleasure in cruelty and in feeling powerful… In playing God.  When engaged with through conscious exchange of power like this, it can lead me Home too.

The game is this.  I strip his ego down until he submits and surrenders remembering who he really is under all the constructs while at the same time I build my own ego up until it is a fiery supernova, exploding and setting me free to be my core, authentic self.   We are both heading to the same destination… him through the front door and me through the back.

Mistress high heelsHe could no doubt hear my slow deliberate steps as my stiletto heels clicked ominously on the tiles, signalling my approach.  His body tensed, every sense alert.

I began speaking to him in a soothing, hypnotic, lullaby tone while I traced one finger down his spine… down the small of his back…  slipping between his buttocks… and circling the ring of his anus.  My voice and sensual touch a contradiction to my words…

“Now darling slave, I am going to make you suffer for my pleasure.  There is no escape from this so you may as well accept your fate.  I enjoy seeing you squirm, hearing you beg and knowing you are doing this in service to Me.  There is nowhere to go… no where to be… there is only Me.  I am your entire world… your entire Universe… until I choose to let you go.  Nothing else exists but your submission to Me and whatever I choose to inflict upon you.  Do you understand?”

He swallowed, sweat breaking out and glistening on the little blonde hairs on the back of his neck even as he leaned into the pleasure of my touch.

“Yes Mistress”

“Good boy”

I continued the hum of soothing sadistic lyrics, all the while massaging and opening his anal sphincters in preparation for my next little game.  I took my sweet time, allowing his hunger to be penetrated to grow.   I could feel myself entering ‘the zone’ in connection to him.  My words dripping like poisonous honey from my tongue, curling like incense smoke through the air… slipping into his ears and wrapping around his mind…  The wildness of the forest… both Mother and Destroyer entering his body…  The more he unfolded and floated, the more we became in synch…  My breath matching his…

The world disappeared and time became an irrelevant concept.  There was only us in this moment.

He began moaning in need, leaning into my finger in an attempt to get me to enter him.

“You like that don’t you little slave?  I think you want something from me don’t you?”

No words, just moaning…

“Oh you don’t want anything from me?  I guess this is all you will get then,”  I teased.

I pressed against his hole with pleasurable little pulses and waited while he worked through his confusion about how he was supposed to act.

“Yes Mistress, I do, but I am your slave to do with as You will.”

“I like it when you beg like the horny little slut you are, slave”.  I could feel his hope rising… his anticipation of being filled and fucked warring with his embarrassment at being made to speak his desires out loud.

“Is there something you would like from me slave?”  I asked again.

He leaned into me in an attempt to get out of saying the words, trying to show me what he wanted with his body rather than suffering the humiliation of begging.

I stopped all stimulation and stepped back, leaving him bereft of my touch.

“I will only ask you one more time, and if I do not hear what I want to hear then you will miss our entirely.  Now, is there something you want from me slave?”

“Yes Mistress, please fuck me Mistress”.

“Oh you want me to fuck you do you?,” I mocked, as I leaned back in and began to seduce his arse hole again.

“Yes Mistress”

“Well then you had better beg for it my pretty boy.  I do so enjoy seeing a powerful man on his hands and knees, face in the toilet, begging to be sodomised.  Please do entertain me before I get bored and wander off.”

“Please fuck me Mistress, please fuck me up the arse,”  he said, embarrassment and resistance making his voice faint.

“Louder please.  And tell me what a little whore you are.  How you will do anything to please me.”

“I am your little whore, Mistress! Please fuck me up the arse!  I will do anything you say Mistress, please just fuck me!”  he said with more conviction this time.

“Now we are getting somewhere, but I am not convinced yet.  I also want warn you that should I grant you this wish, there will be a price.  There is always a price.  Are you willing to pay it?”

“Yes Mistress!”  he was starting to sound more urgent, “Yes I will do anything you say, I am your little slut, your play thing.  Please degrade me, use me, do as you please to me!  I am yours Mistress.  Please fuck me!”

ginger butt plug, figgingWith a satisfied smirk I slipped the head of the newly carved ginger butt plug  into the opening of his hole and began easing it into him.  The effects of ginger take a while to kick in so at first he just writhed in pleasure, opening himself to me.

“Take a deep breath, then breathe all the way out and push down as though you are trying to push the toy out,” I instructed.  As he obeyed, I felt his sphincters relax and I slipped the rest of the ginger in.  The wide base held it firmly in place so it didn’t disappear altogether. I generously thrust it in and out stimulating his prostate and coating every sensitive area with fresh ginger juice.   He bucked with pleasure… to start with…

Then the burning began…

He became confused as his pleasure turned to intensity.

“Mistress!  It burns!  What is it Mistress?”

“What is it?  It is what I want it to be,”  I replied amused.

He began to writhe with a different kind of urgency now as he struggled to process this new experience.   I strapped the butt plug in place with rope and cleverly positioned knots, stood back, folded my arms and watched.  I was purring like the pussy who got the cream.  I do so love to watch a man struggle until he realises the full extent of his helplessness.

The burning built steadily in strength and with each passing minute his begging for me to remove the ginger increased.  He wriggled and strained against his restraints to no avail.

“Oh does that burn does it slave?”  I asked in mock innocence,  “I did tell you there would be a price didn’t I?  You thought it was all about your pleasure didn’t you slave.  Did you think because you paid a tribute for this session, I was here to get you off?  Actually, you are here to entertain Me.”

The more I mocked the harder his cock became, even as he suffered.  More importantly, his normal mind-state had shifted.  He was no longer dominated by the logical, ‘talking self’ part of his consciousness.  He was drifting into a different place within.

“Yes Mistress, I am Yours to do with as you please,”  he squeaked.

I reached down and pinched his nipple, hard, knowing that he would clench in sudden pain, squeezing more ginger juice out and setting off another level of burning.  I followed this sensation with a mixture of pleasurable cock sensations and volley of hard slaps against his buttocks.   Pleasure, pain, pause….

He grunted, his bottom blossomed with red hand prints and an endorphin rush kicked in moments later.   He was getting close now, I could feel it… close to the edge… he just needed a little shove and he would drop, deep, down into subspace and fly… and I would be right there with him, feeding off his reactions and riding high with my own twisted Top space.

“Oh poor slave, you are burning up.  Would you like me to cool you down?”

I didn’t wait for an answer.   I straddled his head, one leg over each side, my thighs pressing against his ears.

“Tell me again how you are just a thing to be used for my entertainment slave.  Tell me again how you are nothing but a fuck toy.  An object.  Owned body, mind and soul.

“Yes Mistress he cried out, inhibitions abandoned now, “I am everything you say.  I am Yours entirely!”

With that, I reached down, slipped my knickers to one side and spread my pussy lips wide open.  I felt the tingles of rushing energy through my body as the urge to urinate built until I could hold it not longer.  I began to relieve myself on his head…  As I let go of my very full bladder, another, more difficult to define, dam broke within me and I snarled with the pleasure of it. I was all powerful Goddess, marking My territory.  Piss splattered on the plastic wrap, forming yellow pools of urine…  and then showered steadily down through the carefully positioned air holes… pungent streams of piss trickling down his face, drenching him thoroughly…  Wayward rivulets entering the corners of his mouth which he licked at greedily, fully in his animal self now…

That was the trigger we both needed.  I felt his whole energy shift.  He just dropped in utter surrender with me riding his back all the way Home.  A moment of living awareness… of being all that is left when the social scripts and ego illusions are torn away…   Just being pure consciousness flying together in ecstasy.

This was not where we engaged in sexual climax to end the scene… This was just the launching pad…  Just the beginning of our play…

Mistress Artemisia de Vine Sydney Pro Domme AzureAbout the Author:  Artemisia de Vine is a Sydney-based, professional Domme and switch who specialises in BDSM with awareness.  She is passionate about tuning into the unique erotic wiring of each individual she plays with to create imaginative scenes relevent to their personal journey.  She loves to explore pleasure, the Mysteries of Existence and just what fabulous madness is possible when we peak under the covers of civilised behaviour and nudge our boundaries.   She accesses all the aspects of human nature normally forbidden to us in everyday life, like humiliation, shame, fear, cruelty and power but does so from a place of compassion, consciousness and intension for the holistic well-being of all involved.  She is at heart, a kinky shadow worker exploring the ways in which owning our dark side can make us whole.

If the link between BDSM and shadow work intrigues you, you may be interested in reading this blog on Conscious Kink and Humiliation Play. 

Website: www.consciouskink.com
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Oct 112014
 


sexy submissive housewifeAs far as I am concerned, heterosexual M/f submission is not an excuse to have a housewife who doesn’t threaten your ego by speaking back or challenging your opinions. It’s not an excuse to live an unexamined sexist lifestyle that reinforces the status quo. It is not an excuse to avoid self-awareness or difficult feelings.

Submission may look very much like a 1950s sexist dynamic from the outside… or not… but the difference is where it is coming from.

The kind of submission I resonate with is not about obliviously reinforcing structures of privilege (sexism, racism, hetero-centrism etc)… it is not even about rebelling against those systems… It is about self exploration with another that includes playing with and owning our secret shadow selves through erotic play… through conscious power negotiation… through awareness of where we sit within privilege systems and choosing to interact with them and ourselves with heart and well, consciousness.

It’s a path that takes some serious bravery and vulnerability from all parties. It takes in-depth communication from all involved. A submissive’s opinion, feelings and intelligent mind are not silenced but valued. It is a journey of personal transformation, connection and intimacy like nothing else I’ve known.

It takes the abuse and damage caused by sexist and other privilege systems and turns it on its head, creating something exquisitely beautiful because it is based on consciousness, trust, respect and love… and because while we are agreeing to Dominant and submissive power roles we are doing so from the base assumptions that both roles are of value. We are in fact equals but we are not in a system of equality so that needs to be negotiated intentionally.

Temptation logoAbout the Author:  Artemisia de Vine is a Sydney-based professional and lifestyle Kinkster.  She is a natural Switch (both Dominant and submissive at different times).  She specialises in BDSM play sessions that focus on exploring, playing and personal discovery with heart and awareness.  Read more at her website Conscious Kink.

Sep 112014
 

 

racist request number blockedMy beautiful colleague and fellow sex worker, Amber, received this enquiry today.  As you may guess from the context of the enquiry, Amber is black.  It made her feel ill.

If you have trouble reading the image, it says:

“Say 7:30-8pm for an hour/two depending on if you do doubles, black slave white masters role play etc with two handsome/physically fit white south Africans :)”

It is just wrong on so many levels. Fractally Wrong.  It is hard to know where to start!

However, when I finally I stopped fuming on Amber’s behalf, it did get me thinking about how to go about power exchange play within the context of a society rife with systems of privilege.  How do we negotiate our forbidden fantasies while also taking into account issues of racism, sexism etc?  Whether you are approaching a sexuality professional or a personal lover, these things bare weighty consideration and clearly folk like the above punters need lessons!

Many people excuse this sort insensitive sexual request by saying “Oh, it is only a fantasy”.

NewTrayLet me say, I’m a  professional dominatrix and switch so you better believe I role-play all sorts of politically incorrect fantasies.  I’m no prude when it comes to going hard to wrong-town and getting my freak on.  I honestly believe that when approached with awareness, sensitivity and consent, living out our forbidden fantasies can be deeply healing, not to mention superbly hot!

I would never, ever send a text like that casually asking for a racist session!

That said, some people, who are subject to real life racism, do in fact choose to live out eroticised versions of their pain.  I know because they have approached me.  So let us explore more appropriate ways of going about it.

Our amazing psyches erotise real life wounds and trauma in an attempt to transmute pain into pleasure.   When we do this consciously it can be empowering.  It can be a journey into owning our erotic shadows and making them work for us.

FurnitureFor example, it is very common for people to have sexual fantasies about being degraded or used… yet they do not really want to be degraded or used outside of a sexual context…  It is very well documented that lots of people enjoy rape fantasies but most definitely do not really want to be raped for real…

Some men enjoy having the size of their cock mocked in an erotic role play sense and yet in real life want their cock appreciated and admired…  Many women enjoy being called a slut or a whore during sex but in every day life hate being sexually harassed on the street or slut-shamed for expressing their sexuality…

You get the picture.  We often erotise what which hurts us the most.  The reasons for this are too complex to go into fully here, although if this topic interests you, you may enjoy this blog.

With this in mind,  I believe consensual, race-based, power exchange role play has its place.  It is possible to make the conscious choice to explore this aspect of the human psyche with willing participants.

However,  it is essential to do this in context.  We are living in a society where racism is insideously ever-present yet seemingly invisible to those on the privileged end of the race spectrum.   Race-based role play is situated deeply in systemic-level pain that is oh so real for the individuals within it.  Basically, racism is real kids and we need to take that into account.

 

On this day in 1957, 15-year-old Elizabeth Eckford encountered an angry mob when she attempted to enter Little Rock Central High School in Little Rock, Arkansas

On this day in 1957, 15-year-old Elizabeth Eckford encountered an angry mob when she attempted to enter Little Rock Central High School in Little Rock, Arkansas

It is very dicey for the for the party who comes from the benefiting side of racism to initiate this kind of play.   It is just astoundingly inappropriate for a white person to approach a person of colour randomly by text and ask them with no preamble or sensitivity!  This sort of request could be soul-crushingly offensive to someone who is already suffering.

Not everyone who has experienced racism is going to erotise it just like not everyone who has genuinely been oppressed for being a sex worker is going to eroticse being called a whore…  and not every man who has felt pain at the size of their cock will get off on being humiliated by it…  We all have different coping mechanisms.

But for those who do process racism by eroticising it, like all power-based sexual fantasies, it can be hugely hot and healing if initiated by those on the oppressed side of the coin… While race play is not my personal turn on, I’ve had clients request this of me and we had immensely powerful sessions together that have left us both stunned at how positive the outcome can be when done right!  However, they approached me and I provided the safe space for them to explore what they needed to.

If those on the privileged side of racism do initiate race play,  they damn well better have a thorough understanding of racism and be consciously doing everything possible to be sensitive about it… and actively contributing to a world without racism… They better have an openly stated intention to explore their own role in systems of privilege too otherwise they are just reinforcing the status quo. 

 

The enquiry Amber received is a yet another unconsciously racist micro aggression that Amber has to put up with.

Oww_Papercut_14365Micro aggressions are like a death of a thousand papercuts.  They are just a momentary wince, but to be on the receiving end of them day after day after day, it leaves your psyche a bloody pulp.  After years of this, yet another paper cut is enough to make you scream! 

 

everyday-sexism-bookIt is a similar story with gender-based power exchange  in sexual role play. Those that are on the benefiting side of sexism, damn well better be aware of it and be sensitive about it before approaching those that are oppressed by it.  Especially if asking them to play the role of sexual submissive, engage in sexist dirty talk or enact sexist stereotypes.

 

ilovelucyspankingThis isn’t just relevant for overt kinky role plays.  This is relevent for sex between non-kinky heterosexual couples too.  It pays to get active consent before assuming that is your job to take the lead for instance…

I am a Switch.  That means sometimes I take the dominant role and other times I take the submissive role in my kink play.   When I sub I sometimes like to live out sexist fantasies.

Sometimes I really get off on being called a slut or a whore or being ordered into my place.  Sometimes I like having my power taken away and being told what to do.  Sometimes I like overtly sexist banter while I am bent over someone’s lap and thoroughly spanked…

The truth is,  sexist power exchange is one of my hottest turn ons!  It is also one of my most painful realities as I am on the receiving end of sexist micro-aggression after sexist micro-aggression on a daily basis.  This stuff is genuinely wounding me in real life.

This means that I only feel safe and healthy playing these games if my male play partners are not blind to their gender privilege and if they approach me in such a way that shows respect and asks consent.  No leaping in there assuming because they have a cock and I have a pussy, they are going to take the lead in the sexual dance!

Privilege systems are complex and can work the other way too.  Many men prefer their lovers (of any gender) to take the lead but patriarchal themes make them feel ashamed of this.  Sexism has negative effects on pretty much everyone.  However for now I’ll stick to my main point.  That is, if you belong to the gender who only got the vote less than a century ago, it can feel really invasive to have someone from the gender who has had the vote for centuries, assume power over you.

Unfortunately we live in a world that is still full of unconscious gender and race privilege.  It’s in the very walls of our institutions.  Centuries of sexism and racism don’t just go away.  We’ve come far, and I’m proud of us for that, but we still have a big old hang over to deal with and privilege systems are still very much a problem.

ending racism So how do we go about setting up power exchange play in a healthy way when privilege is involved?

To do systemically privileged power play well, it is best to start by demonstrating your awareness of the issues when approaching a potential play partner.  Show, don’t tell them, that you understand the issues around power imbalance and empathise with their experiences.  

If you don’t have a clear understanding of these issues then damn well put in the time and effort to research it.  It’s time for some self-examination and education!  Make it clear to your potential partner-in-crime, you want to go about this play in ways that lead to less sexism and racism in the world.

gender equalityOnce trust is established and you have agreed to play, it is important to put systems in place to make a healthy outcome.

Personally I have a thorough pre-play consultation to establish boundaries and intentions together and put safe words in place to stop the action if things get too raw.   I also factor in a healthy de-brief and integration period afterwards.  Nothing rushed.

I arrange for aftercare where love and genuine respect is shown to all parties.  We may have been really mean to each other during sexy play times so this is important to bring things full circle.   Keeping in contact for several days afterwards is part of the process as these things can unfold for some time.

Participants may need to talk about how the play effected them in the context of every day lived experiences of racism or sexism.  Listening with presence and full attention is the way to go.  Having our voice heard by those who benefit from privilege systems is a huge part of healing.  It then allows space to hear how these systems are actually hurting everyone.  It helps us become a team working for mutually beneficial outcomes.

I also like to put in place a plan for how to handle things if any trauma buttons get inadvertently pushed mid-play.  In the rush of fight, flight, freeze or emotional melt down it helps to have tools prepared to manage the situation.  This can include agreeing to use safe words, communicating what is going on for you and then, if appropriate,  just holding each other tight while breathing slow conscious breaths until the emotion has moved on and we are calm enough to work through it… or keep playing as it appropriate…

It may sounds like I take the magic out of the play by doing all this but actually the opposite happens.  Once there is a safe container established, we are free to push each other deep into areas of play that otherwise wouldn’t be possible.  With the safety of trust, respect and big-hearted intention towards each other, we can create the space to fly!

When approached consciously, kinky power exchange play can lead us home to wholeness in ourselves in the most unexpected ways.  Perhaps even help heal racism and sexism overall.  Society is after all, made up of us.   Microcosm/macrocosm.  Dealing with the big problems as they appear in miniature versions in our personal relationships may be the only real way to make a difference.

Artemisia de Vine

Artemisia de Vine

About the Author: Artemisia de Vine is a professional dominatrix, switch, sex worker and practitioner of the conscious erotic arts based in Sydney, Australia. Described as elegantly perverted,  she sports a greedy appreciation for the full spectrum of human sexuality, from the sensual to the elaborately kinky.   She is passionate about helping people explore their unique erotic wiring through play sessions.  She approaches sexuality as a form of self discovery with the potential for great pleasure, connection, personal transformation and most of all, fun!

Website: Conscious Kink:

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Jun 052014
 

dominatrix strap on 1Anal play and, in particular, pegging, is such a popular session!  After all it is one of the best ways to access the male G spot.  Who would want to miss out on that?

Over the years working as a professional dominatrix I’ve become experienced in anal play on men from finger to fist and everything in between.  There are many ways in which to approach anal play.  However, it is not just the toys we use or which anal techniques we’ve learnt but also the attitude with which we approach a play scene that makes the experience full of fireworks.

CDR457840 digital rectal examEach of us has unique erotic wiring, so it is important to go about pegging in a way that taps into your core erotic themes.  It’s no good being all sensual if you are turned on by the idea of being ravished and taken by a dominant woman… Likewise, it is no good being ordered into a degrading position if you are the type who needs seductive coaxing…  Is being pegged a reward or punishment for you?  A sensual connection or a degrading sex act?   Is it a power game or  the expression of equal lovers?  One person’s turn on is another’s trauma so it is an important part of the consent process to discuss this before you play.

To help you ask for what it is you really crave, I have put together some of the more popular scenarios that get my boys excited to bend over for me.  It’s far from an exhaustive list but covers some of the main fantasy  and play styles.  Which one are you?  Are you a combination of several of these?  What key themes do you  need in order for pegging to work for you?

beginner strap onAdded Spice with all Things Nice:

Key themes: Added Sensation, experimentation, Curiosity

This style is for those who are new to exploring anal play and pegging.   This type of player usually does not want to make pegging the entire focus of the session but treat it like an added spice to their main meal to give it a bit of kick.  These types tend to be more sexual rather than BDSM-focused.

Works well with:  Single digit Prostate massage, small training dildo or vibrator, sex

tantra dildoSensual Surrender:

Key Themes: Intimacy, Connection, Sensuality, Opening, Surrender, Ecstasy, Erotic Trance

Not everyone who likes to receive the attentions of my strap on is into being dominated or degraded.  (For those that do like it dirty or all about power and control, scroll on down. Your type is here too).  Anal play can be a deeply sensual, profoundly receptive experience.  To have someone enter your body with fingers or toys is to surrender and open in a way that is hard to describe.  People into this style of pegging often respond well to a full body sensual seduction first to help drop them down into a floaty aroused state.  An extended external anal massage and teasing session helps relax and arouse… preparing the body for penetration.

When its time to begin, we start gently with a single finger, loosening the anal sphincter muscles.  Pegging is never forced.  We wait until the anus invites my dildo in.  We synch rhythms through music and by tuning into what their body is ready for.   Staying deeply relaxed can make way for male G spot orgasms.  For sensual peggers, it’s about taking the time to truly sink into and open to the experience.   There are two main sub categories amongst the Sensual Surrender Types.

intimacy strap on sex2Sensual Intimacy Types:  It is important to note that some of the Sensual Surrender types will be seeking intimacy and connection while others are going into a sort of erotic trance inside themselves.   Those that seek intimacy usually seek eye contact and often enjoy being placed on their back with their legs in the air and being “made love to”.    Supportive leg harnesses and slings can help them relax their legs and therefore anal sphincters while holding this position.

My lovers bottomSensual Erotic Trance Types: are those who like to close their eyes and become completely overwhelmed by the sensations.  They go somewhere inside themselves. For trance types the play style is about facilitating surrender much like a massage therapist.  This kind of experience is about being embodied  and it helps if they feel held and supported so they can let go and submerge themselves in the experience.   This allows the trust needed for them to drop down deep.  It can be quite distracting to try to use intimacy or fantasy when they are in this state.  It can snap them right out of the embodied erotic bliss.   It always pays to negotiate what your intention is for the play session so you are not pulling in different directions.

Works well with: a full body massage, sensation play, feathers, silk scarves, blindfolds, essential oils, tantric breathing and trance techniques, sex slings, supportive foot/leg harnesses.

dominatrix strap on 2Dominatrix Dick:

Key themes: Domination, Control, Fear, Intimidation, Submission, Sadism, Masochism

For some pegging is about being dominated.  The thought of a woman with an intimidating strap-on standing over them, ordering them to bend over and spread their butt cheeks gets them immediately hard…  Or teetering on subspace…  For some this style of play is about being sexually turned on and for others it is purely an act of submission.  It’s very important to communicate which of these you are.  The more information you give your Domme about how you are wired, the more fun she can have manipulating you in ways that suit her…  And this type of session is all about what She wants…

These types often respond well to waiting on their hands and knees, ready to obey their Domme’s every word.    The scene here is about having their boundaries pushed and offering up their vulnerable asshole to please their Mistress.  She makes them take more than they thought possible.  Being a little (or a lot!) afraid of what she will do next is big part of it.  Anal play may be seen as a punishment or a reward in these play scenes. Those into Dominatrix Dick often respond well to being called “slave”. Use safe words in this role play to stop the scene if necessary.

Works well with: Bondage, Punishment, Intense Sensation Play, Fisting, Footing, Butt plugs, Enemas, Prostate milking, Figging, Electric Play, Proctoscopes, Anal hooks.

strap on big blackRavished  Rear End:

Key Themes:  Being Desired,  Taken, Overpowered

For some pegging is about being ravished and taken.  It feels good to be the object of desire and see the urgent need in your lover’s eyes.  It can feel great to be the one being “done to” rather than the one “doing” for a change.  While in real life, no one wants to be raped, it is a very popular role play fantasy to be “forced” to receive the very pleasure we secretly want.   This can take the form of being “forced”  to be penetrated with primal lust.  Perhaps they are made helpless with bondage or perhaps mind games allowing  that psychologically dominate  them to allow themselves to be used for someone else’s animalistic pleasure.

It is important to consent to this in a clear discussion beforehand and to utilise safe words should you need to stop the scene.  A safe word is a word used to stop all activity and check in to see what is wrong.  Safe words are vital in this situation because the person being ravished may want to role play protesting by saying “No, please don’t do it to me!”  and “But you are so big! I’m so scared”  or various other forms of protests.  If you have a safe word,  the ravishing can proceed with the creative gusto and all involved can sink right into the role play without fear they are actually causing harm.

Works well with: Restraint, Mixture of Rough and Sensual play, Erotic Play, Head fucking.

strap on harness 6Reluctantly Naughty:

Key Themes: Naughtiness, Dirtiness, Seduction, Forbidden Fruit, Manipulation, Submission, Coaxing, Nurturing, Control

These players enjoy the fact that anal play is still considered taboo and dirty.  They enjoy the feeling of  “wrongness”  and of  being coaxed and seduced into doing something wicked.   Some like to protest and play innocent but have someone else tease and coax them into giving up their vulnerable hole to be penetrated.   It is a form of submission and control through a mixture of authority and seduction.  Again safe words are a very good idea so you know when the reluctance is play acting and when it is real.

Works well with: Role Play, Age play, Teacher/school student, Boss/employee, Baby sitter/teenaged boy, Hot neighbor caught you peeping through her window and has decided to have her way with you or she’ll dob you in… You get the idea…

squirting strap onSlutty Toy :

Key Themes: Degradation, Being Used, Humiliation, Objectification, Domination and Submission

This style is for those who are turned on by feeling erotically used and degraded.   Picture all the stereotypes of the slut or the whore being used for another’s pleasure.  Of course I am far too sex-positive to really believe those stereotypes but it can be hot to tap into that archetype in role play.   Slutty toys often like being on their hands and knees being trained to deep throat and having their holes stretched by dildo after dildo in by ever increasing size.  These types can enjoy being trained to take whatever Mistress pleases in whatever way she likes.  Some times this can include either fantasising about or actually getting extra people of various genders to join in the fun.

Works well with:  Gang Bangs, Slut training, Exhibitionism, Forced Bi scenarios, Glory Holes, Butt plugs, Spit Roasting

sissy slut strap onThe Sissy Slut

Key Themes: Gender fucking, Being Desired, Feminine, Submissive, Degradation, Feeling Exposed, Vulnerability, Used, Objectification

This is for those who enjoy playing with gender.  It is very common to draw on traditional (and out-dated) ideas about what makes someone masculine and feminine  and swap them around.  Again, I do not believe these stereotypes are how we really are but they are nontheless super hot to mess around with in role play.

Sissy sluts revel in the opportunity to let all their suppressed “feminine” attributes to come out.  Cross dressing is a big part of this one.   “He” becomes “she” and our sissy glories in being a degraded and used sex object in frilly knickers, fishnet stockings and smeared red lipstick.  She can be re-named something like “Fee Fee” or “Trixie Belle” and taught to parade around seductively in high heels and a wig.

Being feminine is equated with being a submissive, objectified, sexually used, slutty, whore being made to get in various humiliating positions and perform sexual services for their Mistress’ entertainment.  In this version of the game our sissy slut’s cock becomes a “clitty” and her asshole becomes her “pussy”.

This can sometimes include a third person (either male or trans) to train the Sissy in real-life forced-bi scenarios.  The sissy may not actually be attracted to men at all but is turned on by being forced to perform the slutty acts in order to please Mistress.  Oral sex, deep throating, being anally penetrated.  In this instance the Mistress’ pegging may be preparation… A training tool so that the sissy can take cock.

Works well with: Role Play, cross dressing, sissy slut training program, forced bi scenarios, golden showers, squirting dildos, begging, gang bangs, glory holes, forced masturbation, edging and so much more.

sweet strap onSweet Gender Bender:

Key Themes: Desired, Femininity, Innocence, Sensuality, Playful Connection, Receptive, Sexual Awakening

Like the sissy slut, this scenario is about a man taking on a feminine archetype  through cross dressing and play acting traditional feminine roles.  However this is not a sexually degrading version of femininity but an innocent version.  Cross dressing in this instance reflects this girlish innocence in whites and pinks, ribbons and frills.

Sweet Gender Bender types often respond well to a “girls night in” role play where they hang out with their strap-on wearing girlfriend.   They play around together getting dressed up, doing each other’s hair and make up, drinking champagne, dancing to music and talking about boys.  It turns into a lesbian encounter where the innocent crossdressing girl is seduced by her girlfriend.

Again our gender bender’s penis becomes her “clitty” and her asshole becomes her “pussy”.  She enjoys the process of being spoken to in all the feminine terms; “Put your sweet little hands on my cock and give it a massage…” and “Let me see your cute little panties, do they match your bra?”  “You look so pretty tonight, that lipstick suits you…”  There is a lot of flouncing in this sort of pegging scene.  Penetration is usually on her back with her legs spread.

Works well with Role Play:  Kissing, Cross dressing, Sexy Dancing, Exhibitionism,  Erotic Teasing, Sensuality, Fashion Parade and Photoshoot

There are of course more styles than this.  We are complex creatures so you may or may not fit neatly into any of these categories.  However, this is an excellent starting point to work out what style of pegging is for you.

Artemisia de Vine

Extended Anal Training Program:
While a single play session is of course possible and pleasurable, for anal enthusiasts and those keen to explore deeper, I am offering an Extended Anal Training Package.

Anal sphincters become more flexible with training just like doing yoga makes our bodies more flexible.  It really helps to have an experienced anal expert guide you through an anal training program to discover all the nuances possible.  G spots aren’t always the obvious turn on of the cock or clitoris.  Male G spot can be  illusive, just like the female G spot.    It takes time, practice and patience to discover  just what kinds of  pleasure are possible through anal play but as many anal enthusiastc can attest, once you have accessed this kind of pleasure  it can be full body bliss.

I approach anal training as far more than just phsyically training your hole.  It is a mind, body and sometimes heart and soul journey of self discovery.  It is very much about the places we go inside ourselves during play as well as the physcial acts themselves. You can learn to use erotic embodiment practices to drop deeper into your bodies.  This enhances subspace and/or erotic states of consciousness taking play to the next level.  For those keen to see just what is possible I offer the opportunity to be guided down the anal rabbit hole.

Each package takes into account what style of anal player you are… For those into sensual anal play, the program will have a sensual focus.   For slaves types, you will be put through a vigorous anal training process under Mistress’s eagle eye and strict regime.  It is a journey into submission as much as discovering the joys of your ass.  For sissy sluts, there is a slut training regime… You get the picture…

Each Package includes:

  • Four x 2hr in-person play and training sessions
  • Journal keeping
  • Homework tasks that include training, play and education
  • Reporting back at set times
  • Integration processes

Read more about this program, the author, Sydney-based Mistress Artemisia de Vine, and other kink style sessions available here.   Contact her here.

Please note that this blog entry and all other writing on my website is copyright and cannot be reproduced without my express written permission.

 

 

Mar 052014
 

Artemisia de Vine conscious kink logoDe Vine by name and divine by nature.  I believe each form of life has the spark of divinity within them and I am no exception.  Neither are you.  I identify as a Goddess of conscious kink.  I have a Goddess persona.

In this persona I am deliberately playing with gendered archetypes.  The truth is anyone of any sex or gender can tap into these archetypes and have a powerful experience.  We all contain within us the full spectrum of possibilities.  My intention here is to draw out these aspects of myself and embody them so that you can have a chance to explore your relationship to them.  I become the mirror you can consciously interact with.

Like the Goddesses of myth, I have many forms and tap into many universal archetypes… Mother, Destroyer, Nurturer, Devourer, Queen, Siren, Seductress, Leader, Warrior, Demoness, Maiden… the moods of the sea… Your greatest ecstasy and your worst nightmare.   The holy grail.

A Goddess knows she does not have to be hard to be powerful and takes her pleasure as she pleases. She doesn’t fit neatly into categories like dominant and submissive… straight or gay… dark or light… vanilla or kink… She has a greedy appreciation of the lot.  She accesses the full spectrum of archetypes consciously and can use any colour on the personality palette to weave her play scene or ritual.

 websitebackground0.gifA Goddess of Conscious Kink is Sex, Death and Rebirth in all its cycles.

How do you feel when you think of these archetypes?  Are you humbled and want to worship her in reverence and awe?  Do you feel helpless like a small boat on the angry sea?  Do you feel the urge to control her?  Punish her?  Beg for her attentions or mercy?  What if we could consciously create a space where we could explore all of those aspects in erotic role play?  What if we could be truly honest about the complex relationship we have to these archetypes and explore the different forms they take through kink play… power play… sadomasochism… sensuality?

In my Goddess persona, I create spaces for people who want to encompass, express and experience the full spectrum or a specific aspect with awareness.

 

Artemisia de Vine antique queen final kinklogoHow is a Kinky Goddess Session Different to a Typical Dominatrix Session? 

The main difference is the intention behind the session.  We intend to consciously explore archetypes of gender,  power and desire in a slightly different way than traditional Mistress sessions.

There is nothing at all wrong with traditional Mistress sessions and I offer those too.  If that is more to  your taste then see here…

Goddess sessions tend to be more ceremonial in nature and allow for more conscious exploration of the esoteric aspects of kink, BDSM and beyond.  It  works really well with tantric techniques, ritual, Goddess worship, pain, ordeal,  initiation, role play, psychodrama, sensory deprivation, physical restriction, service ceremonies and conscious erotic shadow exploration.  I am adept at designing and creating Conscious Kink rituals to really explore the potential of our erotic shadow.

While any variety of traditional BDSM activities can be included in these sessions, they are approached with a different flavor… more mindful… more focus on states of consciousness… a clear intention for the session…connecting to  and exploring our whole selves during play, including mind, body, spirit.

Each session is negotiated  and designed individually depending on the intent and purpose.

Read more about Conscious Kink here… 

 

diamond pussy CK logo2Can you give me examples of some sessions?

A great example is the Goddess Worship Ceremony.   This session suits those that are aroused by and/or drawn to being in worshipful service. It is an opportunity to mindfully enter into a state of being that allows you to feel the honor of worship with a meditative attention to detail and an embodied awareness of every exquisite and/or excruciating moment.  For the length of the session I become your entire world.  Everything else falls away.  There is nothing but your complete service to me.

We begin with you naked before me and I guide you into a mindful state of being through breath, ceremony and deliberate symbolic acts.  I have you reverently bathe my feet with warm scented water… teaching you exactly how to touch to give, not to take… teaching you how I wish to be served… As you enter deeper and deeper into the state of worship, recognising and honoring the divine spark in me… surrendering and letting go… opening deeper and deeper… you are gradually allowed to earn the right to bathe more and more of my body…

Once you have entered the right state and I am happy with your touch, you are instructed how to use your mouth in worship… until you are in full service to every nook and cranny I desire… for as long as I desire…

For some people this remains a sensual worship… some are honored with the privilege of drinking the Goddess’s golden nectar…  For others it becomes an ordeal where they feel used…  perhaps restrained… having their face sat on while the Goddess is indifferent to their efforts to please her… Perhaps in your fantasies The Goddess is cruel, forcing you to worship with no concern for your comfort or desire… or perhaps she is motherly and nurturing… or seductively dangerous and in control… Perhaps a regal queen…  All this is negotiated.  We deliberately access the aspects we both agree to explore.

TraySadomasochist Goddess Ceremony Perhaps you are more of a masochist and desire to feel helpless while offering up your pain as an act of worship to the Goddess?  CBT? Bondage? Caning? Flogging? Nipple torture?  If so you will also be guided into an mindful state where you use each breath to offer up your pain in sacrifice.  You have the opportunity to dedicate your session to a specific intention should you choose.  Again the session here is focused very much on accessing certain states of embodied consciousness.   

FurnitureSwitch Power Play and Role Play Ceremony Perhaps you are more suited to a scenario where you explore your relationship to the Goddess through role play and power play… Perhaps you are in control or perhaps I am…  Maybe we switch… What attitude towards the Goddess are you drawn to explore?  Are there aspects of humiliation and degradation?  Of forcing desired acts?  Do you want to explore age play?   Or other themes of power and desire?

Again this is clearly negotiated and entered into with awareness.  We have a clear beginning and end and bring it all back full circle to mutual respect at the end.  It is a chance to let ourselves fully enter into a particular role and experience “what is” for the agreed span of time.  This can be very powerful not to mention seriously hot! 

Mistress high heelsAre you the Goddess? Perhaps you want to explore drawing on the Goddess archetypes within you?  In this session you would be guided into a deep experience of drawing out the chosen archetype within you by using some simple but very powerful, guided, mindful, embodiment exercises.  Once you are deeply in your persona we can explore erotic and/or power play together in that state.  Perhaps through being the slut, the object of objectification, degradation, desire or just feeling the joy of sensual satins on your skin by wearing clothes traditionally seen as feminine… What would it be like for you to be worshipped or reviled as Goddess?  So many possibilities!

These are just a few examples of how a Goddess session could look.  Each session is designed around the unique wiring of both of us.  We find where we overlap and agree on an intention and work out a scenario from there.

 

Do I have to be religious or new age to benefit these sessions? 

Absolutely not!  I do not impose my beliefs on you.  You do however need to be drawn to a session where the spark of life within each or us is seen as something worth honoring.  From there we can design a session around your particular worldview and intentions taking into account your personal boundaries and beliefs.  However these sessions do tend to appeal to those who are into yoga, meditation and appreciate the mind, body, spirit connection.  They suit those who enjoy the journey of deep self discovery and connection.

 

dominatrix cropped textWhat about chakras and energy work?

Yes I believe in these things and am experienced in using them in a kinky context.  We can include this side of things if you choose to but this is done with your consent, not inflicted on you.  I find the more aspects of us we include in our kink play, the more profound the experience.  However I cannot predict how you will experience this as it is different from person to person and session to session.  I can guide you into this aspect of kink play… or not… depending on your inclinations and our agreed on intention.

I draw on aspects of tantra, taoism, sexual shamanic traditions, meditation, various erotic body-mind techniques.  Mostly it is about deepening the states of consciousness possible and engaging all of us with awareness and intention.

 

Do these sessions include PIV (penis/dildo in vagina) sex? 

Usually not but occasionally it feels right for a session to include this.  I am not at all against this kind of sex!  It is however my experience that when PIV becomes involved it often becomes the main focus and the richness of the kink is missed.   It is my experience that in most scenarios, the places we travel to together become so much deeper when PIV is taken off the table.  Furthermore, sometimes sex is simply completely irrelevant to the head space we are aiming to achieve.

Having said this, occasionally it does feel exactly the right thing to do for a particular scenario.  I am happy to include PIV sex when I feel that it would honestly enhance the experience and not detract from it.   And, quite frankly, if I feel like it.  A Goddess tends not to do anything she doesn’t want to whether or not she is playing the submissive or dominant role.   I do charge extra for sexual sessions.

 

venus 3Sounds great!  How do I arrange a session?

We need to have a chat on the phone to work out the best way we can play together.  I will guide you through working out the best kind of scenario for you. This really needs to be done by phone because we need to get a feel for each other.   You can shoot me an initial email at artemisia@consciouskink.com to sound out the basics of the kind of session you are after but we will need to speak in person to negotiate.

Call me between 10:30am-8pm Mon-Friday on 0420 415 658.

You can check out location, prices and practical details here…

If you enjoyed this blog and would like to find out about future workshops, blogs and events as well as tours to your area, sign up to my mailing list.

 

 

Feb 232014
 

If you have not already read part 1, I suggest you start there.  See part 1 here… 

Mistress high heelsI turned and began walking through the shopping centre, each high-heeled step a deliberate movement of seduction.  He fumbled with the phallic vegetable and bottle of lube I had insisted he purchase.  I could hear his nervous breath as he attempted to hide the objects in his hands while we walked through the busy centre.

He followed me, uncertain of what I planned to do after the earlier humiliation foreplay in the fruit and vegetable section of the supermarket.

I took my time, stopping to look at the various window displays, taking note of my victim’s flushed cheeks in the reflection of the glass.  I enjoyed toying with him.  No doubt his mind was busily trying to work out what I was going to make him do with that impossibly big phallic vegetable.

His skin was bright with embarrassment.  The more he visualised just what I was going to make him do next, the more he felt as though every passing shopper also knew exactly what was about to happen to him.  Exposed… embarrassed… aroused…  desperately wanting to get away from the laser beams of their eyes yet feeling completely turned on by it.

I bent over in my tight, shapely skirt and adjusted my shoe slightly.  I watched with amusement as I saw him shift his jeans uncomfortably… blood flowing unbidden to his crotch making his pants grow tight and stiff.

“No where to hide little mouse… “ I purred.

Next I asked him to purchase me a large drink while he was still holding on the embarrassing objects and struggling with the fact he was semi erect.  Not  hard enough for anyone else to notice, but hard enough to make him very self-conscious.

He ordered the drink, avoiding making eye contact with the cashier, no doubt imagining she knew exactly what was happening in his dirty little mind. She didn’t of course, but that didn’t stop his face from turning several shades more crimson.

I seductively licked my lips and began sucking through my straw, leaving lashings of red lipstick kisses all over it.  I just watched him through heavy lids as I slurped and sucked every last drop down.  Eye contact can speak volumes.  He squirmed…

When I was done I had him dispose of the cup and I walked slowly and deliberately towards the stairs to the second floor where the cinemas reside.  We walked together in tense, excited silence.  Every sense alert, pulsing and alive.

I could feel his relief as we entered the darkened foyer of the cinemas.  It was easier to not be noticed here.  Not so much light and the thick, red carpet muffled the clickety clack of my ridiculously high heels.

unisex-toiletI sauntered over to the unisex toilet and waited until there was no one around.

“Quickly now, in we go!” I said eyeing the bathroom door.

He hesitated but my face expression told him I would tolerate no disobedience so he slipped inside.  It was a large cubicle.  Big enough for what I had planned…

“Hand me the vegetable,” I said calmly.  He passed it to me.  It was a bright green vegetable I didn’t know the name of.  It was covered in wart-like bumps and was as long as my forearm… and certainly a lot thicker…

“Mistress, I… I don’t know if I…”  he began stammering.

I just looked amused and raised one eyebrow.  “You don’t know if you can what, slave?”

He eyed the vegetable and gulped.

Without breaking eye contact, I opened the bottle of lube and deliberately poured it all over the vegetable like chocolate sauce on an ice cream sunday.    Clear, slippery gel wound its tendrils down the vegetable in thick ribbons.

“But… I’m sorry Mistress, but I really don’t think I can take that!” he stammered.

“Is that so, slave?” I purred, again amused.

I reached over and grabbed a handful of hair at the scruff of his neck yanking his head back, opening his mouth and pulling him off-balance.

“I suspect you will do as your told don’t you?”  I whispered so close to his ear that my breath tickled his lobe.

“Besides, I told you there would be… consequences... if you chose a smaller vegetable than I did, didn’t I, slave?”.

His eyes widened but he didn’t answer.

“I can’t hear you” I purred… “Didn’t I warn you slave?”

“Y…Yes Mistress” he stammered.

marsian phallus 2I thrust the tip of the marsian looking phallus in his mouth and watched him strain to take it in… lube spilling down his chin.  He mumbled and moaned but it was muffled by the vegetable unceremoniously stuffed in his orifice.

“Now that I have your full attention, slave, I am going to give you some instructions.  I want to you to listen very carefully and obey to the letter, do you understand?”  He nodded, eyes wide and mouth still full.  I thrust the vegetable in a little further and watched impassively as he struggled to take it.

“In a moment I am going to let you go.  When I do I want you to unzip your jeans and pull them down to your ankles.  I then want you bend over the toilet, resting your hands on the flush tank and present your bottom to me.  You need to be very quiet so we are not overheard. There could be people right outside the door.  Do you understand?

“Yes mistress” he mumbled through the vegetable gag.

I released the scruff of his neck and removed the marsian phallus vegetable from his mouth.  He immediately unzipped his jeans and pulled them down, exposing his very hard cock standing in full salute to me.

I smiled to myself.  Here was a complete stranger I had never met before doing my every bidding.  I took a moment to savor that thrill.  He had contacted me through my professional dominatrix website and we had negotiated a session.  Even though I am a professional with an excellent reputation, it still takes guts to trust and obey someone you do not know.  There is an art to seducing submission out of someone and I love every second of it.

He turned around and assumed the position as instructed.  He no doubt heard the snap of my latex gloves.

“I like being fully dressed when you are all vulnerable and exposed slave”  I whispered throatily.   “Being bent over and humiliated suits you…”

I slapped his perky arse cheek and slithered a lubed finger down his crack, making him jump.

inside toilet cubicle“Shshshsh my wicked boy, we both know you are going to do as you are told and open up for me”.  I reassured him in a lullaby voice of honey seduction. “We both know you like to be fucked and I am going to invade your most secret places”.

I pushed a finger into his arse.  He gasped with the shock of it but soon relaxed into a moan of pleasure.

His hole was tight and we both knew he would never be able to take the vegetable phallus but I was enjoying playing with his head.  With my other hand, I rolled the vegetable between his butt cheeks and down through his thighs to tickle his balls.  I began gently thrusting my finger in and out, massaging his prostate with every stroke.

We could hear the muffled sound of people in the cinema foyer, going about their business.

He began moaning quietly and rocking back and forth, obviously enjoying being penetrated.

“I think you like it don’t you slave?  Tell me how much you like being fucked up the arse slave?  I want to hear you beg for more.”

“Yes Mistress!  I love being your slave.  I’ll do anything you say.  Please fuck me Mistress”.

“You’re a little slut aren’t you slave? Tell me how much of a horny slut you are.”

“I’m your horny little slut, Mistress. I’m your little slut.  Please fuck me Mistress!”.

At this point he was so aroused he would have done anything at all and I knew it.  I thrust a few more times and then stopped abruptly, leaving him empty and desperate for more.

“Now slave, I am going to give you a choice.  You can either take this delightfully large marsian phallus all the way up your arse or you can open your mouth and let me use it as a toilet.  I did drink an awful lot you see…  I want you to drink every last drop of my golden nectar and thank me for it.  Which will it be?”

He hesitated.  I drummed my fingers impatiently.  “Hmmm?”

We both knew that he was revolted by the idea of drinking my piss but that the phallus was impossible for his tight, untrained arse to take.  It wasn’t really a choice.  He would have to become my living toilet.

I held the marsian phallus up for him to assess.  “Which is it to be?”

“I.. I will take the golden shower, Mistress” he stammered.

“Good boy”.  I smiled.  Now lie down on the ground and open your mouth.  I want to hear you say that you are my toilet.

He lay down obediently and half opened his mouth nervously.  He didn’t say anything.  I could feel how humiliating it was for him to say those words out loud.  His cock was harder than ever but still he struggled.

“I want to hear you say it slave” I repeated impatiently.

“I, I am your toilet Mistress.  I am yours to piss on.  You may piss in my mouth and I will drink every last drop.  I am yours to do with as you please”.

“Yes, yes your are.” I purred.

Pouring oil or golden liquid.I slowly hitched my skirt up to reveal my black satin g-string.  I slipped my fingers under the elastic and flicked it against my skin.  I stepped across him so one of my high-heeled shoes was on either side of his head, giving him an exquisite view up my skirt.

I slowly slipped my panties off, sliding them down my plump, stocking-clad legs.  I slipped them down all the way to my ankles so they stretch taut across his nose and mouth filling his nostrils with the scent of my pussy, hesitated a moment, then flicked them off altogether.

“Open your mouth little slave.  Open wider than that.  For if you do not drink every drop, my golden shower will spill all over your shirt and you do not have a change of clothes”.

I let that sink in.

Then I stretched luxuriously and bent down into a squat, positioning my pussy only inches from his face.  So close, yet so far away…

He opened very wide, not wanting to spill a drop.

At first it was just a trickle… a little splish, splash… I controlled the stream in short bursts letting it gush into his open mouth and roll over his tongue.  I heard him struggle not to spit it out… struggle to keep his mouth open…

His cock was so hard I could have used it as a crow bar.  He may be revolted, degraded and humiliated but he was enjoying this as much as I was.

“Taste it slave.  I want you to taste my golden vintage like a wine.  Savor it. Swish it around your mouth, there’s a good little toilet”.

I squirted another warm gush into his open mouth and watched him struggle to obey.  It was a little too much for him however as some spilled out the corners of his mouth and dribbled down his chin and the front of his chest.

I held the phallus up for him to see clearly.  “Drink it ALL up or you will have to take this after all” I threatened with an amused voice. “It will be very entertaining for me”.

He doubled his efforts to comply with my wishes and I began to gush in earnest making it very difficult for him to swallow in time without my piss going all over him.

Just at that point there was a sudden banging on the door.  A male voice, obviously an employee of the cinema, said, “Excuse me but you need to come out of there.  You were both seen entering the toilet and you’ve been in there far too long.  You need to come out immediately!”

puddle“Just a moment please” I said sweetly while continuing to piss all over my slave.  The surprise knock had made me jump, spraying my golden shower all down the front of my slave’s shirt.  He was soaked.  I may as well finish the job I thought sadistically.  I sprayed one final gush all over his face and clothes.

My slave was in a panic.  He had been getting off on the idea of maybe getting caught but to actually be caught!  Well that was the ultimate humiliation!

I calmly stuffed my panties in my handbag and disposed of the vegetable and lube bottle in the bin.

I then folded my arms amused as my slave tried desperately to clean himself up. He wiped his face with toilet paper as best he could but there really wasn’t anything for it but to come out covered in my golden nectar.  He looked terrified!

There was more banging on the door from the manager.  “I really must insist that you come out of there immediately” he said in a commanding loud voice.  This of course attracted attention of passers-by.  When we did open the door there was a small crowd to greet us, all staring at us.

I stepped out perfectly neat and tidy in my tight skirt and seductive heels… a small wicked smile on my face…

My slave followed out awkwardly behind me covered in piss and unable to do a thing about it.  I walked slowly and deliberately across the hall with all eyes burning into us.  I can’t imagine what they were speculating.  Could they smell the urine or did they think it was water on his shirt?

car parkI know my slave had never squirmed so much in painful, arousing embarrassment in his life!  He was both horrified and secretly loving it.  I did not hurry a single step.

Down the esculator and back in to the main shopping centre, we walked the slow parade of shame.  Soaked in my scent he was forced to walk at a sedate pace through the flouro lit halls.  The walk seemed to last forever.   A smile curled my lips every step of the way… enjoying every awkward moment of humiliation… every excrutiating moment of exquisite torture.

After what seemed like an eternity, we reached the car park.

I turned, noticed his straining erection had returned… and simply winked at him… then walked off to my car without another word.

I just left him standing there in the delicious torment of degradation and arousal.  I left him burning with need for release.  Ah, a Mistress can be so cruel.

******

He wrote to me later to tell me that was one of the most extraordinary, unusual and arousing experiences he had ever had.  He has a thoroughly wicked and hot story to climax to over and over for years to come.

******

This story is based on a real session in my early days as a professional dominatrix and humiliatrix.  All sessions are negotiated and consented to and my slave had a safe word he could have used to stop any activities at any time.  I had no intention of actually getting caught and involving innocent by-standers but it just happened that way.

I have written a blog here about how humiliation can actually be a deeply loving and conscious way to approach kink.  Check it out here…

For those interested in sessions with me, I am currently based in Sydney, Australia.  See my website for further details.

This story is copyright and may not be reproduced in any way without express, written permission from me, Artemisia de Vine.

Nov 192013
 

whipsIt’s a mad trip taking this kink-fest on the road.  I pack my van to the hilt with all sorts of wicked tools of the trade and hit the road, turning hired apartments and hotel rooms into make shift dungeons as I go.  Gypsy Kinkster adventures!

Here are a few of the things I’ve brought with me on tour to Canberra and will be with me in Melbourne next week.   There’s more of course… as well as the whips, paddles, canes, straps, dildos, CBT equipment, rope etc there is also piles of cross dressing paraphenalia, lingerie, wigs, make up… Then there are all the secret things tucked away like needles, anal fisting gloves, enemas, adult nappies… Not to mention my personal costumes!

ropecbt toysanal toys

Nov 152013
 

venus 3If you are intrigued by working out your core erotic themes to enhance play and become more conscious of your motivations and unique erotic wiring, then I encourage you to fill out this survey.

I recommend filling in this survey before a session with me to assist you in working out exactly what kind of play is best for you.  In addition you will be helping further some really fabulous research into Conscious Kink.

Colleague and fellow Conscious Kink enthusiast, Galen Fous has created this Personal Myth Survey as part of his research.

The PEM Survey was part of my academic research in grad school at the Institute of Transpersonal Psychology, where I specialized in the study of the empowering and healing aspects of sexual authenticity in the form of Fetishsexuality. The survey is designed to help people gain deeper insight into the darker, taboo edges of their Erotic desires, that lurk below the surface, and bring these often secret and feared desires into the light to examine, consider and embrace in a healthy conscious manner.

Nov 092013
 

NewTrayI tend to be quite fascinated by kink play that explores all our shades of humanity. Traditional archetypes interweaving with innovative moments free from prescribed social scripts… Tapping into the power of the erotic patterns already firmly established in the-way-things-are-done-in-BDSM and adding the spices of unmapped territory. Taking the potency from both the old and the new and seeing where it takes us…

This method avoids the stagnant oppression of “rules” that decide who is a “real” Mistress/slave/sub etc while still accessing the juicy currents that the rules were made to channel in the first place. – Artemisia de Vine

Nov 092013
 

Temptation logoAs a professional Dominatrix, ocassional switch and educator in the world of conscious kink, I am often asked how I can possibly thoroughly enjoy play sessions that intentionally humiliate or embarrass my play partner.  How can I be invested in a loving, self-aware path that focuses on mindfulness and embodied meditation and also be into objectifying, degrading, controlling and belittling another human being?

Warning!  This blog discusses explicit adult themes of a fetish, BDSM and kink nature.   

It’s true that I am both a person who strives for integrity and cares deeply for the well-being of my play partners while at the same time I find it incredibly hot to make them perform erotically humiliating acts.  It’s one of my specialties and personal core erotic themes.  I am a humiliatrix.  I even like to some times, with the right partner, switch roles.  Embarrassment, power and eroticism frequently go hand in hand.

Being conscious about kink certainly doesn’t mean “light  and fluffy” BDSM only.  Delving into the feeling of danger and mystery can often be what ignites our erotic play… taking risks… peeking into the dark crevices of our souls…  exploring power or intensity can be what gives a session its bite and heat… carving a delicious memory into our flesh that lasts a life time.    

It could be as simple as having to bare your bottom and bend over for a thorough spanking… being anally taken by a strap on… forced to worship my feet… verbal put downs from mild  to intense…. being made to kneel… spat on… called names… small cock humiliation… put in degrading positions… being made to eat out of a dog bowl…  forced to drink golden showers…  being treated like a sissy slut…  being tied up, teased and laughed at about how turned on you are and how you are never going to be allowed to actually touch the body in front of you… and far more intense, explicit things I won’t go into here. 

shadow04Erotic Shadows

Conscious kink is not about sanitising that… It is about engaging with it in a consensual and aware way that aims to have a positive effect on all involved and allows us to travel deeper into each moment.  It is about learning and harnessing skills to ride the wave rather than be rolled by it… and to enter states of being and, well, consciousness one cannot get to otherwise.  Consciously approaching kink play takes bravery to be self-aware, take self-responsibility and be the hero on your own erotic quest of self discovery.  Far from detracting from the experience, being conscious in BDSM play only makes it more potent.

Each of us have core erotic themes that run through our fantasies and erotic dream-scape.  Core erotic themes vary greatly from person to person and are very often made up of the parts of us that we have suppressed as part of our personal and cultural upbringing.   As we develop and adopt the socially acceptable ways of being and behaving in any given family or culture, some natural parts of us are deemed inappropriate.   Showing anger might be one… taking up too much body space might be another… openly expressing our sexuality might be another…  According to Carl Jung, all of these aspects of our personality are suppressed into our unconscious where we are no longer aware of it on  a day-to-day basis.   The qualities that are suppressed are called our shadow and contains both negative and positive aspects of us.   Our shadow becomes the part of us we can’t see yet has a huge impact on the way we feel, act and react all the time.

Creating shadows is a natural part of learning to belong to any culture but creating shadows also creates shame.  It’s pretty simple.   Suppressing certain aspects of us also creates shame about those aspects.   Our shadow self is made up of all these suppressed aspects.  We access our unconscious, where our shadow lives, through the images and feelings in day and night dreams, imagination and yes, our sexual fantasies.     

Core erotic themes vary greatly from person to person but we all have them  if we dig deep enough we find common flavors running through our sexual fantasies and none of them are politically correct.  Some people, have core erotic themes that are about longing, being desired, having power, being powerless and some of us have core erotic themes that are formed from the clay of humiliation, embarrassment and shame.   Even those that have non humiliation core erotic themes, may have a smattering of humiliation woven through their fantasies anyway.  It is not universal but is very common.   

portal spaceSexual Fantasy as Portal to the Unconscious

Our sexual fantasies are gateways to these suppressed aspects of ourselves because being aroused or in sub space or both, takes us into a different state of consciousness.  When in these head-spaces we think, feel and experience things differently.  In these states of consciousness the veil between unconscious self and conscious self is thinner.  The unconscious bleeds through and we start to think in the langauge of the unconscious… in dream language… in fantasy language… So we have sexual fantasy and shame hand in hand here…  We also have an opportunity  for  inner alchemy here.  To turn the base metals into gold…  All the ingredients are there.   We have an opportunity for the conscious and unconscious to co-operate and align if we choose to embrace our shadow in our erotically fuelled  and/or subspace altered state of consciousness.   

knickersSissy Sluts as an Example of Erotic Shadow 

Cis men into cross dressing are into it for a huge variety of reasons and not all of them have a core erotic theme based in humiliation.  Like-wise, not every one who has humiliation as a core erotic theme is into cross dressing.   I am just using cross dressing as a possible expression of someone who has humiliation as a core erotic theme in the example below.

A person born in a male body is socialised to “act like a man” and “man up” from the moment he is first put in his pale blue onesy as a baby.   Depending on the particular culture, subculture and family beliefs, the idea of how to ‘act like a man” will have various expressions.  Some common themes are not being allowed to wear pink, satin, frills, flowers, make up, or anything associated with being a “girl”.   Crying, showing emotion, forming intimate connections with mates where feelings are openly shared… skipping… moving the pelvis in a “feminine” way etc…  Along for the ride with this mentality is the idea that men are the “doers” in sex and women are the “done to”.   Sex inherently taints women but not men.  Being receptive is female…  Being penetrated is not a “manly” thing to do. 

These attributes and acts literally have to be trained  out of our boys to turn them into “men”.   That means the attributes were there to start with buthad to be suppressed. Many aspects of  masculinity have to be performed and reinforced and are often reinforced quite brutally.  I’m not saying there aren’t natural differences between people born with penises and those born with pussies, but I am saying there are clearly also some pretty strong socialisation processes.  Boys frequently bully each other the second they show any sign of being “girly”.  Being like a girl is the worst crime and is considered weak, submissive and pathetic.  It may even earn you a beating and being socially ostracized.   There is deep shame in showing any attributes considered feminine.  Having a “big cock” is the ultimate symbol of being a sexually virile manly man and is associated with dominance.

barbieAs a dominatrix, I see a lot of men who are incredibly turned on by being forced to wear girly, frilly panties.  They feel really turned on by being forced to do all those things normally considered “sissy” but have no idea why.  It is such a common pattern there is a common name for it.  It’s called a “sissy slut” session.  The sissy sluts who also have humiliation as part of their turn on want to feel all the girly things forbidden to them and be humiliated for it.   They want to feel sexually desired and objectified the way women often are.  They love the feel of the silky under things against their skin but for the humiliation themed sissies, it isn’t truly hot until they are mocked and degraded for it.   They want to not only be smeared in lipstick and made to take on the body language of girls but they want to be degraded and called a slut for it… forced to suck my strap on and then be used anally.   Some find having their cock mocked as small and useless is a real turn on.   Basically, living out their worst fears and transforming them into something pleasurable through eroticising them.

This is just a small sample of many possible forms humiliation sessions might take.  Anyone of any gender can enjoy humiliation play on either the giving or the recieving end.  Another example could be treated like an animal, caged  and collared… because likewise the aspects of us that are considered uncultured, raw and sexual are often correlated with “acting like an animal”.  

Another person may enjoy eroticising the feeling of being seen and used as just a sex object.   Some may secretly fantasise about being a trussed up like a naked, hog-tied, turkey in the middle of the boardroom table while surrounded with corporate types in suits observing and analyzing them.   Others enjoy the thought of  being de-humanised altogether and treated like a resource.  A thing.  Or actively scolded and dressed down.

It’s not always overtly erotic either.  It can be more about subspace and the state of consciousness people go when the mind is tricked into a state of open surrender.  Sub space = submission space and often ressembles the place meditators aim to access.  A surrender of the ego to let some other part of us take the driver’s seat.  

Humiliation is complex.  I won’t go into all the possible nuances here.  Some of us have it as a deeply rooted core erotic theme that will remain with us for the rest of their lives.  Others of us have other core erotic themes but have aspects of feeling shame and embarrassment threading through our secret masturbation fantasies like a spice that adds the kick.  It’s not surprising really given the mixed messages we are given about our sexuality from the get go.  It’s a source of wonder and great shame.  The sex Goddess is also the “slut” and the “whore”.  

thespianDoesn’t acting it out reinforce it?  How can that be conscious and healthy?

So what do we do with this?   I have met may a tantrika or well-meaning person who thinks we need to heal this aspect of ourselves.  While I agree that working through sexual shame is one of the great works of our era, I do not agree that  our sexual fantasies and consensual role plays should be “healed”.  That is, the aim of conscious kink as I see it, is not to make those uncomfortable fantasies go away.   To avoid embracing our politically incorrect turn ons would be to suppress those aspects of ourselves even further… creating an even stronger struggle between our conscious minds and our shadow selves.   Instead, I propose we embrace our shadow in a conscious, lusty, full power way with a cherry on top!

By creating safe spaces to bring out and explore our shadow selves in a play scene we are creating a container with a neat beginning, middle and end that allows us to let the usually suppressed parts of ourselves take the driver’s seat.  It is a ritual if you like, where we can create temporary, different rules and ways of being that we consent to with awareness.  Our subconscious doesn’t speak the same langauge or play by the same rules as our conscious minds.  In a play scene we are letting the language of the subconscious take over, or at least bleed through.   By acting these shadow aspects of ourselves out, we  create an opportunity to bring the paradoxical elements of ourselves into alignment.  The paradox never goes away but we learn to ride it and find the treasure at the heart of it.  It is right there in the point where darkness and light meet that the magic lies.  

The point is not to turn darkness into light.  Oh no!  Too much sweetness and light leads to spiritual diabetes.  The point is to ride the paradox and engage with it consciously.  

By bringing unconscious and conscious into alignment something powerful happens.  Our shadow is no longer, well unconsciously controlling our feelings, reactions, beliefs, relationships.   Instead, the conscious and unconscious are co operating and co creating.  The shadow becomes our ally rather than our feared monster under the bed and we have a sense of inner alignment.

This moment of paradox in alignment sometimes just happens accidentally without us ever consciously examining any of the whys and hows.   The play is enough on its own to create this effect.   If you are erotically drawn to something and you have the opportunity to live it out in a safe way with consenting adults, then go for it.  Follow those erotic cookie crumbs!  They are leading you to a deeper relationship with your shadow self.   However just doing it randomly is a bit hit and miss.  

If we enter into humiliation play with awareness and conscious intention, we have the potential to nudge the result into an even more effective and powerful place more often.  While there are never any guarentees, the result is far more likely to be empowering rather than reinforcing the status quo.  There is the world of difference between a client who comes to me like our play is a dirty secret, feels ashamed that he has this need, responds unconsciously by being shifty and sleazy and then turning on me afterwards, to a client who comes to me willing to be the hero on his own inner alchemy quest by exploring his Kink proclivities with awareness and taking self-responsibility.   The outcome of the two sessions are vastly different.

In the case of the sissy sluts, conscious kink creates a place to play with gender.   We don’t try to make it politically correct because that would actually kill the power of acting out our shadow selves.  Remember the unconscious is not politically correct and we need to allow space to give it voice.   By acting out our sissy slut, we come into a greater awareness and relationship with the suppressed so-called “girly” or “slutty” parts of ourselves.    Instead of then becoming revolted when men act in “girly” ways without knowing why, we begin to lose that knee jerk revulsion.  We then have more choice around how we interact with gender and allow those around us to interact with their own gender identity in whatever way they choose.  Being  sissy slut doesn’t stop beign a turn on for us and as far as I am concerned it shouldn’t.   What happens is we have a more aware, healthy relationship to our inner sissy slut that ripples out into our relationship with ourself and others in all areas of life. 

erotic themesPersonal Core Erotic Themes

Each of us has different core erotic themes so not every one will be drawn to explore humiliation scenes.   Of those into humiliation, there will be a huge variety of fantasies about how that might manifest in your hottest turn ons.   Certainly not everyone will be turned on by being a made into a sissy slut.  While many men go through the process of having the “girl” beaten out of them through socialisation, only some end up with sissy slut fantasies.   No one really knows why for sure.  

Perhaps instead your fantasies are based on being caught masturbating, or having the girl you fancy use her power over you to make you jump through hoops?   Being degraded and having your mouth used as a toilet…  Or simply being made to beg to be fucked…  Maybe you like role play where you are caught rifling through your neighbor’s  knicker draw and she threatens to tell your parents if you don’t do exactly as she says…  Maybe you fantasise about being naked in a board room full of corporate types in suits?  The scenarios are endless and I have become very creative in finding ways to tease out those hots spots in an individual’s core erotic theme.  

The reason that I am drawn to humiliation play is that is one of my own core erotic themes.  I get it.  I really get it.  My goodness did it take me a long time to be able to admit it!   I’m into degrading and erotically humiliating others and under the right circumstances, I’m turned on by having the tables turned.  Oh the shame of having humiliation and degradation as a turn on.  *Cue irony*

As an aside, It is also worth noting that having core erotic themes like humiliation, does not stop us from also accessing other forms of erotic pleasure like making love, sensuality, ecstatic erotically-fuelled trance states, kundalini experiences and more.   Fantasy and kink play is only one possible expression out of many.   If you only know how to be aroused from your core erotic theme and can’t access any other forms of erotic interaction, then I suggest going to a sexologcial bodyworker or other conscious sexuality professional and learning how to access even more potential within you.  More options  = more ways of playing and connecting with self and others. 

ying-yang-yin-x-250943 So what makes Conscious Kink humiliation play sessions any different? 

There are all sorts of skills from neo-tantra, mindfulness and other somatic embodiment practices that are helpful to enhance any sort of kink play.  There are all sorts of subtle ways of  moving into deeper relationship with self from various esoteric traditions and somatic body-mind techniques.  Techniques from tantra, yoga, mindfulness and transcendental meditation practices all translate well into kink play.  However,  a really great place to start is simply with intention and awareness.

Just being aware that this play is a opportunity to own our erotic shadow selves and make them an ally already makes a big difference to how we approach any session.   Having the intention to tune into and embrace our erotic shadow changes everything.

I find discussing and stating out loud our intention in a clear sentence or two before we begin has a subtle but potent impact on a play scene.  Our unconscious responds to our intentions in ways that ripple out into our lives in ways we can’t really pre-conceive.   Having the intention, to love and respect ourselves and consciously let go for a given amount of time to fully enter into a normally suppressed way of being, accepting ourselves and each other “warts and all” makes a big difference.  Being witnessed, accepted and held in our  secret, sexy, vulnerable, shameful places is huge!

This kind of play often leads to a way of being where our shadow selves start to work with us in everyday life rather than control us in unconscious ways, bursting out like volcanos in seemingly unconnected areas of our lives.  Personally, I have been blown away with just how powerful simple tools like intention and awareness have.

barbed candleConscious Kink as a Spiritual Path 

Each person has their own spiritual or existential perspective and far be it from me to tell you what to think.  You certainly don’t  have to adopt my take on spirituality for this process to work.   However, to me, the great soul work of being human is to fully experience being human and awaken to our full selves.  Awaken all the layers…  We often wander about in a sleep walk, living our pre-programmed social scripts and wonder why we feel dissatisfied.   The antidote is to wake up!

More and more people are waking up and truly living.  One of the key ways to do this is to befriend our shadow selves and turn it into an ally.    One excellent and effective way to do this is through accessing our sexuality… where the veils between the conscious and unconscious are naturally thinner and alignment is more easily achievable.

I am of the school of thought that we are not human beings having a spiritual experience but we are spiritual beings having a human experience.  That means everything is already sacred just the way it is.  However the ultimate experience is being conscious of and fully exploring our humanity with awareness of our inner spark of divinity.  We feel the most right, the most content and at “home” when we are in alignment with all aspects of ourselves.

Sounds good, so where do we start?  

So all this sounds really exciting and you’d like to play.   Start by thinking about the common themes running through your hottest, most forbidden fantasies.  The ones you hardly dare think about unless you are so aroused you are about to cum.   There will likely be lots of different scenarios you enjoy.  Take notice of what the underlying themes are.  What common ingredient makes it hot for you again and again no matter what shape the fantasy takes?   Break that down so you can clearly communicate it and consent to it, agreeing to safewords and after-care.

hand shakeConsent, Negotiation and Safe words

Humiliation is a volatile fantasy to play with.  It has to be very carefully discussed and consented to before hand because one person’s turn on is the next person’s traumatic experience.  I can’t emphasis enough how important it is to discuss a potential humiliation scene thoroughly and work out exactly what hits the hot buttons and which ones hit the genuine ouch buttons.   It is important for all parties involved to consent to certain activities, attitudes and understand the vibe of the individual player’s core erotic theme.  

No matter how much you plan, there is always a certain amount of risk in these kinds of games.  I get my play partners to actively acknowledge that risk and take self-responsibility for it.  Having a plan for if things go awry is really useful.    We agree to a safe word that can stop our play at any time if needed.  I ask my play partners not to use the safe word willy-nilly but to take three long, slow breaths before using it.  If they still need to use, it, go for it but make sure they need to.  Life isn’t all nice kittens and pie and sometimes the most challenging parts of the play turn out, in hindsight, to be what really gave it power.

My most immediate psychological “first aid” tool for if my play partner or I becomes triggered is to focus on breathing.   When an unexpected surge of emotion rises in us, as it sometimes does when working with erotic alchemy,  I get the person to focus completely on their breath.  Counting with them and guiding them to breath very slowly and fully.. letting the air fall all the way out before taking the next breath.   Doing this for ten breaths is often enough to shift the burst of emotive energy  to be able to talk about it and feel into what needs to happen next.  If what needs to happen is beyond my scope, I have the numbers of highly respected, kink-friendly counsellors and psychotherapists handy.

It’s also important to discuss after-care.  Even if my play partner is grinning from ear to ear at the end of our session, aftercare may be needed to bring things full circle.   It is good to discuss with the person what they need to reassure them they are a respected, valuable human being.  For some people suddenly becoming all nurturing at the end of the session would burst the bubble for them but for others, it is essential or they will feel weepy and empty for days.  There are no fixed rules so communication and risk aware experimentation is key.    Quite often a blanket, a cup of tea and a chance to de-brief about the experience is enough.

If your play partner is not experienced, it may help to seek out someone in the kink and/or tantra scene who is who can help you work it out.   The local kink scene often runs workshops and skill shares.  Or else you can book in for a professional session with a dominatrix or switch. Some professionals approach their play more consciously than others so ask questions until you find the right fit.  Many kink professionals are happy to see couples and guide them into a play session together.  

If you are looking to specifically learn the skills to take humiliation into the realm of conscious play as part of your personal journey into great self-awareness, personal transformation, discovery and alignment then there are people listed on my website who work in those areas offering everytign from counselling, workshops, and play sessions.   There is a book list on the resources section of my website.   You are also welcome to sign up to my mailing list to keep an eye out for upcoming workshops or book in for a personalised consultation or play session.  Skype sessions consultations available.  

Most of all, remember that while this kind of play can push boundaries and be challenging, it is also lots and lots of  fun and one hell of an adventure!   Good luck on your quest to discover even more of your inner world and get off in the process.  Yay for the paradox of holy smut!

 – Artemisia de Vine: Goddess of Conscious Kink

 

All material on this blog is copyright and the property of Artemisia de Vine.   

Oct 172013
 

Vintage-Spanking-Image 6I taught one of my wonderful regular spanking clients how to incorporate tantric breathing today.

We normally role play domestic spanking scenarios and have a ball together. The boss who takes his secretary in hand for stealing petty cash, hikes up her skirts and gives her a thorough spanking and caning. She then catches him embezzling and has her revenge threefold.

Or perhaps the housewife who spends all her husband’s money and never cooks or cleans gets a firm hand putting her in her place with an OTK (Over the knee) spanking… Only to discover the husband bought a new car with income he had been hiding from her so she takes her revenge.   All the forbidden power play scenarios… We bounce off each other beautifully and both adore spanking so it is a really fun scenario full of squeals, pouty gasps, come backs and stinging slaps, stings and thuds that make us feel so alive.

Tonight we did something a bit different. I taught him how to use breath to move the sensation through the body and we had a much more sensual spanking scenario. Learning a couple of different conscious breathing techniques  adds to the already floaty state of conscious established by the endorphin rush and takes the whole thing up several notches.  Like throwing petrol on the fire…    A beautiful sensual caning scene had us both in a gorgeous, wobbly kneed space where we were grinning like fools and squirming in pleasure-pain with each stroke biting into flesh.  While I sometimes use the cane as a harsh disciplinary tool it can be used in extremely pleasurable ways… Heat kiss on skin…

“I’ve never felt anything like that before!” he said, “That was out of this world! Incredible!” And he doesn’t want to look back… Down the rabbit hole we go… ;)

Note: I want to be clear that Tantra is about far more than just seeking a higher erotic hit.  Tantra is far more holistic than that just as spanking isn’t just about a cutsey role play game.   There is more to it than that.  However, even without a lot of experience, just adding the breathing techniques alone can make quite a dramatic difference to any erotic or endorphin-based experience but it must be noted that is just the beginning of the tantric-spanking journey.  It also must be noted that my style of spanking is not only about the playful side but can also be very intense.  The kind you dread but know will reboot your system.

Aug 212013
 

foot fetish CK logoPlump white toes with crimson nails… creamy arches and slender elegant ankles and plump, shapely legs… Stockings or bare wiggling toes… Some are drawn to delicate, clean and pretty feet  they wish to honor in worship  while others are more attracted to the dirty, smelly feet they are forced to grovel under and lick clean in service of their Mistress.   Perhaps you are more about the shoe worship?  Smelly sneaker, elegant stiletto heels, impressive boots?   Perhaps you enjoy the tantric sensual ritualised version of foot worship?  Either way, the desire to serve feet is a delicious fetish that can be explored in a multitude of different ways.  Some common ceremonies are below but feel free to discuss your unique intention and desires to have a ceremony designed especially.

Worship the Goddess’s Feet

For those who adore toe cleavage peeking out from pretty shoes, and find arousal in pleasuring feet there is a beautiful conscious erotic foot worship ceremony  that I offer.   It begins with a foot washing ceremony where you take the time to fully sink into being present with the feet.   Take the time to mindfully wash your Goddess’s feet in the time-honored tradition using essential oils and honor.  Allow yourself to sink into the moment and delight in every aspect of her feet.   Connect with your body, breath, arousal and feel each exquisite moment.  Lick your Goddess’s feet dry, massaging and honoring… There is the world of difference between honoring feet and merely washing them… Be guided into exactly how this Goddess likes to be worshipped.  You may be rewarded with a beautiful, sensual foot job finish.

feet2 CK logoGrovel Beneath the Goddess’s Feet

For those more drawn to being a mere slave in the presence of a demanding queen or cruel Mistress, then this ceremony is more for you.  On your hands and knees or  you will use your tongue to clean every inch of her feet, breathing in their scent and knowing your lowly place.  Kiss the ground she walks on and the feet that carry her through the day.  Be trampled and trained in obedience.  Your every fibre will pay attention and submit in service.  Your are pure devotion to the divine Goddess’s wicked desires.

Shoe and Boot Worship

Boot blacking and worshipping a Mistresses shoes… leather, elegant stilletos, intense boots and more…   trampling, licking, cleaning, honoring in ceremonial style dedicating your service and arousal to honor the Goddess’s boots.

Tantric Foot Washing and Bondage Ceremony

Delicate foot bondage can be an erotic experience…  Receive and/or give a foot washing ceremony with warm water and aromatic oils and then erotically honor the feet with decorative restraint and sensual rope play.  An exquisite, mindful and erotic ceremony using breath, presence, worship and arousal.  Sensual submission and honoring. Intentionally connecting to the energy centres in the feet… This can be a ceremony in and of itself or part of a larger play session that includes other elements.

 

Mar 122013
 

Temptation logoBy Artemisia de Vine

The BDSM and kink scenes already have a thriving culture of consent and self-awareness. I’m proud to be part of a culture that has such excellent peer education where elders guide newbies into healthy and hot practices. If this is already happening, then why take on the title “Conscious Kink”? I mean people are already pretty consciously engaging with their kinks right?

Experiencing more fully…

One can bop around the kitchen listening to music and really enjoy it. It is healthy and fun. You can learn different dance moves to make it more fun… Or one can also choose to consciously enter into each note and become the music… To develop a relationship with the music and let it possess and move you on all levels…  Utalising techniques from tantra, mindfulness and other subtle arts to enter more deeply into each exquisite moment… breath, presence, heart awareness, energy, intent make the world of difference to this experience.

One form of engaging with music is not inherently better or more moral than than the other.  They are just different experiences.  However it does have to be acknowledged that by consciously engaging with music we do have a deeper  more fully engaging experience.  So too with kink and BDSM.   Conscious Kink is a specialist focus that has the intention to explore those deeper places.

Engaging Holistically…

Conscious kink in this context means acknowledging the potential kink has to be a gateway to incredible intimacy, self-development, discovery of the Mysteries of existence, ecstatic (and other) states of consciousness and profound love. It is about intentionally fostering the skills, relationships and scenes to take kink to the next level.  To get to some kinds of states of consciousness it takes developing certain skills within us.   It’s about including all of us in our exploration and play… body, mind, heart and soul.

Doesn’t this make kink too “nice” and kill the sexy?

Being conscious about kink certainly doesn’t mean “light  and fluffy” or “politically correct” BDSM only.  Delving into the feeling of danger and mystery can often be what ignites our erotic play… taking risks… peeking into the dark crevices of our souls…  exploring power or intensity can be what gives a session its bite and heat… carving a delicious memory into our flesh that lasts a life time.

Conscious kink is not about sanitising that… oh no!  It is about engaging with it in a consensual and aware way that aims to have a positive effect on all involved and allows us to travel deeper into each moment.  It is about learning and harnessing skills to ride the wave rather than be rolled by it… and to enter states of being and well, consciousness, one cannot get to otherwise…

Consciously approaching BDSM takes bravery to be self-aware, take self-responsibility and be the hero on your own erotic quest of self discovery.  Far from detracting from the experience, being conscious in BDSM play only makes it more potent and can in fact allow the space to be even dirtier… darker… more intense…  By the same token, playing harder and more extreme is not always the point.  Playing consciously with kink can make something very simple become profound.

Erotic Shadow…

The path of Conscious Kink, at least the way I play it,  includes the notion that to be whole, we need to own our erotic shadow.

“Shadow” is a concept made popular by Carl Jung and refers to aspects of ourselves that drive us emotionally and psychologically  but live in our unconscious minds and bodies where we are unaware of it in our day to day living.

In order to learn how to be socialised into any given culture, we need to emphasise certain human qualities and suppress others.  This socialisation process means some things about us get relegated to the unconscious part of us.  We are not aware of them yet they shape our actions. desires and responses.   Shadow is not inherently bad or wrong but as it is unconscious  and can come out in destructive ways that negatively impact on ourselves and our relationships.    A very simplistic summary is that the erotic aspect of our shadow is the sexual aspect of us that is unowned, suppressed and unexplored.  We do this by actively engaging this aspect of us through erotic play or ritual.

“Our English word ‘fantasy’ derives from the Greek word ‘Phantasia’. The original meaning if this word is instructive: It meant “a making-visible”. It derived from a verb that means “to make visible, to reveal”. The correlation is clear: The psychological function of our capacity for fantasy is to make visible the otherwise invisible dynamics of the unconscious psyche.” – Robert A Johnson

Engaging Erotic Shadow through Rituals…

These aspects of us often come out in forbidden fantasies that we feel shame about but also fuel our hottest desires.  Our fantasies speak the langauge of dreams and our dreams are the langauge of our unconscious minds leaking through to the conscious.  They are clues to what is happening in our unconscious… cookie crumbs leading to hidden treasure… There is much of value to be learned by intentionally engaging these images and desires and by creating spaces where we can embody them and live them out. This  can not only be extremely hot, but can also be quite an astonishing journey of self discovery and empowerment.

What better way to do this than to take the time to create erotic rituals or play sessions?  Ritual is the act of very intentionally and mindfully engaging with an act or aspect of ourselves.  Rituals are consensually negotiated and have a clear intention, beginning, middle and end that allow us to take on aspects of ourselves we normally do not engage in everyday life.

A ritual can be simple or elaborate.  It can be spiritual or not.   It all depends on your mindful intention… Your conscious choice…

Ritual creates space for us to dive right into an experience and come out the other side, not only safe, but having experienced something of value.  Perhaps even changing ourselves for the better.  The container of a ritual or ritualised play session holds the space for us to feel safe enough to let go… free fall… it allows us to drop more deeply into the moment to explore the risk… the dark… the mystery…  the pleasure…  the joy and confrontation of play…

While kink is not inherently all “shadow” any more than so-called “non kinky” eroticism is all shadow, there certainly are rich opportunities to explore and own our erotic shadow through kink play. Part of the path of Conscious kink is to foster the tools, self-awareness, self-care and care for each other to explore this possibility in a holistic way.

In Summary…

Conscious Kink is the art of exploring our BDSM and sexual proclivities with conscious intention of good will to ourselves and each other.  It is allowing ourselves to enter into both the socially acceptable and politically incorrect feelings, desires and sexual imaginings in a way that is conscious, consensual and aims to have a positive overall effect for all involved. It is about being conscious of how Kink play affects mind, body, soul, heart.  It is about having an awareness and intention in how we engage that.

It also recognises the inherent risk that all sexual exploration carries and attempts to harness the pleasure of that while minimising any potential harm.  It is about finding balance between safety and risk.  Conscious Kink is also the art of learning about embodied states of consciousness and the skills to drop deeper into each experience with presence and mindfulness, amplifying and enriching our experience.  Sexual internal martial arts if you like…  It a journey of pleasure, play, mystery, transformation and discovery.  Why?  Because it both enhances the immediate experience of play and ripples out to deeper connections with ourselves, our loved ones and existence itself.  And, you know what?  It’s fun.

– Artemisia de Vine     www.consciouskink.com

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