Do you know how good it is to be praised for what most of society tells me is wrong? A part of me I’ve tried to squeeze into conformity in order to be lovable?
I unfurl that part of me when I am Mistress in The deVinery. I am a caged bird, set free… soaring in the skies…
Do you know how good it is to be appreciated instead of shunned when I unleash like that?
This week’s good medicine:
“There is just no doubt at all that you are genuinely dominant. I normally struggle to submit because the dominants I’ve played with feel more like they are playing a role. The part of me that needs to submit just doesn’t believe it. With you though, there is just no doubt whatsoever. You don’t even have to try. You just are dominant. Sipping tea and laughing, you still radiate dominance. It’s glorious.”
“I come back to submit to you because it is so rare to meet a woman so thoroughly in her power. You just are dominant. It’s intoxicating just to be around it.”
My submissives, pets, slaves and kinky adventurers often have transformative experiences by exploring themselves with me. However it does work both ways. They heal me too.
I appreciate their submission so very much. It enables me to be who I am without censor.
“But hang on…. aren’t you a switch?”
Yes, yes I am. I am a dominant personality. I just am the leader in most of my personal primary relationships. I am naturally dominant in my every day beingness.
I also love being a Mistress. It feels right.
I also very much enjoy switching, under the right circumstances, with the right people. Professionally this is usually through role play scenes and domestic-style discipline.
I adore receiving a well administered spanking and caning session. To me this feels like the gift akin to receiving a massage. It’s so good! I can float for hours on the bliss of it! I’ve even thought of training a service sub to spank me just the way I like it. However, receiving from a confident dominant is also a delicious gift because the more they can take control, the further I let go. Like jumping from a ledge, knowing someone will catch you.
I also genuinely enjoy exploring power exchange role plays on a professional level. Being “blackmailed” by my boss into pulling down my knickers, bending over the desk and receiving a thorough spanking/caning for losing an important account. Love it! Such a fun game! But that is just it… it is a fun role-play game. I can and do go quite far into a submissive role with it and get a lot out of it but it is a different thing to being a submissive personality.
There are limits to how far as I go into submission on a professional level because to really enter into the blissfulness of full surrender, I need established trust with a special person. I have worked very hard to make sure I am trustworthy as a professional dominant so that my ongoing slaves, subs, pets etc can submit to me for real. However, not many clients have the skill level to be able to do that back for me.
I do explore submission far deeper in my personal life when I get the chance. I naturally desire to enter into all the beautiful spaces that submission can take me… the self discovery… subspace… the ego dissolution experience… awakening of the secret core of me that can only happen when ego gets out of the driver’s seat… I think my intimate experience in this area makes me a better Mistress. It certainly gives me a much deeper embodied empathy for what my subs are going through which means I can guide and protect them better even as I push them into more and more challenging places…
Switching is so valuable and I recommend everyone try it even if it doesn’t appear to be your natural inclination. In fact I plan on writing a blog about the spirituality of switching very soon.
However, I am not a submissive personality.
In my personal relationships I tend to be Queen in everyday life and I am drawn to partners that want to be my gallant knight, or general of my army. We have an open and warm respect for each other’s opinions and needs but I tend to lead more often than not. What is normally expected in a standard patriarchal relationship but in reverse. Matriarchy. I frequently date younger men.
Within negotiated scenes, they rule and I genuinely submit. Wholeheartedly surrender and open. We often switch in the bedroom. It becomes a clearly negotiated power exchange where everyone is happy and everyone gets a turn exploring all aspects of themselves.
However I am still a dominant personality. This is never going to change. It just is. I didn’t have to overcome anything to be this way, I just am this way. Most men find me undate-able because this threatens them too much. Ridiculous, yet deeply ingrained, patriarchal notions that make them equate allowing a woman to be the head of the household with making them weak. That to be like a woman is weak. Talk about misogyny! If you think taking the role you expect women to take is inherently degrading, then there is a problem. Take a closer look at that.
I receive the message that I am unlovable because I am dominant, over and over and over. My male submissives receive the message they are unlovable over and over and over again. So when my submissives show such appreciation for my dominant side, I purr and appreciate the hell out of them right back. Bring it on.
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