As far as I am concerned, heterosexual M/f submission is not an excuse to have a housewife who doesn’t threaten your ego by speaking back or challenging your opinions. It’s not an excuse to live an unexamined sexist lifestyle that reinforces the status quo. It is not an excuse to avoid self-awareness or difficult feelings.
Submission may look very much like a 1950s sexist dynamic from the outside… or not… but the difference is where it is coming from.
The kind of submission I resonate with is not about obliviously reinforcing structures of privilege (sexism, racism, hetero-centrism etc)… it is not even about rebelling against those systems… It is about self exploration with another that includes playing with and owning our secret shadow selves through erotic play… through conscious power negotiation… through awareness of where we sit within privilege systems and choosing to interact with them and ourselves with heart and well, consciousness.
It’s a path that takes some serious bravery and vulnerability from all parties. It takes in-depth communication from all involved. A submissive’s opinion, feelings and intelligent mind are not silenced but valued. It is a journey of personal transformation, connection and intimacy like nothing else I’ve known.
It takes the abuse and damage caused by sexist and other privilege systems and turns it on its head, creating something exquisitely beautiful because it is based on consciousness, trust, respect and love… and because while we are agreeing to Dominant and submissive power roles we are doing so from the base assumptions that both roles are of value. We are in fact equals but we are not in a system of equality so that needs to be negotiated intentionally.
About the Author: Artemisia de Vine is a Sydney-based professional and lifestyle Kinkster. She is a natural Switch (both Dominant and submissive at different times). She specialises in BDSM play sessions that focus on exploring, playing and personal discovery with heart and awareness. Read more at her website Conscious Kink.